Another night of insomnia

[Apple46168]

When I woke up early today, I felt like it was going to be a good day. And I haven't felt that in months. I clocked in to work on time, had a couple of great meetings, listened to my almost 2 year old play and watch disney movies and even danced with her to a few of the songs. I haven't danced in so long. I just haven't felt it. But I was having such a good day. Then around dinner time, a longtime friend of mine sent me a very aggressive and hurtful message regarding a spat we were having. Long story short: I got into it with his fiance and she told me that he's only my friend because my husband is his friend and whatever she told him was said between the two of us caused him to be pissy at me. So today he sends me this message and it's her words coming from his phone (and he even sent the message to her too!) And he said that I have become "selfish and mean". The whole fight started because I wanted my longtime friend who says that I am family to treat me like I'm family and somehow that makes me "selfish and mean." So instead of sleeping comfortably in my bed, I'm awake. And I'm mourning the loss of my friend- we've been friends for 15 years!- and I'm enraged that he has let this controlling bitch-troll minimize my role in his life and because of my incredibly low self-esteem I'm even questioning the validity of my motives and feelings. Am I mean and selfish because I want him to treat me like I'm important to him? If the roles were reversed would I think he was being selfish and mean for doing and saying the same things? Am I asking too much to have him talk to me occasionally (the only times he has talked to me in the last few months were when he came over to get him motorcycle which he stores in our garage)? The negative thoughts are just spiraling out of control and making it impossible to sleep and giving me a tension headache. And I just keep going back to how well the day started and how awful it is now. And looking towards tomorrow ( well later today now that it's so late) will I get to feel as light and as carefree as I was this morning? We didn't get much of a resolution and honestly, as long as he's letting her do his thinking, I don't want to be a part of his life. So how do I get back to how I felt this morning? 🍎

[Knoxx]

Honestly, I believe that you do not need that person or the drama in your life. I have learned first hand that if a person wants you in their life, they will make time no matter what. I have had friends I have known since high school start to act funny now. I use to stress it all the time. I reached out and they still would not make the time of day for me. They can post on social media all day, but will act like they never seen my call or text. My chest use to get tight and I would start to over think. It took me some time to realize, but I finally asked myself why am I working so hard to be noticed by a person that apparently can care less about me. Once you give up that weight, life will definitely go back to how your morning started. I try to keep this quote with me when I am feeling down “if it doesn’t affect your goals or bank account, it’s not worth it”. Everything will get better, just release that bad energy from your life and stay positive 💪🏾.