I don’t know

[iriss]

I don’t know what’s happening anymore

I’m not going back to my therapist anymore (so I have nobody to share feelings with anymore)

I don’t cry or get upset or show emotions I just fake my happiness

I have auditions and I’m so stressed and I don’t sound good and my hands hurt from playing and I don’t know why and I don’t know how to fix it and I’m so stressed out that I’m literally crying and I can’t practice because it sounds awful

But I need to practice because I still don’t have everything learned yet but I literally can’t practice without crying because I just can’t

My first audition is tomorrow and I also am performing the same song in a talent show tomorrow and it sounds so bad and I don’t think either thing is going to go well and I don’t even want to go to either of them

My life is just so shitty right now I feel so alone and so sad and I miss my mom so much because I don’t feel a bond with my dad and it’s not the same with my step dad

I want someone to hug me and hold me and comfort me but I feel uncomfortable and gross when literally anyone touches me

I hate touching people so much but I want comfort so bad

I’m getting worse every day and I don’t know what to do and I’m so stressed and my grades aren’t good and I’m not doing my homework and I’m literally just wasting my life doing nothing and I hate myself for it

I feel so alone

I don’t have a best friend or a boy friend or literally anyone I feel 100% comfortable around

I never hang out with people because I’m constantly busy

I miss my mom

I don’t know what to do

Everything sucks

I’m not even diagnosed with anything and I feel like my mind is literally so messed up and I feel so messed up and I’m so sad and I hate everything and I have no motivation and I want to quit playing viola because it doesn’t make me happy because NOTHING MAKES ME HAPPY

I wake up everyday and I’m never happy

I wake up every day wishing I didn’t have to get up and go to school because I hate going there and I hate having to deal with people

I’m so exhausted every day that I’m almost falling asleep in my last two classes of the day

I want to be happy

I’m not happy

I don’t know how to be happy

I hate my life

[Hidden]

Hiii I’m a musician, too, and I can say that if you are this anxious about your audition, you’ll be great. I’m here for you.