As children of emotionally unavailable parents, how did you heal yourself?

[Sky_clouds]

I have hurt myself endlessly in the hope of expecting things to be 'normal'. Please write all you know about it, I am eager to read and improve my life.

[Laurennnnnnn]

I wish I knew the answer to this bc I’m struggling with it too; I’m looking forward to seeing the responses you get 💙

[Charl-]

As hard as it will be you have to learn to love yourself. Some folk are just emotionally unavailable and that's okay. It's not your fault, it probably isn't their fault. Unless you dig deeper and find out why they are that way.. As we get older we seek love and care from people and are always seeking reassurance because that's what we feel we need. Sometimes just accepting things are that way for now is fine. One day you'll get all of the love and attention you so deserve. Some people can't show their emotions because of past trauma. It doesn't always make them a bad person, and you don't have to be that person because of learnt behaviour - I'm not saying you are that person - just know someone somewhere loves you for everything

[Isinatra]

My healing didn’t start until my forties when I joined AA. I had resentments that kept me from healing. Resentments because I thought if my parents had been kinder and more sympathetic/empathetic with more support in my times of need as a child and teenager, I could have been a stronger person. At least my self esteem would have been better and I could have navigated life a little easier. I can’t blame them for my bad choices in life, that is my responsibility. I had to accept that all humans aren’t perfect and I had to forgive my parents, who I loved anyway. But there sure were many times when I thought I hated them. When I was19 I felt I was able to talk to my father as an adult and I was going to start to clear the air on how I felt about his attitude toward me, when he passed away. So there never was any resolution there. I did leave home as soon as I could to get away from the toxic environment, 18, and learned how the other half of the world lived. I then learned that nobody is perfect, but not until AA did I realize that resentments kept me from healing. I’m not saying everyone should join AA, but I wish I had their guidance when I was 15. Hope my rambling helps you even just a little bit toward your damage control. I forgave them then set it aside.❤️🏄‍♀️

[hypercat54]

Hi have a look at the link and do some reading online. There is lots of info about this.themindfool.com/childhood-e...

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

When I saw this thread earlier this morning, I immediately thought of this link you had.

I had posted some of story as this thread took me back to my own personal memories and difficulties and deleted my post. Glad you posted this, this is a very clear understanding and is very helpful.

[swordfishll]

Read “Running On Empty” it’s a great book. I didn’t know that “emotionally unavailable parents” existed till I recently uncovered it in therapy. So I’m just beginning to understand what a huge impact it has had on me, in a not good way.

[Hidden]

Is any part of life "normal"?? dont know,BUT..we make our lives what we want it to be.For me,I had to put my childhood on backburner n make my life for me.

I got me new parents!! They aren't blood but they r what parents should be.

Find "UR" happiness in life.Sometimes we have to walk away from toxicity.