can’t hold it together

[FreeMind_]

the past 2 days have been extremely hard. I can’t even walk down the street without crying. It’s like I’m here and I’m not. I haven’t been sleeping regularly and turn to alcohol a lot to help. I just had another breakdown and I’m tired. Tired of feeling alone. Doing everything alone. I was recommended this support group after I called the suicide helpline because I’m literally at my wits end. No friends no family .. just me and my thoughts.

[Dolphin14]

Welcome to the community. You are not alone here. There are many wonderful and supportive people.

I remember the feeling of being in a fog. Not able to absorb anything around me.

Has the panic settled? Do you have anything you do when you feel that way?

🐬

[FreeMind_ in reply to Dolphin14]

Yes, the panic has settled. I feel like I over absorb if that makes sense. Let too much and trivial things get to me. I honestly don’t have anything to do when I feel this way except drink and that’s something I want to change.

[Dolphin14 in reply to FreeMind_]

Totally makes sense. Our heads can spin and overload us.

It's good that you are aware you are using the alcohol to numb the symptoms.

Are you in therapy? That's personal so please don't answer if you feel uncomfortable.

It took me quite a long time to stop my thoughts from sending me into a panic. I have PTSD also.

In the beginning I just had to escape so I would get outside and walk it off. I also started meditation which took a long time to be able to focus on but it does work for me.

🐬

[FreeMind_ in reply to Dolphin14]

it's okay. I am in therapy. Once a week actually. i kinda think I would benefit from more frequent sessions but at the same time i don't want to become so dependent on it.

it's weird its like people who see a glass half empty or half full? i used to be "half full" person now its like i'm a negative nancy and everything is half empty situation. someone can tell me 90% good and 10% bad i swear that 10% will play back in my head over and over until i find something else to stress about. i dont like feeling like that.

escaping.. it sounds good .. freeing. things i do to take my mind off things are cook, clean or shop 😩. but sometimes it just doesnt work and when i say it doesnt work i mean i let my mind get the best of me and im back at square one when im finished.

[SRNM in reply to FreeMind_]

I am in a similar situation. I suffer from GAD and panic attacks. A stupid, negative thought would enter my mind and then it will not leave until it is replaced by another negative thought. This is a vicious circle. I have recently become an empty nester and this has made my situation worse.

I find keeping busy like cooking, gardening, reading, exercising helps me. I am also on medication. This support group is a big help as well. I have a small circle of friends and a very supportive family. Good to know we are not alone.

[FreeMind_ in reply to SRNM]

I was on a medication.. Prozac I believe by it was years ago. I feel maybe I should go back to medication because the alcohol is good in the moment but the hangover is bad and thoughts and feelings coming back is even worst.

I’m new to this support group but so far it’s doing me well. People up here are so judgement free and I love that.

[Dolphin14 in reply to FreeMind_]

Our mind plays tricks on us. Worst case scenario is how I lived my life. The odds could be 10% bad like you say and I would go down that road too.

I'm glad you have a few things you like to do. Even short periods of distraction can help us so much. In time maybe you will find more things to add to that list and find some peace.

It's rumination and we can become masters of it.

Continue with your therapy and keep writing here. In time you will see that unburdening the load you have felt like you were carrying alone will ease

🐬

[FreeMind_ in reply to Dolphin14]

Our minds .. our own worst enemy 😩

My ultimate goal is to master my emotions and stop letting the negative thoughts take control… essentially to be free.

[Hidden]

Oh, dear. Thank you for calling the suicide hotline. You deserve to feel okay. What were their recommendations other than to join a support group? There is nothing worse than being left alone with your thoughts. This is when our minds go completely haywire. Do you have any hobbies you can busy yourself with?

Welcome to the group!

[FreeMind_ in reply to Hidden]

They recommended therapy in which I am currently in once a week. I feel I need more or at least another listening ear. As stated I’m always alone and that’s what makes it harder. I like to make shadow boxes and cook. Thanks for the welcome. Not trying to exaggerate but it already feels like a step in a good direction to speak with people who kinda know what I’m doing through.

[101315 in reply to FreeMind_]

It is certainly a step in the right direction. Do not count your failures only your successes.

[FreeMind_ in reply to 101315]

I love this comment. I will start doing this more often

[101315 in reply to FreeMind_]

Most of us are in a prison of our own making. Since we build the walls we should know the weak spots. Having the strength to break down the walls is the real struggle. I find it much easier to let the walls be reinforced by more negativity. With the help of a few members here I have been able to see things much more positively than i expected and if given a chance I will try to help you find more positive things to break down the walls.

[Arymretep]

Hi, we’ve all been there, I had a melt down last year after being shut in for two years with the lock down, I couldn’t cope with anything, I was put on low dose antidepressants and thankfully I’m much better now, it’s good to talk , take care

[FreeMind_ in reply to Arymretep]

Thank god you are better now. I had a meltdown just this week .. 2 to be exact. Talking is VERY helpful. One day at a time . This is how I’m tackling things now

[Starrlight]

Welcome! I feel you. I am in a similar space, struggling uphill. Have to take a step back sometimes to just digest the new things life brings. Trying not to overwhelm or overthink have therapy today and the a friends house. What are doing the rest of the day? Maybe you can relax now and let things go

[FreeMind_ in reply to Starrlight]

Yesterday started off pretty rough but ended satisfactory and .. I’m okay with that. Whenever negative thoughts enter my mind I simply say “ I will be okay in Jesus name” and it really does help. I hope your therapy session was a good one. Today is a relax day. I’m still not quiet there to let everything go completely but I’ll be there when it’s my time.

[Starrlight in reply to FreeMind_]

I think your plan is good advice. A relax day!!! My mind needs to heal. I need to recharge. Have a great day relaxing!!! I think you are so right we will be able to let go when it’s our time! Thanks for being you.