Started second week of ECT this morning. I think I’d fooled myself into thinking I was feeling better but today as I was lying in the bed waiting for treatment I just started crying. When I woke up I started crying again, and almost the whole way home. I felt/feel an overwhelming hopelessness, and am asking myself “wtf has happened to my life?” The way my life used to be keeps getting further & further in the rear view mirror.
As far as side effects from ECT, the headaches have been relentless. Also some mild memory loss — I’m a Pilates and yoga instructor & the other day was teaching & realized I’d done the same pose about six times in a row lol.
My husband has a HUGE family and I’m trying to think of excuses to not attend Thanksgiving dinner — too many people makes me shut down. I get tired of telling everyone “I’m fine” when I’m not. Also this will be the first holiday since my dad entered assisted living & I’m worried about him falling or forgetting stuff or people. I can barely be responsible for myself, much less my dad.