Well. I am here. I do not know where exactly to begin, but I guess I will start now.
The past month has been the roughest month of my life. Easily, without any competition. I went through a dark period of my life, where I essentially destroyed my brain and critical thinking abilities. One day, I just snapped. I realized that I wasn't being true or fair to myself, and I needed to change. Which, I did. I battled/ am battling with addiction issues and a plethora of other very serious issues, which stem from my childhood (sad considering I am still a very young adult). I am on the road to recovery, though! I told my parents after keeping my issues a secret my whole life and was able to access an amazing therapist and get on some medications.
Medications: this leads to just why I am posting this.
After about a week of constant anxiety, depression, and panic states, I was prescribed Lorazepam from my family doctor. It was helpful since I was suffering from severe insomnia and restlessness during the night. Right when I took it, I was knocked out 20-30 min later, and slept soundly for 6-8hours. That was good. However, the anxiety and panic were right there to greet me in the morning. After going to my first psycho-therapy appointment, and a few days on lorazepam, things were... better, but not amazing. I had an appointment with my family doctor, sort of as a check-up to see how I was doing. I told him that the Anxiety was still there. The mornings were tough, and I'm at home from University, which makes it difficult for me to see my friends and complete my work to the best of my abilities. He prescribed me Escitalopram (10mg, once a day) and Trazadone (50mg, take as needed throughout the day for moderate anxiety). After this call, I felt relief. I felt like things were looking up. I was going to be on meds, my therapy is great, and I'm scheduled to go back to school in a few days! Things are certainly looking up! And I was indeed going up. The first few days of Escitalopram were fine. I had no side effects. Obviously no 'positive' effects yet, but nothing negative. I took/take the trazodone at night and with caution. I use it more as a sleep sedative rather than anti-anxiety medication. Things were great! I was eating again, sleeping again (with no morning panic) and I was back at school with no/minimal issues!
But then, at the 1-week mark of being on escitalopram, I dropped. And I dropped hard. It was like I was back to stage 1. I was nauseous, sleepless, and constantly thinking about...well... dark stuff. I had to have my mother come stay with me at school because I was in such bad shape and condition. My appetite was gone and my mood was changing rapidly. The lows were low and the highs weren't as high.
The timing was pretty decent, though. My week break was the next week, so my mom and I drove home. Now I am surrounded by love and support, and I am comfortable-ish. I was waking up at 5:30 every morning with an extreme panic attack. Usually leading to me hyperventilating and throwing up (on extreme occasions). The mornings now cause me severe anxiety. They didn't use to, but now, for some reason they do. I often find myself feeling hopeless as if these mindsets, thoughts, and panic will be around forever. I cannot think of leaving home for extended periods of time without worry. And things that I used to enjoy just cause me anxiety (although it has been getting somewhat better...I'm starting to go outside my comfort zone more often nowadays).
Anyways, this leads me to my question: Has anyone had a rough go with escitalopram (like mine, or similar)? I am currently on week 3. It would give me some assurance that I have still yet to feel the positive benefits of my a/d.
Anything helps, writing this was somewhat therapeutic.
Thank you!
xx
Ready to share (some of) my story
My TMS Therapy journey update...
anti depressants 
Titrating my dose - Escitalopram/Lexapro 
