Please help? I’m feeling like dying.

[ehh22]

Parents against my relationship.

Been together with him 6 years .

What is the next step now , listen to mother or follow my heart?

[brokenlight]

In my experience, intuition is the best guide.

And maybe there is a way, through possible trial and error, to keep both relationships and incorporate it all?

Best of luck ✨

[Ehrich]

ehh22 , that is a difficult question for me or anyone else to answer. Do you know your mother's reasons for not liking this man? Are her concerns valid? How confident are you that your understanding and agreement, or lack of agreement, with your mother's concerns is not affected by your feelings for this man?

It is often hard to understand why parents do not like the people we date. Often their reasons are justified, and are based on experiences they have had or know of due to the fact that they are older and have seen and experienced more than we have. It also is often because they want you to have the "perfect" partner (which does not exist, btw) and because of that, no one will ever be good enough for their child.

If you are 100% positive that you are seeing this man as he truly is, and that you are not excusing or ignoring bad and/or dangerous behavior towards you or anyone else, then I would normally tell you to go with your heart. But pease try to understand your mother's concerns. You have been with this man for six years, which would lead me to believe that your mother knows him reasonably well by now. And if she does know him reasonable well, there must be a reason she disapproves. Parents are, by default, extremely protective of their children. Before you make any decision, please take the time to understand your mother's concerns. And if you are not sure if her concerns are valid, please ask a trusted friend who knows this man what they think about your mother's concern. Make sure your friend knows that you need their honest assessment, and that you will not be upset with them if they agree with your mother.

This probably was not the answer you were hoping for, but I believe that I would be doing you a severe disservice if I provided any other response.

[ehh22 in reply to Ehrich]

I kept my relationship with him private, now that she has figured out . She doesn’t know him much. She just knew where he’s from and religion. She has never talked to him or try to get to know him.She doesn’t like him because he’s from different backgrounds, country, religion , language barriers and different nationalities. She wanted me to find a man who has same beliefs, same background, same language.

[Ehrich in reply to ehh22]

What are her concerns with him being of a different religion, nationality, and culture? If you have been dating him for six years you clearly have solved the communication issue.

Does she have any reason to fear that his culture, religion, country, and/or background would result in you being mistreated or harmed in any way? Is she afraid that you will move far away and she will never get to see you?

How important is religion to you and your culture? Is there any historic conflict between your religion and his?

Your mother's reasons, on the surface, seem bigoted, but there may be semi-valid reasons behind them.

If her only real concern is because he is "different", then that is really not valid. But, you need to press her more to understand the nature of her concerns. As I stated before, parents are usually protective of their children. Her objections, even if unfounded, may be out of love for you. You really need to have a conversation with her and fully understand the nature of her objections. It has to be more than just "We are X, and you should marry X". particularly when there is no known conflict between whatever you are (culture, religion, country, etc..) and whatever he is (culture, religion, country, etc..).

[ehh22 in reply to Ehrich]

the answer is yes from all of the above to ur question. All of her concerns. But I’ve been with him for 6 years so I knew everything about him .

[Ehrich in reply to ehh22]

I agree with Hidden and mixed-emotions . You need to do what you feel is right. I just want you to be certain that your mother's concerns are unfounded. If her concerns are unwarranted then do what your heart tells you, but please make sure are 100% positive that she is wrong. Please make sure that you are seeing things clearly and are not letting your feelings for this man cause you to ignore problems.

Your mother is probably just trying to protect you.

I hope that whatever decision you make it is the right one and you find happiness.

[ehh22 in reply to Ehrich]

Thanks my dear!

[Hidden]

Hmm it depends a little on why they are against it and also I think your heart and mind will know the answer to this x

(Edit) okay just saw that it’s because of different backgrounds.. in that case unless you agree with her , that you need someone of your own background , then you should stay with him x but that’s what I would do (and did do - I’ve been through similar stuff pm me if u like)

[Hidden]

What do you think?...I ask you the same question..

[mixed-emotions]

Do what you feel is best for YOU! that's all that matters, YOU are all that matters.

[ehh22 in reply to mixed-emotions]

Yeh, I will follow my heart! And that’s where I get my happiness .

[kenster1]

your an adult with your own heart and mind and you believe he is the right man for you that's what matters most.

[ehh22 in reply to kenster1]

Thanks ! That’s what I wanted to hear most and need some strength.