A rough in the diamond...

[Cherry_mvff]

‘Evening/ morning/ afternoon folks.

As you may or may not have gathered from my title, I’m having a bit of a savage one tonight 😩 To add insult to what would alone be a rather significant injury, I’ve had a VERY promising week or so!

This started last Friday when my Mum decided t’was about time we had a good ol’ shindig, just me, her and my lil’ bro! I was obviously VERY sceptical after 2 months straight of basically living like a monk with an average of about 30 minutes per day of Human contact, but BOOOYYY am I glad I didn’t bail out!

The idea of consuming alcohol (which I’m sure some of you know has always been an activity I’ve enjoyed immensely 😉) has absolutely terrified me since starting medication. I didn’t touch a single drop of the stuff from 9th September ‘til last friday. Now I’m FULLY aware that drinking is NOT the key to beating any kind of illness, especially mental ones. But having that one night (well, sometimes 2 😉) per week where everything goes away and I can do what I want has been absolutely amazing for me throughout this ordeal so far! It’s one of the few things that’s kept me going, so that even when I’m not partying or having a chilled one with friends/ family etc, I’ve had that confidence boost from having those good times to get me through the “not quite so good” times! I think not having that has played a huge part in how utterly terrible I’ve been since the start of September (the silver lining of course being that I now at least know that booze wasn’t making me any worse 😂).

Long story short, we had an absolutely incredible night (even after a rather shaky start...)! Literally just like “old” times! I actually (besides obviously being rather intoxicated) felt like ME for the first time in 11 weeks! Horrendously “singing” along to 80’s synth pop and all ;L Didn’t even (by some sort of miracle) feel too bed the next day, and have felt just infinitely more human all week. Been up and dressed every day, visited my Grandparents, had a meeting at the Job Centre which was absolutely plain sailing, the list goes on 😎

Had friends around this Friday for the first time which was also utterly fantastic! I’d probably have passed out at the idea of having 9 people in my room, varying sub-genres of heavy metal blaring out and a bottle of vodka in my hand a fortnight ago, but MAN it was just perfect. Didn’t get away without a hangover yesterday (and holy sh*t I forgot how much they SUCK) but still managed to get some music written with my mate who stayed over for the day and had a right laugh in the process! Felt fine all day today as well, until about six o’clock this evening (about 4 hours ago) 😑😑

Me, Mum and Si’ (the aforementioned little brother) were sat catching up on “I’m a Celebrity” in my room (the only reality TV show I can even slightly bare, and we’ve watched it every year without fail so it’d be rude not to ;L) having a jolly old time when I suddenly LITERALLY out of nowhere stated feeling shit... I usually don’t bother posting when I comes to one-offs like this but it’s been awful and felt like nothing I’ve experienced before!

Started with a really, REALLY cold sensation in my lower legs. This really didn’t bother me for about 5 minutes but it just kept getting worse and worse. Window was closed, and my room is literally the perfect temperature so I definitely wasn’t just actually cold. I started to worry when the feeling began slowly expanding up through my entire body. It felt exactly like someone was slowly filling me up with ice cold water from the bottom to the top. Within 10 minutes the feeling was right up to my head which really started to bother me. I noticed my teeth and jaw started tingling really intensely (like a tickle, as opposed to pins and needles) but that only lasted a few minute.

My Mum and brother left at this point (I hadn’t mentioned it hoping it’d fade quickly) as the show had ended so I thought I’d just lay down and try not to let it get to me but nope. The cold feeling was then accompanied by a very clammy/ itchy/ tingly feeling all over my skin, and I started sweating quite a lot. Again something I’ve never had before. During this ordeal I’ve also had chest pains and upper back pain on-and-off, intermittent dizziness and vary degrees of shortness of breath. I know the last couple things are typical anxiety symptoms but I’m having a particularly hard time coming to terms with this one as it literally came one while I was totally and utterly relaxed, plus there was none of the usual intense fear and elevated heart rate the entire time. Like it literally didn’t go up at all.

Right now about 4 hours later I feel considerably better but the cold sensation STILL hasn’t completely gone. It’s honestly unlike anything I’ve felt before. By far the colder than I’ve ever felt as well. It almost feels like it’s moving around my body as well which is really strange. My skin is also still rather itchy and clammy feeling, and I still have a rather unpleasant pain/ pressure in my upper back. SUCH FUN!

Sorry I know this is yet AGAIN a ridiculously long post but I just always have so much to bloody say! And hey at least half of it is positive! I just need some reassurance that what I’ve just experienced/ am experiencing isn’t anything sinister ‘cause that was completely new to me. If anyone’s had those sensations before and especially for this long please let me know, and if there’s anything else that it COULD be (serious or not), that’d also be good to know!

And don’t worry I’m not going to let this ruin my good streak as I was in no way under the impression that I’d been miraculously cured ;L It’s just insanely annoying to have something like this happen after such a resoundingly positive few days!

Thanks as always to all of you xx

[Francesca61]

Good evening, as usual a very entertaining read! But seriously it sounds like you had a fever. Knowing you haven't been out and about for a few months, maybe you over did it and your body is tired. Try not to worry. Glad you had fun, and it's only the beginning!

[Cherry_mvff in reply to Francesca61]

Thank you very much! I did initially think it was a fever but I’ve never experienced anything like the tingling sensations (particularly in the face/ teeth/ jaw) with one? And although I’ve felt internally cold with a high temperature before, this was TOTALLY different. The cold sensation was a million times stronger than that with a fever, and it kind of moved around and came in waves! Saying that, I don’t think I’ve had a “proper” fever since I was about 6-7, and I don’t really know how they work exactly (I always thought you had to be actually ill with flu or a cold etc.?) So I might be completely wrong ;L Looking back it was most likely just one of those horrible anxiety attacks which was caused by overdoing it on the weekend after ages of doing nothing, like you said! I’ll speak to my doctor if it happens again thought, just to be sure.

Thanks for responding!

[Francesca61 in reply to Cherry_mvff]

Hello again, I get a fever with chills when I've overdone it and don't end up having a cold or flu but just from being extra tired and stressed while still pushing myself which is sometimes necessary but wrong. People in my life have had the same thing happen as well. I just drove home from a different area of town anxious the whole way. We don't deserve this crap!! I think that once we've had a taste of this so called anxiety, it's with us for life. So just need to learn to ignore it as best we can. Take care 😊