Is it true that you cannot love someone who doesn’t love themselves?

[khappy365]

Replies

[Hidden]

Good question! Can I ask why you're asking? I don't think there is any right answer here. I think my answer is no. What would your answer be?🙂

[Breath135]

Yes, unfortunately it is so true.I’ve learned it’s quite draining to do so for (16 years of marriage), a long period of time.

If we don’t love ourselves, we tend to “give” our energy away. I’m a “helping person” too.

It just becomes too much after a while.

That was my learning experience re: my husband...

I wish u well.

[khappy365 in reply to Breath135]

How do you have a healthy balance between giving and taking? What if you’re a giver and the other person is not a giver? Can two takers be together?

[Hidden in reply to Breath135]

Spot on! I was going to answer along similar lines myself. You put it quite well.

[khappy365 in reply to Hidden]

Does being a giver make it hard to love yourself? What if that is how you display love?

[Hidden in reply to khappy365]

As a giver myself. It's often hard to see when we're being taken advantage of. I think IMO giving/givers are insecure with self love and seek out love and approval by being free with our love and care. That in itself is something to be aware of. Getting our needs met by giving and expecting the same in return. We also can fall into the trap of 'rescuing' hoping to to gain the love and care we haven't given ourselves, r the love and care that was denied us by our family.I took me many tries and many loses to really believe that we can't truly love some one on an equal basis until we can love ourselves unconditionally.. I hope this makes sense...

[swordfishll in reply to Breath135]

Same. I gave and gave and he took and took. Big mistake. Take care and value yourself first.

[mvillarreal]

No; I think that's an old myth made up by someone who wanted to hate on depressed people. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but seriously, it's actually the people who don't love themselves who need the most love from others. The idea that you have to love yourself before other people love you perpetuates the stigma against mental health.

[Hidden]

Very true. When a person does not love themselves, they tend to expect more from the other and it becomes a burden to the other. Yes we are not perfect but if you are too much for me, I don't think I can stay that much because we must both give and take.

[Hidden]

I never liked this phrase for several reasons. The first and biggest is that it implies those who do not love themselves are not worthy of love. The second is it implies all people who do not have a lot of self esteem are just bad people. The phrase literally states that if you have low self esteem you take advantage of others and use them for your own benefit. Last, the phrase asserts that people who don't love themselves can't change or learn from their mistakes. The issue isn't with people who don't love themselves, its with people who refuse to see the ways in which they are hurting others. I could just as easily point out that someone who loves themselves to much can be hurtful to you (narcissists or people who have to big an ego) but no one would take me seriously because people who love themselves well they are well adjusted. You see the issue here. It's not the self love that's the issue, it's whether or not a person will be held responsible for their actions.

This isn't to be confused with co dependency either. Because that is an issue but again, it all revolves around whether a person is willing to hold themselves accountable.

I also feel the same way about the other phrase "you can't love someone else until you love yourself" for similar reasons. Most notably that you are just going to use and abuse people which is just not true. And it implies that you yourself are incapable of caring for others until you love yourself which is also just false. Again, it all comes back to accountability. If these phrases were true I couldn't have friends or even consider being part of my family because I couldn't love them and I would just hurt them. That is how I view it anyway.