Hello. Is anyone dealing with a spouse with Alzheimer's? It's constant grieving as the disease progresses. I get waves of sadness that overcome me. It's overwhelming. My husband is in a facility now and that helps. I am starting to find time for myself. But now I am dealing with being alone. Sometimes I enjoy it, but other times I miss a partner. And I get triggered so easily it seems and spiral down into depression. I am in therapy and it seems to help somewhat. But sometimes I just want relief from constant struggle.
Anne
Written by
carlybette
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I understand, Anne. My husband also had dementia for many years prior to his death. I never knew whether he had Alzheimer's specifically or not because he was uncooperative for testing and then developed terminal cancer. I suppose you know Alzheimer's is simply one form among many types of dementia? And, like you, after his death in our case, I both had times of enjoying my new singleness and other times I missed having a partner.
Because he'd become abusive, after his death and after the numbness wore off, I felt a new freedom and release from a stressful situation. But I still battle depression and, at times, feel so tired of the constant struggle of day-to-day living. Like right now...I would love to escape the bills, home maintenance, mail, and paperwork, paperwork, paperwork.
Wouldn't it be grand if you and I could run away for a few days and go somewhere nice and beautiful? Where we had no work to do, no phone calls, and no bills? A relax and recharge kind of place? And we'd have each other to talk to if we wanted some companionship. 🦋🍃😊
I fight depression with a positive attitude, keeping gratitude for what I do have on my mind, living mostly for today, not dwelling on negative things, and listening to my upbeat Christian music. I also take my meds and go to CBT counseling. I rarely listen to the news...or any TV for that matter. If you'd like to talk, just pm me. If you'd like to see some beautiful or interesting photography with an uplifting message, click on my name and look at some of my many (40+) posts here. You might look at 1 a day to start you getting a little lift each day. I hope your feelings improve and you see a lifting of them very soon.
Thank you for the reply, BonnieSue. It's hard not to be uplifted with your beautiful photo. And positive attitude.
It would be wonderful to run away and go somewhere with no worries or cares. It makes me sad to be where I am and know that other people have a partner and support. I gave it to God to put someone in my life if that is His plan. It's just that I keep taking it back from God and then I have to do it all over again. So I am giving it to God again.
I am currently in a DBT program where I have gained some insights into my life. First and foremost is that no one is going to rescue me, so I have to do the work myself to get better. Really annoying. Where is that white knight when you need him? Or that rich, caring, supportive, funny and good looking sugar daddy. Except that I am still married on paper so I guess the sugar daddy is out of the question.
My husband does not know who I am but he is glad to see me so there must be some recognition going on. I take him to McDonald's for a burger and ice cream. He loves ice cream. So he gets away from his facility for a short time. I usually clean his feet, especially between the toes, because that doesn't seem to happen with the facility staff. Also wash his head with special shampoo. The rest is up to the staff at the facility. He gets a shower maybe once a week. But they do what they can. He is physically still in good health so changing his poopy pants can be a challenge and he gets aggressive.
I'm sorry to hear your husband was abusive to you. My husband only became aggressive when trying to change or clean him. And that happened after he was put in a facility. I just had a really hard time getting him to do anything when he lived at home.
I guess I've blathered on long enough. Thank you for the encouraging message.
I loved reading your message! No blathering, really!
I think it's perfect that you put in God's hands whether you meet someone special or not.
It's a bit of a problem for you to meet your white knight while still married, so I suspect God will hold off a bit. But have faith, he will come through if that's his plan for you. I didn't tell you yet, I did the same thing and eventually I met my now fiancee right here on HU! I put any future relationship in God's hands and in time he exposed us to each other through our volunteering here on this site. I grew to know him well through talking and sharing here and then Skyping many hours.
How thoughtful you are when taking care of your hubby! It's definitely a challenge, isn't it? Depends diaper changes can be atrocious! I remember back when my hubby and I cared for a neighbor with dementia whom we'd had to put in a memory care facility. At first we could take her out for dinner, but eventually the dementia caused her to become too disoriented and uncomfortable leaving the facility so we had to stop the dinners. Staff told us that was a normal progression for dementia.
Now my 89 yr. old mom has age-related dementia. Here we go again! First my neighbor, then my husband, now my mom. Ah, well.
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