23(f), in a grad Marriage and Family therapy program, I met a guy in this program I thought would finally understand me. Let me clarify that we are not a couple. We got together the other day and all he did was violate my boundaries (he played music I would rather not have listened to when we were in his car and I made this clear before that moment, he said he doesn't make assumptions so he wasn't gonna assume I still felt that way, and he still did it after I reestablished this boundary and he said that if I had just said I didn't want him to play it he wouldn't have) and later admitted he did it on purpose to get me to express myself. It was gut wrenching and even though I tried to communicate my feelings to him (which he was encouraging) it was like he wasn't hearing me and was saying that I'm afraid to try new things.
I told him I feel like I'd never be enough for him. He said that wasn't true. He tried to invite me to something before we both went home and to keep things cordial I said I'd give it some thought. I've been depressed and disgusted for days now. I don't want to eat. I don't want to get out of bed. I just feel sick to my stomach all the time. I've cried at least once a day since. I went to a rage room and broke some stuff yesterday but I can't afford to do that every day. I don't know what to do because he'll be in my classes this fall and I don't want things to be tense.
I have a lot of male-based trauma so I feel like this dug me even deeper into the hole. Times like these I wonder what the point in living is if people are just gonna hurt you and not care what happens. I've never wanted to self harm so badly before. This is such an oppressive feeling and I just want it to go away.
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grayscalebat
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He has a lot of power. You should not have to give control of your emotions to someone else. What about thinking of it in terms of taking that power back? Is that something you would want to try?
CBT teaches you how to respond to your emotions so that you aren't so reactive. It is a skill based therapy. Tons of places to get it but Sanvello app is a good place to dip your feet. DBT is another one that you could look into. They are very similar but I do believe DBT is usually in person. If you have a therapist or advisor maybe you could ask about both of them?
I agree with Blueruth. It sounds like you are looking for a man to understand you and are too quick to share? Not a criticism - just an observation. You are giving him too much power over you.
I had a similar experience a few years ago. There was a guy I liked who I flirted with mildly for a while. I was seeing someone else though but when we finished he asked me out.
He drove me home from somewhere and we sat in his car and we were saying how neither of us were sure what we wanted from a relationship and decided to just see how it went.
Next thing he was all over me like a rash. I was disillusioned and thought oh here we go again - a guy not interested in a possible relationship and just wanting sex as usual. I was a bit p....... off and just ended it there and then.
If someone treats you like he did then just move on to the next one with a healthier dose of cynicism. It happens so don't let it get to you too much and keep your emotions out of it as much as you can.
Hi there. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Have you tried talking to a counselor? I'm thinking that maybe there's something that they can share that could help?
I was molested as a kid, and I have problems trusting men because of bad relationships. Now all I do is lock myself up in my home which is bad. I know he'll be in your class, but I have a feeling in my heart that you going to school has the potential of helping so many. Maybe there's online schooling you can do for now? I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Sending hugs, hope, and encouragement.
If he was interested in a friendship he'd respect your boundaries and adjust to your expressed needs/wants.
"later admitted he did it on purpose to get me to express myself" IMHO this is very manipulative and a sign of a boundary violator - he doesn't sound worth of your trust. He's just shown you who he is, so pay attention to the messages he's given you, and put yourself and your needs first.
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