Does anyone else have trouble making/holding eye contact with others? I've had trouble with it my entire life and am determined to overcome it.
Looking near the eyes is fine ... nose, cheeks, chin, eyebrows, all good. Direct eye contact? All the nopes.
Perhaps it feels too vulnerable? Eyes are the window to the soul, after all.
Any thoughts?
Oh gosh yes! I tried to maintain eye contact with someone last night and I hated every second of it because it was weird. It’s not looking into someone’s eyes, it’s maintaining it for longer than 20 seconds it seems that makes me very uncomfortable. But I truly believe it’s only if we do not know the person well enough or we don’t feel a connection with them. I agree with you. I think it makes us feel vulnerable so it’s only comfortable when we love or care* truly for a person. Just my opinion!😳
Listen, your 20 seconds is amazing compared to my 5-6 seconds (I've timed it). And I have trouble maintaining eye contact even with family members. Strange, I know.
That sound way more accurate. I just through 20 secs but that is quite a bit of time. I too, have trouble maintaining it with family members. Esp my mom who has hurt me too many times before. I think there’s some level of disconnect. Not to say I don’t love her or care for her but you don’t ever want to look into someone’s eyes if they have judged you harshly before. It’s too vulnerable and it’s almost like I don’t want them to see the pain behind me (not that they could anyways). Some people say it’s a insecurity thing, but I don’t believe that. I think we’d feel more comfortable if we saw the person as our equal or someone mirroring our emotions because we don’t feel uncomfortable looking at ourselves? This is my weird logic. What do you think? 🤔
I understand what you're saying. I have a big disconnect with my father for the same reasons. But I also have trouble with eye contact with those I love and respect. And ironically, eye color is the first thing I notice about people when I meet them.
I'm fascinated by actors who can hold eye contact for long periods of time. I've even considered taking an acting class or two just to be able to practice eye contact.
Eye contact is hard for me too. Part of social anxiety I guess. I can exchange glances without too much trouble but holding eye contact feels too personal or something, like invading their personal space. Makes me feel uncomfortable.
Yes! I definitely have social anxiety and eye contact for more than a few seconds feels like an invasion of privacy.
Try looking to the side more than directly, so you are not looking forward into the eyes themselves.I hate looking at the face and the yes, I try and look past them not in them it does seem to work although I sometimes feel looking away is part of keeping yourself comfortable.
BOB
Very good advice. Thank you!
Hi Soprano611, would you have trouble making eye contact when you wear sunglasses or you’re fine?
Great question! It's with anything, anyone, in any situation. Even my own mirror.
Wow I really can’t think a solution for that at this moment. How about pets if you have?
I never thought about it until just this second but my cat always makes eye contact with me and I have no trouble at all with it. It's what led me to adopt her all those years ago ... she kept looking directly at me and I never broke the gaze. I still don't.
Perhaps I should just surround myself with animals. I love them all!
😊
Yayyyyy that is perfect! ❤️I’m glad you adopted her and have great connection with her 😻 Maybe starting small with building the eye contact with people who own pets also to create some connection perhaps. Best wishes xxx
If they are dark enough so they cannot see your eyes.
I have trouble with the eye contact thing too. I get nervous and look away or look down. I think it helps me to look at a person's forehead or glasses or hair, at least I'm looking at them but it isn't so direct. I don't know why I'm like this, maybe it's a shyness thing, I don't know.
To guys i don't want to make them think I'm interested in them (I'm a guy) and to women I don't want them to think I'm staring at them because I'm interested or staring at their body. I have talked to their chest and realize that I'm suppose to not look there (sexual harassment). I'm doomed. 😳
Could you have autism? I know this can be due to autism only because ive been looking it up for my husband and it states this as sometimes one of the "symptoms". Just a thought.
No disrespect, but you have to be careful looking things up these days. You throw any set of symptoms at the internet and there will be an expert pigeonholing and labeling you with a typically common condition. Personally this is why I believe so many people are labeled autistic these days.
I don’t have autism. Just anxiety.
Could you have autism? I know this can be due to autism only because ive been looking it up for my husband and it states this as sometimes one of the "symptoms". Just a thought.
Absolutely yes. All my life. I now know it's a direct result of both my parents constantly telling me I'm worthless.
Of course, now, it's almost as much habitual as it is psychological.
I do work hard on it. Sometimes it works, especially when I'm particularly confident about something.
There are loads of tips from more educated people out there, but always remember, eye contact gives you more power. It's harder to ignore someone who is looking at you. The more you practice, the easier it becomes. Start with friends and family, especially kids, they're great to practice with. You'll probably find you already have no problem with kids. Why? Because you know you're the bigger person and have the confidence already. Adults are just bigger kids and it's usually just as easy to be the bigger person, without being smug about it. It's a great boost to your self worth when you walk away from a conversation knowing you had full control because noone beat your assertive eye contact 😁
Same here about people saying your worthless.
Was wondering if we could come up with an eye glasses/lenses that kind of obstructs our view from other areas. Like you are looking over a wall. The lenses look like a bifocal, but just the bottom half is a blocker. I think most time its psychological. I see any bulge or cleavage my eyes get drawn to it (lol). This way we could blank out everything and help us focus on others face. Kind of wear them when you need them. Like reading glasses when we are reading. Long distance when we are outside. This blocker when we are in a gathering.
i get nervous talking to women because "their eyes are up here", "not here". 🤦
Yes I've had trouble and noticed people think I have something to hide. But it is anxiety.
I do. I don't know what it is but I just can't. I can scan them for second but quickly look away. Thot I was only one.
Yes, I've had that problem my whole life. I can't even look at their FACE it really bothers people too Bummer
🙃
yeah I do and if I am I get paranoid that people think I`m staring at them.
Man I hate being the center of attention. If there were 3 or more people at least I can deflect the attention off to them by stepping away from the group. My work just got a new truck and were taking pictures with the people who were picking it up, I made sure I was behind the truck. Lol.
I'm not in agreement with the autism comments !you can't say someone has autism from one post!eye contact also comes with confidence and if your generally a shy person you might struggle keeping eye contact. Your body language may not be inviting or the other persons body language may not be inviting causing you to look down or away from the eyes.i feel that everyone has had these issues at some point not just those with anxiety.
Everything everyone says on here is so true to me. I'd rather run than talk to anyone.
Tip just look at their nose this will be easier for you ! and seem as if your making eye contact,
Eye contact is hard for me as well! My partner knows if I’m really trying to tel something, I won’t make eye contact. I know how important it is with certain things but I just can’t do it. Social anxiety I’m sure is the reason!
Oh yeah, it is hard for me. It is such an intimate thing to do. I try to look just above the eyebrows. Gives the impression you are making eye contact but not making eye contact. I couldn't even do it with my ex husband. We were doing an Emotional Healing workshop. "We didn't heal, as a couple." I still at it 33 years later.
Trouble Sleeping 
Trouble Focusing
Trouble connecting 
Limited contact 4 
Trouble sleeping. 
