I feel awful

[skidrew]

I’ve been spiraling down over the past few months. I’m hitting bottom with depression and anxiety. Trouble sleeping, eating and even getting out of bed. Divorced 2 years ago and just a ton of trauma over the past 4 years. Tried and continue meds and counseling but I’m just not responding as my life gets harder. I’m totally overwhelmed and can’t stop all the crap that goes thru my head.

[Hidden]

Hey, I hear you. It seems like when one bad thing happens, a million more things pile up on top of you. That's my life right now too. I've had so much mind altering trauma happen in my life that I don't even feel like the same person anymore. I hate who I've become. I've spent years trying to find the right meds, and some get close to helping but nothing ever really actually helps. Years of therapy as well to help with my negative thoughts. Life seriously can suck so bad sometimes.

I read a couple of your other posts just to understand your story a bit more. The advice that I have to offer is that you should be proactive in trying to change your life. You are the only one that can really make things better. If you still don't have a job, get one so you can have a distraction and meet other people. Do online dating or go out with a friend and do something different. Be selfish for once and stop worrying about everyone else. Even though you renovated the house, you should just move on. Sell your half and start your own new life. As hard as it can be, you have to let go of your old life and make room for a new one.

I also firmly believe an animal can help. I have cats and a little dog that help me through some tough times.

Good luck 🙏

[skidrew in reply to Hidden]

Thanks I did very well in my career so I’ve lived very well off savings. Spent 2 summers walking the beach for miles, processing and letting go. One winter skiing in the mountains. Yes lots of dates then got used by a player. She really messed me up and all the time I spent letting go and being ok turned and brought back to the pain. Not to mention the family I helped and took care of turned on me . It’s just sad how a very close family turned into a mess.

[Hidden in reply to skidrew]

I completely understand. I've been through the same thing. Being used and abused.

I used to walk the beach ALL the time through my depressive states. It's nice but i also felt very alone. I’m sorry that person took advantage of you as well. That’s happened to me practically my whole life so I’ve become an expert at learning red flags ASAP. You seem like you were making great progress. Maybe go away for a while! Take a vacation and leave it all behind.

Something I’ve also learned is: “ a person you just met or may not know you very well could have better intentions for you over someone you have known your whole life”.

I have a very small family and I used to value the time we spent together because I was always jealous of everyone’s big families. These days my family has been torn apart and no one really talks to each other anymore. It’s sad but the most important people to me nor are my parents and sister. They will always be there for me no matter what.

Just let it go and make room for better people and things.

[skidrew in reply to Hidden]

Yeah the red flags were there but somehow I couldn’t bring myself to keep my boundaries and limitations. Unfortunately my adult son is being controlled and manipulated by his Mom and seriously struggling with MH issues and she is in denial and enabling. There’s so much more...