Depressed Living with parents in my 30’s

[Capeople]

Always hard depression but has gotten worse during covid. I’m in my 30’s still living at home with parents and feel like such a loser! I pushed all my friends away because of this. They are all successful and I can’t find a job. I feel that my anxiety is preventing me from even acing an interview. I just feel extremely hopeless. How to get out of this hell

[Hidden]

Hi Capeople I can relate to some of what you are saying - we push our support network away when we feel unworthy and self-conscious and then that exacerbates our feeling of anxiety and low self esteem.

I can remember a time when I felt like you describe here. I had flunked out of Uni after repeating my final year 3 times to the horror and devastation of my family. The shame was enormous, and I was finally facing the fact that I had wasted 6 years of my life and an absolute fortune of money and had no qualifications to show for it. My partner, the man I thought was the love of my life, ended our relationship out of the blue, breaking my heart into smithereens, and was with someone else within weeks. I felt like I was dying. I lost my job and had to leave my apartment. My Visa was rescinded and I had to leave the country I was living in, leaving behind my friends and life. I was forced to move to my home-country and had to move back in with my mother, who really wasn't my biggest fan.

I found myself living in my mum's, very low on friends, jobless, heartbroken, penniless, degreeless, directionless, depressed, below rock-bottom. Around me everyone else seemed to be soaring. My younger sibling was promoted to a lofty position in her dream-job and got married all in the same Summer, sparking a swathe of family parties and celebrations in her honour. Just when I wanted so badly to hide away / not exist. My best friend got engaged and was building a mansion. My friends were all in love, getting masters, buying cars, traveling, getting promotions, gaining traction in their lives. I felt like the worst, most pitiful loser in the world. I remember crying myself to sleep so many nights, waking up crying before my eyes were open, and wondering what the point of me was, how I was ever going to survive, and whether I have what it takes to ever be one of the happy normal people.

I was a long time there in that bad place. And then I started to pull myself out of it. I will be honest that for me the main thing that changed my trajectory was finding the practice of gratitude. I read the book The Secret. I thought some of it was baloney, but the general concept of gratitude really hit me and I started doing small gratitude practices. I then drew out a huge 4.5foot by 3 foot poster of 4 things I wanted to move towards. It sounds bloody crazy, but I cut out things from magazines and things I found, and drew things.. and made a visual representation of my goals. I put the poster where I could see it every day when I woke up, and I really started to invest my time and energy on what it would be like to have those things and imagining ways to get them. Long story short.. (Because it took a long time with many setbacks) .. My life started to shift. And I got everything I wanted.

It took hard work and time to move me inch by inch, but I cannot tell you the joy I have gained along the way achieving bit by bit.

Now I look at myself all these years later, I can hardly believe how far I have come. I am engaged to a man I adore, we have a lovely dog that I love, we have plans for fun and adventures, I live in my dream house in my dream village where I am so happy, I have my DREAM job - incredibly!! I am financially secure, have built friendships back up, have lots of fun in my life, and so much happiness. There is plenty for me to work on and I still have lots of dreams to achieve, but there is no comparison to where I am now and where I was during that time. I promise you, when I look back I truly could not SEE ahead, couldnt imagine being happy, or how to get out of darkness. But you can change your world and reach a place of contentment and joy. I really believe that for you.