The last 5 days

[Loki1018]

Good afternoon everyone,

So the last five days have been brutal, anxiety and depression have been shadow.

I been going through separation anxiety with my mother since I left her house on Monday after Mother's day spent the whole weekend there. I just have this ominous feeling of death following me and if I don't feel as though my times is coming to an end, I feel as though my mother may pass. She is in good health thank the lord, but then this sets off my anxiety.

The first time I ever experienced separation anxiety was when I was 10 years old after my father suddenly passing away from a massive heart attack I thought that she would be next to be taken away from. After having to return to school that was a disaster every time she would drop me off in school I would go into a huge panic attack and there would be times where I would have to go home with her.

Then I was angry, angry at the fact that although I take all my meds so that I can be ok, I began to think how the hell did I get here ? Having to take a pill for this and a pill for that.

I just been feeling very lost lately other then anger I then go numb and feel no emotions.

At times I feel as though I'm just a body doing its functions of breathing and living and just going on like this day by day just to live a life to then one day pass away and be put into the ground.

[Rick1on1]

Hi,

It's understandable that you have anxiety over losing your mom because you lost your dad at an early age. Trying to make sense of the loss at such an early stage of your development has left you scarred to the point where you question the meaning of your existence.

I have experienced this and without going into too much philosophy is too say that we exist to make things better for those that will exist after us.

This was crystallized for me at the birth of my son and although I still have Depression and Anxiety it helps me to keep that "ray of yonder hope" shining.

Besides meds, what else are you doing to better your situation?

[Loki1018 in reply to Rick1on1]

I keep busy I do my best to distract my mind from thoughts. The saying “ idle hands make for a devil’s play ground” well for me it’s more like Idle mind so I try to keep busy and when it’s anxiety due to my mom if she is home I’ll go over and spend time there with her and my brother.

[Hidden]

Almost like just existing. I totally understand that.