As I lay here it’s 12:34am in the United States, Eastern Time. I think, “wow it’s 2020” it’s as if something just hit me and I had my “ah ha moment” I made it through 2019 with a lot of terrible beginnings and challenges. “ I made it through it” I lay here in total shock because when I look back on all the nights, days and weeks I cried, with my heart feeling heavy with resentment, anger, sadness, disappointment and thought I couldn’t get by another day, it’s now January 1, 2020 and I was about to LIVE THROUGH everything. 2020 I want to live with hope. I want to live with my days filled with happiness. I want to live with the fact even on my worst days it can be followed with good ones.
I want to also acknowledge, having this website any hour or day and be able to just write my thoughts has been a huge life saver. I like to interact with people who have similar wants and needs. I like to give and read the encouraging replies and posts. I appreciate and value it. Being brought up in a home with a mother who has a mental illness, (she has never been diagnosed, she refused to see a therapist) throughout my 38 years, I’ve been surrounded by negative remarks from my mom and ex husband. I noticed throughout my life there was an invisible magnet that drew me to ppl with very similar traits as my mother. It’s not until my life in 2019 I figured out why it happened. I figured out what I was experiencing that lead me to people with traits like my mother ( who basically started it).
I hope as I go through 2020 I receive blessings and more lessons in life that I am more equipped mentally to take on.
Here’s to the year 2020!
Written by
UnderstandingMyPain
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Yes, you made it. 2020 I'm in CA, just 9:50pm.. Stay positive, I believe there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Even though the roar is rocky. Happy New Year..
Yes, that was a nice post. I hope you have a happier and healthy New Year.
I think I know what you mean by that aha moment. I learned a lot getting involved with the wrong people, up to the point when I too said, Oh now I see what happened, why I got involved. Then I am better able to how I cprotect my feelings in the future. I think life provides us with opportunities to figure our past out so we can learn, move forward, and grow. Sometimes we continue to repeat and replay our past until we understand and eventually get it right.
Exactly!!!! That is it! You explained that “on point”. I find myself actually paying attention to individuals and their behaviors. I noticed since I started doing that and not trusting individuals as quickly, it’s been good.
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I can’t wait
I can’t do it - I can’t do this life 
I can’t sleep anymore 
Can’t take it 
