It’s been a while since I posted anything. I’ve read journaling helps so maybe this is the start of a journal. For the past year my life seems no longer to belong to me. Out of the blue I had a panic attack one night and it never ended. I only seem to leave my house to grocery shop or go to appointments I don’t cancel at the last minute. My mind has taken over. I have these head sensations. I can’t really explain them. Not exactly a headache. It’s like if you hold your breath and you get a rush. It’s that feeling constantly. Followed by an almost pressure feeling. That leads to me feeling like I’m just not present. I can’t explain it like I want to. So I have periods where I have those sensations over and over. My face feels warm my ears start ringing and I just do t get out of bed. Other times I have stomach feelings. Not really intense pain just a constant moving around uneasy stomach feeling. I was told I should have my gallbladder removed but I’m no where near ready for that. I’ve had a few weeks in there where I was somewhat better but the rug seems to always be pulled out from under me unexpectedly. I was given a prescription for Xanax and zoloft. Medication terrifies me. The thought of adding side effects on top of what I feel hourly is just to much to handle. I have tried the xanax twice and I feel like it helped. I took half of a .5 pill on 2 separate occasions. I just worry about becoming addicted to them. I’m honestly feeling as low as I’ve felt throughout this process. I sit alone in my room and do nothing but think about it. I’ve never cried so much as I have with all of this. I had 39 years of just living my life and this last year has robbed me of everything.