I wish I could just be okay, you know?!?

[SilentSinger55]

¡TRIGGER WARNING!

I wanna start this post by explaining the last few months. I struggle with horrible social and general anxiety, chronic depression, disordered eating habbits, horrific intrusive thoughts, insane mood swings, and a self harm addiction. Despite all of those things, I smile my way through every day because I am SO AFRAID of my friends or family having to worry about me. my disordered eating got really bad this year, especially when school started again. This really effected my energy levels, effecting my depression, and intrusive thoughts, and I am on the verge of a self harm relapse.... My family doesn't know. I haven't ever really had good grades because of my mental health issues (school wasn't really my top priority) but since my parents think I'm fine they think its okay to suddenly add all of this extra pressure for me to get at least C's. I know that sounds easy but for me, well, I'm screwed. All of this stress has just been building up an up and up AND THEN....

my best friends brother killed himself

I didn't really know him. Maybe talked to him like, 3 times but the night after it happened, I spent the night with my friend to make sure he was okay and got to see all of the raw emotion out of his family. It has really messed with my head. As someone that thinks about ending their own life almost every minute of every day, I don't really know how to process. I keep just bursting into tears of complete numbness at random times of the day and my sleep schedule is even more messed up than before. I'm just constantly numb and on the verge of tears at the same time, trying to be my same old happy , smiley self. I honestly don't know where my thoughts are at with this right now and I'm having a horrible time processing my emotions with it. Its not even supposed to be my death to greive.... Why am I having such a difficult time with it?!?

I know this post was insanely triggering but if anybody has any advice for me please share!!!!

[Marysblue]

This is such a stressful time. We need to remember to take care of ourselves ike you would a friend who is hurting. Keep reaching out, get a therapist if you dont have one.

[FearIsALiar]

It’s okay to reach out for help. Your family/ friends care about you. Don’t let your struggles stop you from getting the help you need! You’re not alone, keep reaching out here xx

You’re so loved 🥰