Hey everyone, I am pretty new to this and I have been looking for support groups or just people to talk to about my situation and any advise or tips would be appreciated. So here's my story:
Last month, I decided to enter the dating seen for the first time in a while and downloaded Bumble. After searching for days not really connecting with people, I decided to hop on Bumble BFF because I heard from TikTok, people actually made friends from there. At this time, my current friends weren't really available because they had either moved or working in their careers (but we still talk from time to time). After setting up my profile I met someone, we'll call him Jack, and we hit it off really well. We have a lot in common, vibe was really cool and instantly hit it off. We would talk on the phone for hours, play video games together, and well talk about things that I wouldn't talk about with others. He really made me feel comfortable being who I am and I really wanted this type of friendship. A week goes by and I notice that he's very outspoken in nature and I didn't think to much of it. For context, I have been a little bi-curious since I was younger, but had no emotions even talking to Jack.
Jack continues to be outspoken and one day via snapchat, I took a photo after a shower (I had a towel around me) and he made a comment about how I looked. I asked him to be specific and he went into details about how attractive I looked. I was stunned and asked if he was bisexual and he stated that he's never been with a guy nor felt attracted to one until he met me. Again, I am still shocked at this point and he asked me about my sexuality. I told him I considered myself straight but always was bi-curios if the opportunity came about. After talking to him about it, he stated that he doesn't want a relationship now because he recently just got out of one, but he wanted a platonic relationship with me and occasional "friends with benefits" idea. I agreed and everything was better than I can ever imagine, until he had to leave for 3 weeks.
Jack was leaving for 3 weeks to go visit his home country and told me that he might have bad reception but will try to call me every chance he gets. I told him it was fine if he couldn't and thought to myself that it's only 3 weeks, its not that long and boy was I wrong. A month prior to Jack leaving, I found out that his best friend past away in his home country who he was excited to meet. Jack also his some mental issues that he is personally working on which I knew prior to our arrangements. Whenever he gets stressed he tends to block people out and would go MIA for a day or two. He hasn't done this to me ever since the arrangement and he seems to trust me a lot more because of it.
Jack is in his home country and within those 3 weeks, he lost another family member, found out a family member is dying, learns the truth of how his best friend died, and hurt himself by tearing a ligament. He has been in contact with me though all of this issues and I cannot help myself to feel helpless because I cannot help the person I care about. I started to see some of those traits of him ignoring me because he has high level stress and him not wanting to "trauma dump" everything on me knowing I told him that I will support him in anyway I possibly can, but he refuses and would rather not tell me and go MIA which scares me a lot.
He comes back and I call to meet up and I get no answer. I thought to myself I was being insensitive because he just landed, maybe he wants to relax and unwind before meeting people. I accepted it and waited the next day. He text me apologizing saying he had jetlag and slept the entire day. I texted back to ask him how he was feeling and just wanted to see if he wanted to hangout the following day...no response. The next day happens and I do not hear from him at all and I start to get worried. I typically do not call because I can see had it can be annoying so I texted him a lot and I had no luck of reaching him and my anxiety just spiked to where I was crying myself to sleep and I would wake up in the middle of the night and continue crying because I would hope he would text me while I am sleeping, but no response.
I had to drop my parents to the airport early the next morning and ended up sending a long message telling him how I was feeling and was extremely worried (this was at 3am). I fell asleep and woke up to no response again. I started crying and pacing around my house worried he probably did the unthinkable because he couldn't handle the stress or he was hospitalized because of his injury he had back home and couldn't text me. Many things we're going through my head (also nice to mention I had an interview this same day) and I couldn't take it to the point I called one last time and no answer. I was going into a state of panic and then he calls me back. I quickly answer and I hear his raspy voice and he asked me "what's up" and I just started crying. Just hearing his voice made my heart so overjoyed that he is okay. I told him how I was feeling and he did tell me he was hospitalized and then became emotional to talk about is and stated that he would text me.
He text me a long paragraph about when he was hospitalized, they did a test and found out his body is not functioning correctly. He explained that it is always something ever since he came back and he did not want to again trauma dump any of this onto me even though I told him I would support him no matter what. He continue to say that the way he cares for me was to not tell me something that would potential cause me to run away. I respected and appreciated him telling me and the relationship started to bloom again. He would have his moments but I knew that he was going through a lot so I stayed back for the most part and he would call me when he was ready.
Fast forward, a week of him being home, the spark we once had ignited ever so slightly on a dally basis. I started to feel more attracted to him when I wasn't talking to him, I couldn't get him out of my head, and started to feel more like an object because he would call whenever it was convenient for him, but when I would call no answer or even a text to say "hey I'll call you back". I started researching anxiety separation and found out that I was self sabotaging myself with my thoughts. I truly care for Jack but I cannot take the fact that I am completely ignored for nearly 24-36 hours and get a random text saying "hey how are you?" and when I would reply, I wouldn't hear from him again.
I do not want to end things but my anxiety is getting the best of me. I want to talk to him and tell him how I am feeling, but I scared that he may take it as I am blaming him of telling me these things which is not the case, but more as the support I am giving him, I am not receiving support from him at all. I truly love Jack, honestly, but just the possibility that I may lose someone I care about scares me more. Any tips would be great
New here & looking for non-judgemental support from people.
New here and need support 
I'm new here; Trying to find support any where I can
New here, want support
I'm new here and looking for support
