Gratefulness

[Starrlight]

grateful for this view

What are you grateful for?

[RemySue]

Yesterday was bad but today is not. My oldest and his wife are pregnant-an oopsy but everyone is so excited-9 years between their youngest and this one. It's FINALLY supposed to rain today.

[Starrlight in reply to RemySue]

Congratulations 🎊🎉🎈

[LifeIsThePitts]

O MY... what a stunning view! Sunrise dog walks ☀️ are my favorite thing

Thursday Sunrise dog walk

[Starrlight]

Glad u r safe. I decided to stay an extra day on vacation even though I’m peopled out because, well, beach.

[Nothing_but_books]

Thank you for this. I'm struggling to find something to appreciate. I'm crying, scared, and low. I'm here, on HU. I don't think I'm exactly grateful -- I'm aware it's not nearly enough. I am mostly housebound without help or human contact. My help chose to go away for many days. After such a betrayal, I don't want to start the cycle again and have a while of help then another betrayal. I need an alternative.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I’m right here with you, listening, closing my eyes and sending you a hug with my mind. I hear you about not wanting another betrayal. What kind of alternative are you thinking?

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

I don't have a viable alternative. I hate that he chose knowing I need help and not coming. This will be permanent soon. He told me that what he chooses to do.

Just these 4 or 5 days of housebound without dinners, without being able to care for myself or Tara alone has broken me. The physical and emotional consequences of this pain will last long after.

[SoporRose in reply to Nothing_but_books]

How terrifying! I don't know what to say except that my heart breaks for you. It is awful when our existence depends on other people.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to SoporRose]

If I didn't have the support I've gotten here I think I'd be worse, if that's even possible.

[SoporRose in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I'm glad we can bolster your spirits. But I understand despair. Your honesty — " I don't think I'm exactly grateful -- I'm aware it's not nearly enough" — takes a lot of courage. With severe depression, no matter whether it springs from internal programming, external circumstances, or a combination of the two, sometimes there's nothing that can be enough. And sometimes when someone says, "I hope things get better," the wish can feel like pressure to improve your situation. But I'm going to say in anyway, because I DO hope you find someone, some program, some doctor, some weird miracle that will bring you some ease and control over your circumstances.

[SoporRose in reply to Nothing_but_books]

If it helps, we want you to stick around. We value your presence here and the way you care about others. I am so sorry your are suffering. Truly truly.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to SoporRose]

It's comforting. But it doesn't match "don't do it in any way that could implicate me". Gives me a warm and cosy feeling.

[SoporRose in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I would use lots of crude and profane language here if it wouldn't get me censored. I want to write that I can't believe anyone would say that, but I know better. That is a poisonous cruelty that you'll never forget.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to SoporRose]

I've got a neat trick to get around being censored. I Google "Symbol for expletives", and get this: #! @*&%. It makes the point, and hasn't gotten me kicked off yet.

[SoporRose in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Clever.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to SoporRose]

On the up side, I am slowly losing my mind, so I may forget sooner than either of us expect.

[SoporRose in reply to Nothing_but_books]

It can be so, so tempting to just let our minds go (as though we have always have a choice).

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Pain vs suffering

Pain and suffering

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

What is, is that I can't care for my basic needs well enough to survive. I almost died once from lack of food while I begged for help. I saw a skeleton in the mirror. I don't want to go there again. I can't fix this alone. The only thing I know to make this stop is suicide. There's only how much loneliness, pain, helplessness, and fear I can endure.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I’m so sorry. Let’s eat something together. Do you have crackers? Fruit? Peanutbutter? Tuna?

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

I'll try now. I haven't eaten in days. I think I can manage a couple sips of Ensure maybe. I'll try.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

please do drink an ensure

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

I took a few sips. Thank you for offering to eat with me. It helped. I'm so lonely.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I’m trying to get myself to the kitchen where it’s peopley so I can eat with you

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

I like the new word: peopley. It made me laugh.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Ha peopley!!!

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

It’s easier for me to drink smoothies than to eat anything sometimes eating is hard

[Swilly97 in reply to Starrlight]

Same with me. My wife gets me those fruit smoothies from the grocery store in a little bottle, they're good especially when I can't eat.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Swilly97]

Name of smoothie please?

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Love you

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Make potato in microwave or rice..u have to eat. Cheese slice in bread with whatever u like.u have to eat. I've lived on chicken noodle soup out of can for weeks.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Lost 7 lbs which I needed to do. U have to eat

[Agora1 in reply to Starrlight]

Wow Starrlight, I love that piece of wisdom. Thank you for sharing xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

I first learned it from a mindfulness class I took. It attracted me to the concept right away.

[Mumbutterfly in reply to Starrlight]

“Accept the pain, but don’t accept that you deserve it “, Wit in Oathbringer in the Stormlight Archives by Brandon Sanderson.

Life and/or people can bring so much pain but that doesn’t mean we deserve it.

You and Nothing-but-books have been on my mind a lot lately. I wish I had the words that would help…you both have giving hearts and deserve so much better than the things you’re going through.

[Starrlight in reply to Mumbutterfly]

((((((((((((Mumbutterfly)))))))))))) thank you you are lovely ❤️

[Mumbutterfly in reply to Starrlight]

I don’t know how to tag people in a post so don’t know if Nothing _but _books saw this or not.

[Downandout123 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I have not been following these posts consistently, so I'm not sure if you have or can get a paid caregiver for yourself? ( Paid by insurance).

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Downandout123]

It doesn't look good so far. I may lose insurance soon too.

[Downandout123 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I'm so sorry to hear this ☹

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Downandout123]

Thank you. The lawyer stuff scares me.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Stopping to say a prayer for you.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you Starr. I just saw this tonight. I'd do it if I could.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Oh noooooo

[Nothing_but_books]

I'm sorry, I hoped at the seashore the headaches would ease.

[Hidden]

I grateful for this group.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Me too

[Swilly97]

I'm grateful for this community and the friends I've made in it. ✨️

[Nothing_but_books]

I know, that's not what I meant. I can't wash any dishes or a blender jar. I can only make what goes in a paper dish with plastic silverware. I thought Swilly said there was some kind of healthy smoothie you buy ready made. You know, not all sugar.

I was going to try to go to the store.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Oh sorry

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

If you think of any, tell me please.

[Swilly97 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Yeah I love the 'Naked' brand, strawberry banana. So yummy. The other brand is Bolthouse farms I like almost all of theirs.

[Swilly97 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I recommend the Naked bc there's less fillers and sugar.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Swilly97]

I couldn't drink Bolthouse. It was revolting and much too sweet. I'll try Naked soon. Thanks.

[Swilly97 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

🙏💖 anytime.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Checking in … going to pm ya

[Agora1]

I may not be rich but I am grateful for all the things I have that money cannot buy....

Thank you Starrlight for the beautiful view xx

[SoporRose]

That's a stunning sight and you caught it elegantly.

[Swilly97]

That's good stuff right there. I like to put in some kale and feel healthy 😌 Add some apples and strawberries and I'm in!