I've been to 2 assessment appointments now, both times the therapist was clear that she doesn't feel I am ready for such a demanding therapy. She said she doesn't understand why CAMHS didn't refer me to a mental health team before psychotherapy. I have too many problems and I have no idea what exactly is wrong and how to manage them properly, I have symptoms of many mental illnesses, such as bipolar, which is why professionals are finding it hard to diagnose. Psychotherapy is for people that know what is wrong, so they can work through it, how can I do that if I have no idea what the problem is? Psychotherapy doesn't diagnose or provide information for people, it's simply where you go and tell them what you want to work through, the therapist hardly speaks, that in itself is difficult for me.
My psychotherapist told me she thinks I have borderline personality disorder, I didn't mention anything about it, she just came out with it and also said I have many traits of bipolar too, both disorders normally come in a package. Eating disorders and self harm is common in people with borderline personality disorder, so that would explain why I have both side effects. I am feeling more hopeful of a diagnosis now, with somebody that actually wants to help and backs up my thoughts, as CAMHS just deny everything I say.
It's my 18th birthday in 8 days, so I'll be frog marching down to the doctors and demanding medication! I'm also confirmed with College now, I'm going for a meeting on the 30th July and then an open day on the 28th August, so I'm hoping and looking forward to getting back in to College, with medication to help me out. Things seem to be looking up in the world, but I still feel rubbish as hell.