New here

[AnxiouslyZen]

I keep freezing up when I try and start somewhere.

I'm coming out of a bit of a crisis mindset currently. I had to have my gallbladder taken out emergently about a month ago (I turned yellow, it was wild). I was so zen during it all too, lol. Anyway, from lost work to lost wages to fighting short-term disability claims, bad health insurance... all these past... neruoses (spent ten minutes on that, thanks) have kind of bubbled up.

(You'll notice a theme with the gallows humor and parentheses.)

So ok, focus. I'm at work looking for help to calm down. I can't call the EAP program because I don't want anyone to hear. I'm not ashamed as much as I just don't have the patience to explain it to everyone and reassure them right now.

Sleep evades me, anything I eat I just shart out... (made myself giggle at the starkness of that lol). I plan on scheduling a counseling appointment when I leave in a few hours, I just honestly can't afford to miss any more work. I'm tired but my head is spinning, second guessing, run on sentencing™.

Today is the four year anniversary of my sister's suicide and I only just realized it before writing this post. Didn't quite know how to lead up to that but, there you go.

I'm going to do some charting and check back in with you all once I'm home (if I don't fall asleep, which would probably be for the best). I promise I'm not in any danger, just lost.

Thank you for your replies and I'm looking forward to meeting you all.

[Agora1]

BirdLadySadie, I am sorry for the loss of your sister.I would like to Welcome you to a safe and caring support group.

We all understand and can share the same fears and worries because

we have experienced it ourselves.

You are in a good place here where you will not feel so alone and so lost.

I'm glad you are with us xx

[AnxiouslyZen]

Didn't make it home before calling a first responder mental crisis hotline. They just let me talk, no "liability" questions. I cried, it helped. I forced myself to eat and so far so good. Had a good shower and brushed my teeth and slept hard. Feeling much better today.