hypnagogic hallucinations

[HallowsEve7]

Hi, i'm having a hard time with my mental health and am in need of some reassurance if possible. I have recently been diagnosed with OCD and possible psychosis, I also suffer from BPD and debilliating anxiety and paranioa. For the past year or so I have had an issue with 'cheating ocd' believing I have cheated, I believe I either become someone else in my sleep and message others or I am somehow awake and am able to message others without actually knowing. It's strange, cheating is something I am totally against and would never ever do to my partner, I love him more than anything but I think my abandonment issues mixed with my intrusive thoughts are trying to destroy that as it gives me the hideous fear that I am going to lose him. Recently I have also been struggling with my dreams, not knowing whether or not they're reality or some very lucid dream, the most recent dream I had was very scary to me, I remember having blurry vision, as if i was half awake, I was in the exact same place i fell asleep, on the same side, same exact room and I could feel my partner next to me, I remember looking at my hand and seeing my phone in it with messages from a male, I have been terrified ever since, it felt so real, I recently have learned about hypnagogic hallucinations, an hallucinations either from your waking state or falling asleep state, I have had similar dreams, where i'm in my bed as if i've just woken up and I remember pulling a blue piece of soft plastic from inside me, i could feel it, i held it i remember it clearly, in the morning i had remembered that and as I looked around there was no blue plastic, during this time I had led myself to believe that people would rape me whilst i was asleep, so i believe the blue plastic was resembling a condom, do you think my most recent incident was an hallucination? or do you think it actually happened? I am so sorry if you find this strange, I just don't really have that many people to talk to. I have been suffering with the messaging fear for nearly a year now, it often makes me very suicidal and makes me feel lost, is it possible for someone to actually 'become' awake and be able to actually unlock a phone, find someone to message, actually have a conversation with someone then delete all the evidence before i wake up, could i become someone else in my sleep? I have a 20 minute long ritual every night so my phone is as secure as possible, but even then that isn't enough. everyday I feel this awful guilt, it's become my reality no, I am no longer able to reason with myself, it's what my life now is and I can't get past these thoughts, really would appreciate some genuine help, it would really make my day as I can no longer cope with this. I am soon going to be on sertraline, which is a anti-ocd, anti-anxiety and anti-depressant, i may also be put onto anti-psychotics, so i am trying to be hopeful about everything, really would be the happiest person if you could help

[gggg123]

To cheat on someone you have to want too, it's that simple. Your dreams are just that dreams, sometimes your fears are in your dreams but still they're just that, dreams and fears. Like you say it's something you're against strongly, you'd have to be forced to cheat, which is rape basically.

I'm not sure about the rest of your issues only that part but be easy on yourself you are only human after all.

[plushiesaremyjam]

Hey so the whole “cheating OCD” thing and the thing about the messaging is part of your OCD. It’s basically the fear that you will cheat on your partner and your mind is setting up all the bad things that could happen. I had this once and I went to my therapist about it and she said that it was my anxiety jumping the gun and making it happen. But you are in control of what you do. No matter what your anxiety says

[RAB888]

The feelings you and I experience on a constant basis are the direct result of the thoughts that we are thinking in the moment

Learn to think about what you WANT, not what you don't want

You can SCARE yourself or EXCITE yourself just by the POWER of your IMAGINATION

WE create our own pressure just by thinking about everything at the same time...leaving us feeling tired, tense, frustrated

All problems are illusions...we misinterpret our feelings