I am currently depressed and ill. I am having sleeping problems waking up early (3/4am) and laying there wide awake having really bad thoughts (can't mention the thoughts on here). It is starting to spill into the daytime.
Has anyone been in similar situation?
I feel it is the end of the road for me once I got my affairs in order. I got no hope but see one way out.
I don't know your circumstances or what loved ones you might have, but my thoughts are with you.I felt like this 8 years ago. Admission to hospital helped me, but we are all different.
Please confide in someone , either medical or non-medical.
You made a good move coming on this community too.
We support each other.
Thanks. My bad thoughts are that I am planning taking my life (shortlisted 3 methods and locations) and only few family members will miss me. I have decided it is time but affairs need to be sorted first, will etc.
Think aboutthose few family members then.
Perhaps confide how you are feeling to them.
Even from this distance I can feel your pain
I recently listened to a sibling list my faults and say she was ashamed of me.
It hurt like hell
Yet l drew comfort from my family members who value me more
Take heart and please think about. Those beloved people. PleaSe
Do
I am being like a closed book with family but I am hurting inside - must be a male thing.
I have no children of my own (another medical condition) and no purpose in life. I am mid 30s and finally figured it out. Also,
I have been worrying about a undiagnosed medical condition shortness of breath etc (docs said it is asthma then lpr then don't know etc) and it has affected my job besides other things. I was fit and healthy and now I am in mess.
I don't have friends, just handful of family.
I can't think of a reason to be alive anymore.
If you have no children Then you will have more money to spend on yourself!
Asthma or something similar is very manageable
Do you like music?
Do you have hobbies?
Your life is precious. Please contact Suicide Prevention Hotline
800-273-8255. They R supportive and helpful.
Hugs 🤗 Shnookie
As Shnookie says. Your life is indeed precious
No hobbies - too tired to do things as I can't sleep. Ive been ill since I came back from the Middle East on deployment. Problem is I see one way out.
You may Have PTSD.Have you posted on that forum?
I am depressed about unable to have kids and being seriously ill for the last 7 months (creating fear) resulting in unable to deploy again next month.
I am going to make a will and speak to a Chaplain for them to do a pray for me this week. I am going to write a final letter, hopefully the chaplain will keep it and not report me and let me get on with it.
Hi, there's a lot of things going on for you at the moment and that can be very difficult to cope with and come to terms with. I'm male as well and I know how difficult it can be to open up and talk to someone about how we're feeling. But it's really important that we try to do this and try to find someone we can talk to. It's not always easy talking to family or friends, sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger, whether that's online or as part of a support group / community group or a telephone helpline. The more that we try talking to people about how we're feeling, the easier it gets. I'm guessing that maybe you've been discharged from the armed forces because of a health condition which hasn't been accurately diagnosed yet?
It sounds like you haven't yet found anything else that gives you a strong sense of purpose and not being able to have children might be adding to those feelings of not having any useful purpose? I've been dealing with depression for several years now (I go through periods where things are getting better and periods where I have a relapse and things get worse again and it sometimes feels like I'm going round in circles). When I'm struggling I get lots of thoughts about what a failure I am and what a useless waste of space I am, but I know that it's depression that is putting these thoughts into my mind and I'm trying to learn to pay much less attention to them because I know that they are biased (and caused by depression) and are not a true picture of reality, no matter how useless I feel sometimes.
It'll take time to adjust to your new circumstances but I bet you can do it! You've been in the armed forces so that says a lot about your character, strength and bravery etc. There are still things that you can do to help your country and your local community and things like that will help you to discover a new purpose in life and to start a new chapter. Apologies for my long message and if it's a bit "over the top" but I really hope that you can find someone to talk to and a new purpose in your life.
You've reached out on here for people to talk to about how you're feeling and that's a really big step that you've taken. Keep reaching out on here, but also have a think about if there's any local groups or services who can also talk to and receive some support from. Are there any veterans groups who you could link up with? I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment, but you can get through this and come out of the other side.
Thank you for your message. I am male, mid 30s and also live in the UK.
I've thought hard and long about my purpose in life and could not come up with one reason. When you can't find a reason to live like me, beachy head cliff in Eastbourne sounds worth the drive.
I reached out on here as I have noone to talk to, tried the national helpline many times but I couldn't get through. I am both physically and mentally low - I am done with life. I am unable to see the light after 2 weeks of searching.
Dear AndF, two weeks of searching compared to a lifetime of living isn't that long. You seem to have that presence of mind to get your affairs in order, why
not use that energy in saving yourself? I can't believe that you can't find one reason
to go on living.
As for having a child, being a father is not about a biological step but about
the guidance and love that you could give a child looking for love and protection.
I think right now you are talking through sleep deprivation which magnifies this
hopelessness you feel. By all means, talk with the Chaplain about your feelings
and emotions. After all, we are all soldiers in life, striving to go forward and become
the best that we can be.
I will pray for you that you make the right decision and never regret what may
have been. With love and support 
xx
I think the lack of sleep is playing tricks on my mind and making things worse I can't think.
Absolutely, lack of sleep can make you think irrationally.You've been given some good insight by others. They're
only as good as you following through one step at a time.
We're only a message away. You are never alone xx
Good to hear that you're in the UK and I'm really sorry that you're in such a bad place at the moment. Which helpline couldn't you get through to, was it the Samaritans? There are others that you might want to try, for example CALM do a helpline and a webchat on an evening. Andy's Man Club isn't a helpline but they might have a local support group in your area. There's also a website called the Hub of Hope and you can search on there for other local services in your area. Not sure if I'm allowed to post links on here, but I'll try. Also, I hear what you're saying about being physically and mentally low at the moment and I know that makes things really difficult. Just because you feel as though you don't have any purpose in life at the moment doesn't mean that that will be the case in a few weeks time or a few months time. For example there are lots of teenagers and young adults who are growing up without a positive male role model in their lives and maybe you could be that person one day (a youth worker perhaps), or you might get into doing something completely different and really enjoy it. Do you have any hobbies or interests that you'd like to pursue?
My hobbies are sailing and fitness but I have no energy. Thank you for the links especially ssafa, I will give them a ring today.
I have put my plans on hold when my wife said she would have no where to live if I was dead. That made me think, as it would be a selfish act and broke my heart further.
I hope you find a way to steer a course through these very difficult times, just one step at a time. There isn't a "quick fix" unfortunately, but even little steps all add up over time and can make a difference.
Existential thoughts why!!!!
negative thoughts
Catastrophic Thoughts
Racing thoughts 
Thoughts