He staggered to the medline
and wept bitterly from his soul
for hope, he feared, that he'd never find
to fill that gaping hole.
Somewhere in the sands of time,
a boy still plays at his father's feet
when happiness didn't cost a dime
and he danced to a different beat.
But that was years ago -
the song had ended much too fast.
He refused the meds, walked real slow,
and cradled his playful past.
Why is he turning away from the meds?
He just doesn't want them. I didn't want them. Unsure of what it would do to my mind or body and I just choose, chose, not to. Glad I made that choice, personally. I'd rather feel and remember. I don't want to lose that.
Nothing against people who do and not saying I haven't self-medicated. But I just don't like the psych meds I've tried.
I remember this one! It struck me then as now as something like a ballad, but more personal -- a Song of Innocence and Song of Experience merged together.
I see the man in the poem as turning towards what A.E. Housman called "the land of lost content" in his poem from A Shropshire Lad:
I'm going to check that out just to compare the two. Sounds interesting. And thank you. I wrote this in a very trying time and I thank God that I was able to endure it.
that last line is awesome.
Thanks. That's my favorite line as well. True story, too. That was a low point in my life that I still don't understand and try not to think about, but it's getting easier. I've learned that those kinds of memories can have a good impact on our lives if we have the right amount of support and hopeful outlook. I believe that God helped me through it, too - just because of the healing process and sequence of events. It's evident to me that it took some kind of perfect wisdom, goodwill, and power over my situation to have had the outcome I did not only in this case, but in other traumatic circumstances. Just sharing that with you.
It can be difficult to deal with those emotional swings, but keeping them in check, even with mindfulness and awareness of the cause and our other feelings helps me loads. I wish I had a spiritual group I could depend upon that shared my belief systems or past-life practices...
It sounds like you are a better person than whatever pain your soul held into itself with. I'm still struggling through this of mine, but I won't forever...
I don't think you have to, but you know your situation better than I do. I've been through a lot and not only that, I've always had unhealthy ways of coping - drug use and sex, namely, but among other things. I try to limit my spiritual support to a community level - a local community. It's hard for me to get the support I need solely from internet groups. Thankful to have them, though. It does help, I suppose. Anyway, for what it's worth, I really do hope the best for you - that your outcomes be continually progressive, exceedingly good, and long lasting.
do you have any recommendations for groups for someone to look for?
Faith based? No. Not really. If you find one, let me know.
No. Not looking for faith. Real people with real solutions would be awesome. As irrational as some and emotionally present people can be, group discussion and cohort learning and dependability works.
Oh, my bad. I had you mixed up with another comment (not that faith is not a real solution). I wouldn't have sent that had I not mistaken you. Someone else was commenting about faith. My bad. But yeah, in the way of groups... like Facebook groups?
I guess. I was thinking maybe more brick and mortar type groups, you know. Wasn't sure if that had been what you were speaking on
Letting go of Control
middle of the night 
Feelings of pain dealing with the loss.
Photo of Colin the wonderful Springer spaniel who loved and supported me as well as coming loads of adventures all over Europe. 
I feel my sanity leaving me 