My boyfriend and I got into a fight and he left, and then once he left I couldn't remember what was going on AT ALL. I was totally out of it. I was having hot flashes, somewhat forgetting where I was and felt like I was floating through a dream. Everything I did was completely erased from my memory like 10 seconds after I did it. I was dizzy and I felt hopeless and I really thought "this is it i'm going to die or lose my mind". so I tried to lie down and take deep breaths but I couldn't even remember what I was doing, my vision was weird and when I tried to move I felt sick and my muscles were clenched so hard that they all hurt. I could barely move. Anyways, I took a xanax, called my boyfriend absolutely freaking out and saying I had to go to the hospital, he came back. Well when he came back I just flipped and started screaming at him (I have no idea why) I felt like I was losing my mind yelling stuff like "you made me go crazy" "i'm crazy now" because the fight was what gave me the panic attack, but he was totally calm and helped me get ready and into the car and once we got to the hospital I couldn't even go in because i was so scared. (does that make sense?) so we drove around for a bit and eventually I calmed down, we went home, still nothing felt real at all but I was so tired I just fell asleep.
This doesn't always happen when I'm panicking. Lately I just feel like a goldfish, like I'm forgetting everything right after it happens and my brain is moving through mud. I have weird symptoms, some painful ones and some scary ones and some that are just weird, and my derealisation is super high. I've been having so many panic attacks lately. The sliiightest stressful thing makes me lose my mind. I also want to pick a fight with everyone. I don't know why, because fighting with people always makes my anxiety worse, but I just freak out and get irritated over nothing and snap. I'm so scared that I'm losing my mind or I have something worse than anxiety, physically or mentally. I'm in CBT, taking meds and seeing a psychiatrist. I just don't know what to do. Should I have myself committed?