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How Do you manage your Depression while Living with your parents? (In your 20s)

dangerous_rose profile image
7 Replies

So the situation is this...I know for sure I have depression. My Symptoms started to manifest itself when I moved away in college. A lot of the depression there came from living alone (technically with roommates, but never with someone I wanted to be with). But once I started to take Prozac and spend more time talking to my boyfriend (still together, we were long distance at the time) , I felt a lot better and I didn't want to go back. But I know I had deeper feelings of guilt at home. Plus I knew I needed more experience hours after college and it could be easily found near my parents than where I was in my small college town.

So here I am. I finished my degree online (there's always one or two classes that need to be done at the end lol) and started getting enough experience to build up my application for PT school. The plan was to move out when I got into school. So I spent a little over a year taking the GRE during COVID, continuing to work a high paced outpatient clinic which got too stressful for me, and getting recommendation letters together. I finally applied, got interviewed and nailed every single one. I got into most of the schools and I was so excited to have my pick of where to go. I settled on a neighboring state school since it was away from my parents but not far enough for it to be impossible to get to.

But as I'm going through the process of enrolling, trying to find a spot, trying to get a roommate, leasing without a full time job, and a whole bunch more. I realized that I'd be knees deep in debt and stuck in an unpredictable situation at an unestablished PT program. I decided it would be best to just give it up. I asked one of the programs close to my parents house (which was the cheapest of all my options) to hold my spot until next year while I figure things out and they graciously agreed.

So here I am now. Still stuck at home and wondering what was this whole year about? I want to make things work best for my depression. Being near family and friends has helped that tremendously. I want to wait until my boyfriend gets his savings up and we could move in together. I want to make this work because I know I'll be kicking myself in the future if I drown myself in debt all for the sake of escaping my family.

But how do I deal with the depression that I've been dealing with? How do I change things? I've been seeing a therapist for over a year now and her responses were always leaning towards moving out. But how does that fix anything? Aren't there deeper rooted issues that I need to over come? There's a huge chance that even if I move, I'll never truly be happy with what I have.

My parents are currently going through a divorce...they're in their 70s. And the divorce was filed ever since Dec 2019. But between the diaster that is COVID and the fact that my dad is constantly bringing new evidence at every case without consulting lawyers first or submitting it into evidence before meeting, this whole process has been taking a while. It's made living here insane. My parents always bicker at each other. When I come home from work, I don't expect to get peace. Instead I know they're both going to ask me to do things for them, things that involve calling people on their behalf so I need to carve out time in my schedule just for them. Not to mention the fact that there's no privacy where I sleep (my room is a railway room, so my mom has to walk into my room in order to get to her own room). My mom's a hoarder so her stuff is everywhere and there's barely room for anyone else's things.

I know I sound ungrateful but, I'm so tired of everything around here. How do I fix this?

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dangerous_rose
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7 Replies
hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54

I see why your therapist is saying move out. It seems that living at home is toxic for you so how are you going to start healing unless you leave.

I am in the UK so am not familiar with your system but isn't there help from the college to find a roommate if you register with them? How about living on campus? I am also wondering whether your parents have any money saved for college for you? This seems fairly commonplace in the USA (where I presume you are).

The other thing is too you should be able to get a job to help fund your way at college. Don't many students do that? I hope you find a way to make your dreams happen.

dangerous_rose profile image
dangerous_rose in reply to hypercat54

You're right it is pretty toxic. The issue is that I'm not going to get my bachelor's, it's actually my doctorate in Physical therapy. Here in the US, that means tons of loans and 10 years paying it back. My therapist was convinced it would be worth the cost but I've personally worked with therapists who hate their job because they're overworking themselves or they're drowning in debt.

The other part is, I don't have my license yet nor do I have a car. So moving out means depending on other people I don't know.

My plan so far is to stick it out another year and save up so that I can take loans comfortably or get into a more affordable program.

Crisis81 profile image
Crisis81

I agree with hypercat54. I'm 39 and still live with my parents, but the relationship between me and my father has become very toxic. About 10 years ago my therapist suggested moving out. I rejected that ideas as my parents always said they would support me and didn't need to move anywhere. Plus my board money I paid them to live here really helps them.

Last weekend after an argument with my father he said he wanted me out. This got me in a spin. I've had panic attacks nearly every day, my head is splitting, my body aches, I haven't been eating, and I haven't slept.

Last night my father started another argument again. Everything is my fault. My mother finally told him to STOP.

I think the best possible solution is for me to move out. It's scares the hell out of me but I need to be selfish. I need to get help for me. I think you need the same.

dangerous_rose profile image
dangerous_rose in reply to Crisis81

Omg that's so crazy I'm so sorry that happened to you. I've gotten panic attacks too and I know how it feels.

But I agree, this whole turn of events has me realizing that I have to do things my future self will be appreciative of. I'm sure I can plan to get out soon enough, I just need to hold out a bit longer.

An update is that as I typed out my grievances to this website, I realize that there might be a way for me to stay here but be apart.

We have a basement and it's somewhat fixed up to have a working bathroom, bedroom, a fridge and TV. If I can spruce it up to get a kitchenette or a small hot plate, maybe I can hide out down there while I save as much as I can.

dangerous_rose profile image
dangerous_rose

Thank you. I guess I either have to become a prisoner of debt or a prisoner in my home. It's a very tough decision to make.

dangerous_rose profile image
dangerous_rose

Hm that is a good point, I do qualify for federal work study for at least a year.Did you feel like the debt from the program overall was worth it?

dangerous_rose profile image
dangerous_rose

Hm that is a good point, I do qualify for federal work study for at least a year.Did you feel like the debt from the program overall was worth it?

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