Elder Care and Caregiving

[AnonymousPS]

I take care of an older mother who is 74 years old. She has an incurable disease. She is in a lot of pain. She has been in and out of the ER for the last 6 months, 7 times. At home, she is bathed 1-2x per day, and it is painful for her during bathing, and she cries almost every day, if not every other day during her bath. She had a surgery that left her unable to walk. She is bedridden and has been since August 5, 2022. I live with her. She has home health come out to do physical therapy, occupation therapy, RN, and she has not recovered. I am emotionally and psychologically upset that I have gone through so much. It has been a roller coaster. My mother has seen over 40 doctors. She is getting a second opinion tomorrow for her condition. My mother has 24/7 caregivers who are at the house 2x: morning and evening shift. I do not like the caregivers. They humiliate me, demean me, intimidate, and are hostile. They have employed for 4 months now since October. I feel like a failure in so many areas of life. And, life has been tough, unfair and bad. I have not seen good times in a long time with my mother. There has been a lot of trespasses, no support, and isolation. The best thing that our family has had I would say is our maid. She has been with my mother during her rehabilitation which was for 28 days, and would cook and bring her food to the skilled nursing facility. That to me to see was the best. I did not expect that from her either since she has other commitments. She is very consistent, and reliable, despite this tough time for my mom. I have experienced isolation, I have no husband, no children, and no surrounding support system which has caused a serious of dominoing effects on my vulnerable family's situation. I look for ideas on the present, and future with my situation. It has caused me self esteem, psychological, emotional injuries, along with trespasses to me as a person to experience so much with no support system. All alone with nobody to be here during leveraged time periods dealing with so much with my mother.

[Blue_81]

Sorry to hear that your mom and you are going through a rough time. Hope everything goes well with her and she finds an answer to her health issues. Not sure why people (caregivers) can be so mean specially through this hard time. Hope everything gets better.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Its not easy caring for the elderly especially when it's your parent.

My mom is the same age as yours. She has her health issues. Right she is sick with the flu. I'm her caregiver. Its hard.

I don't have any caregivers to come to the house. Mainly my mom feels she doesn't need them...yet.

I have 2 sisters. But 1 isn't speaking to us anymore and the other lives out of state. So it's just me.

There was a time I was handling this a lot better. But that's not me anymore. Its been very hard. At times, I too feel like a failure. Because of the setback I had has changed my life. As well as hers. Before she wasn't worried about me. Now...I think she is worried all over again.

Hugs to you 🫂❤️ it's very hard.

[Celinesnana]

you now have somewhat of a support system. At least an outlet- hope it helps. Take some time for yourself during the caregiving. I know, I’ve been there. Be kind to yourself. Wishing you and your mom all the best! 🙏🏼

[HoldingonLou]

I'm sorry all this is happening. That is a 6 month time period your entire life not to mention hers has been altered. I am so glad you reached out on this site. It's the beginning of some kind of support. Have you considered getting counseling to help you cope with all of this? If you need a number to call and get started I can give you one. Does your mom have a social worker assigned to her? You can ask the RN visiting to request a referral for social services. Ask about support groups for family caregivers. It helps to talk with others about what your are going thru. Do you have a relationship with the maid? She sounds like a wonderful person. Is it possible to spend time with her and talk?

Please don't call yourself a failure. There is no failure when you are trying your best out of love. You do the best you can. The clinical staff are trained and not all have the greatest personalities. As long as your mom is receiving the care she needs then I would just ignore them. Take care and reach out again if you need to. Please think about counseling.