Hey, I'm new here! I'm not sure how really to start but I guess I just will. I feel like everything in my life just gets ruined. If I have a good day, or if I'm happy, or if I'm excited about something it just crashes and burns. I swing from having a great day where I get everything done to laying in bed all day crying. I've been trying to improve, but every day I do, something goes absolutely terribly wrong and I end up in a panic attack or crying fit because of it. I hold myself to average standards I feel like but I've been told I hold myself to extremely high standards. I just expect myself to be able to work out for an hour, go to mass, volunteer, go to class, keep my apartment spotless, cook healthy meals, do bible study, take care of and clean up after my cat, work for 6 hours, do homework, and get adequate sleep. Obviously some days I never do Mass or volunteering, those are only on certain days. But the rest are everyday expectations for myself and if I don't meet them I'm garbage. I'm trying to get better at being kinder to myself but it is difficult. But, my biggest question is, what should I do about this sabotage that seems to keep happening every time I rise that pushes me down to fall once again? How can I do that, or how can I manage my time so I can be okay with doing half my list instead of basically being on an all-or-nothing system like I am now?
repost because my last one got no replies
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lunar_cycled
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Hi. Welcome to the forum lunar_cycled! I've never thought too highly of to do lists. There's a lot of pressure to them in my opinion. Perhaps you could focus on 1 or 2 things at a time and schedule them accordingly in your day so you know exactly what you are doing when you're doing them. Lists usually don't account for that. One step at a time. You are doing what you are able to. If you put in the effort already, you can feel proud of that 👍👍
Aw I’m sorry. I know how it feels to open up and then get no reply. I haven’t seen this post until now.
Based off what you are telling me on your day.. you do sound like you are setting yourself to reach a high bar every single day. Now it doesn’t mean you have too much of a high standard. What you want to accomplish is according to your wants and needs. However, I’ve learned that through experience, don’t bite more than you can chew, or another way to put it, set reasonable goals that you want to reach for today and only think about today, worry about tomorrow tomorrow.
If you don’t meet your goals in one day.. what’s wrong with that? Think about it. There’s nothing wrong with that! There’s always tomorrow, and the next day. Now deadlines for work or school is a different story and how you can line your schedule up is by prioritizing what’s important and what needs to be done that day.
I can tell you through working with people, working out an hour a day is a lot if you do try to accomplish that everyday as well as making sure your apartment is clean, eating healthy, and attending to your religion.
I think my advice here is to focus on the present moment and prioritize your needs so your mental health isn’t all over the place. I’m studying for my graduate exam, but if I feel like crap, I take half the day off. I’ve learned it’s better than to go into routine where you constantly are in the “go go go” and not taking care of what’s important first. You.
Now yes clean after your cat! It gets smelly! Your apartment is a little unfix. That’s fine! Lots of people live like that (or even worse ). Like you said mass and volunteer is not something you can do everyday and you need to tell yourself that that’s okay and that you’re only human too. It takes time and patience for you to change your mindset. I have anxiety as well and reading your post makes me feel your anxiety through it.
Take some time to meditate in the day and focus on your breathing to help with your anxiety and panic attacks. This will help you stay in the present as well to control your thoughts that keep running and telling you to go go go or you aren’t good enough which is not true at all.
We have so much time in this world (yet at the same time so little), but we should use it to take care of ourselves and be happy in the moment to the best of our ability instead of living off of fear. A lot of people I’ve met live their life off of fear, and I most definitely disagree with it and have taken a different path.
You are welcome to private message me during times like these if you want and I will try my best to help you cope with your situation and reinforce your positive thinking/ affirmations.
This was such great advice, thank you so much for taking the time to type all this. I really feel like you get it, we're all just trying to get through it, thank you so much again for reading my post and giving me such great words of wisdom ❤️
Maybe instead of thinking this way, tell your self you have done so much and don’t think negative always positive Because if you think that way you will see that way
Oh gosh, your daily to do list is punishingly, mathematically impossible! Those are extremely high standards. And then when do you take care of yourself? Or relax?Since your activities seem to be Christian centered, I would suggest that every western faith (and others!) include a day of rest. Even the lord rested on the 7th day. Sabbaths exist in cultures because we have to put our oxygen mask on first before we can take care of business.
What would the consequences be if one day a week, you did not volunteer or do anything about cleaning? Or if you didn’t work out on days you go to mass? Perhaps these all feel like vital plates that all need to keep spinning, but if you collapse from exhaustion you won’t be able to do any of them. I’m sending you a big hug and I hope you can carve time out to just sit still and feed yourself the gift of doing nothing. Especially doing Covid, being at 1000% is just impossible while we all process this ongoing trauma. Talk to your clergy person maybe about setting boundaries for yourself. Look into the historical and religious history of the sabbath. I hope that will give you permission to let go. No one is judging you as harshly as you are yourself. Hugs!
thank you so much! That's definitely so important to remember, I always tend to try and do it all but if I screw up or can't do something I shut down and won't do anything else, but just setting standards that aren't necessarily lower, just different day by day I think could really help me, thank you❤️
We are happy to have you, you did a good thing by joining. People here are caring and supportive. Sorry about your enxiety. I am sure meds can do. Are you seeing a therapist?
Concerning your high standard, you are not the only one like that. Is it bad? No, but if it affects you this bad, then it is bad. Can I suugest that you schedule everything. Me on the other hand am the exact opposite of you. I am not lazy, but my standard is too low I am so happy you won't beleiev. I never expect too much from myself as long as I am happy. In fact I strive for happiness everyday which is something I wish people can practice. Now, can you schedule even the time you eat and how long you do? Can u schedule the hours you sleep? Can you schedule your work time? Can you schedule your cooking and cleaning time? Can you schedule your me time(resting time?). I feel you set unrealistic goals and that is making you tired. Have you asked yourself why Captain America and Superman don't realy exist? Human body is not built like that. You need to know your limits. Yes, challenging oneself is good but you need to find the facts about what a human body can and can not do, then set time for yourself where you just sit and relax. You might go to the grave early, many famous people who demanded so much from themselves deprived themselves relaxing time, working day in and day out. Sometimes you have to do a spring cleaning once a week and just touch there and there for the rest. Sometimes do a spring cleaning for the cat once a week and do touch ups for the rest. Don't overwork yourself. You are a human being and your happiness depends also on you being fair to yourself. I hope you do that.
Great words, it's so true how badly stress can destroy people and our bodies, I'm glad you have a mindset that avoids that, you can set the goals you want and put yourself first, genuinely it's a happy way to live and I'm glad you can be that for yourself.
Welcome to the group! You mentioned that you have good days when you’re happy and excited. That’s great! If you can, try to stay in the moment when you’re in a good place. Enjoy those days. Your tough days sound like they can be really hard to bear but just knowing that you are capable of having good ones is cause for hope.
All I'll say is that your daily to-do list looks like what most people try to accomplish in a week. Kudos for being so motivated but I think you might be pushing yourself too hard. Setting yourself up for failure by not doing the impossible every day. Go a little easier on yourself, life is not a race. Wish I had something less cliche'd to offer as far as advice. Good luck and slow down once in a while, you're only human after all.
Thank you for reaching out and sharing. I am sorry no one responded to your previous post. If I saw it I would have responded. I am glad you posted again.
I can totally relate to unrealistic expectations or as you put them high expectations even though you think they are average. I struggled for years with anxiety and depression because I put too much pressure on myself and expected more than I could possible do. I had to learn to give myself a break and be happy with what I did do well for the day.
There are a few things that helped me. One was make a list of the things I want to accomplish. Then prioritize them either by rewriting them or just numbering them. Then I asked myself what really has to be done today and what can wait till tomorrow or later if I don't get it done tomorrow. Next, if it was still too much, I had to start to say no to some activities, even though they are good things and I know I would enjoy them and benefit from them, I couldn't do everything.
After I made the list, and did what I could for the day, I wrote in my gratitude journal. I only wrote what went well instead of what didn't go well. Taking our focus off of the what did not go well or was not accomplished to focusing on positive uplifting things really helps. What you think is what you believe. So thinking uplifting things you believe those things but the reverse is true - thinking negative self-defeating things, you will believe those. I will be praying for you. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat. Hugs and God Bless
I've heard of gratitude journaling before and I've heard it's helpful but I've really only heard that from faceless advertisements and therapists who don't really get it, so it's refreshing to hear it from someone that is like me. What has your experience been with it? How is it helpful for you? Much love 😄
I find the gratitude journal extremely helpful. When we think of things as celebrations and focus on things that go well in our life it builds us up. A book that helped me with this is called Battlefield of the Mind. (joycemeyer.org/study/battle... I hope you find it helpful. If you ever need to chat please feel free to pm me. I continue to be praying for you. Hugs
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). Like you said mass and volunteer is not something you can do everyday and you need to tell yourself that that’s okay and that you’re only human too. It takes time and patience for you to change your mindset. I have anxiety as well and reading your post makes me feel your anxiety through it.
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