Why is it that I keep going back and forth between feeling reassured by doctors and being terrified of both physical and mental diseases that I don’t have?
I put myself into a nervous state this morning because Zoloft makes me feel weird, and I’m weaning off, and my anxiety makes me feel weird. I seriously struggle so bad with depersonalization and derealization; it’s gotten worse since starting Zoloft.
I’ve made progress but I’m so scared of diseases.
I keep getting terrified of psychosis and schizophrenia to the point where I am afraid I’ll start to hear voices or see things. My psychotherapist keeps assuring me I’m fine, a friend of mine who is a psychotherapist said I don’t have either, and two psychiatrists said I’m showing no signs. Why does anxiety do this to me?
I’ve been taking time off of work to focus on my mental health and today I’m just so nervous being by myself. I don’t like being alone. My boyfriend gets home in a little over four hours and I’m trying to keep busy until then.
I’ve been making progress. I used to not be able to spend this much time alone without freaking out.
Zoloft just makes me feel so weird. I don’t even know how to explain it. Like, I have those vivid dreams that feel so so real, but I feel like so loopy when I wake up from them. Like I can’t stop thinking of them/can’t shake the feeling of them. I feel distant now and I was watching my favorite show earlier and literally felt like super distant from it but like it was familiar at the same time. I have been dreaming about everything lately, so I’ll sometimes look at something and be instantly reminded of a dream I had. Before, I seriously convinced myself I had epilepsy but after talking to the doctor and running tests, I think it’s really just weird depersonalization since everything came back normal.
I had the weirdest thing happen earlier when I was doing my hair where my face almost looked unfamiliar and then I started panicking and got freaked out. It was weird. Then I started to see similarities between my boyfriend’s ex from years ago and me and I got super insecure and like freaked out. He’s given me no reason to be insecure but I’m a loser and saw her Facebook yesterday and it made me feel anxious.
I don’t know, I just need reassurance. Do I sound like I’m losing it or is it just anxiety?
How do I know this? Because people who are losing it believe that there is nothing wrong with them whatsoever, and that the problem is with everybody else around them. This is because they have lost touch with reality.
Anxiety sufferers are just the opposite...they are too much in touch with reality. And so it's a paradox, but any psychologist will tell you that the fear of losing it is one of the surest signs that you are perfectly sane. However, you don't feel sane, and that is because of anxiety.
Your feelings of depersonalization and derealization, as disturbing as they may be, are symptoms of anxiety and nothing more. You are in no real danger.
As for what you should do about it, I've had the most success by following the advice of members of this forum who have recovered. I would start with this member:
Oh wow. Thank you so much. You caught me at the worst point of bringing myself into panic. The part of losing control and going crazy really helped me. I was really freaking out earlier
Thank you so much for helping!!! I seem to keep going between fears of mental health to fears of physical, but this helps me at least realize it’s anxiety. And it’s bad anxiety. I’m going to combat this! Thank you 🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄
You are so welcome. And yes, you are going to combat this. In fact, as you'll find out, you combat it best by relaxing and accepting it and allowing yourself to feel it, instead of fighting it or trying to make it go away.
With what we call "panic attacks," what is happening is, we experience an unpleasant thought or feeling, which is perfectly normal. But then we react to it. We think, "why am I feeling this way?!" This signals your brain that you are in danger, and your brain responds by releasing adrenaline in your body. This is perfectly normal if you are in fact being chased by a grizzly bear or something, but with anxiety sufferers it is happening out of context, at an inappropriate time, and that is why we experience that feeling of terror and worry that we are losing it.
But when you relax and float through it and accept it, and allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling and not fight it, you are sending a clear message to your brain that you are in no physical danger and that you do not need that surge of adrenaline. You don't even have to relax and be calm for real. You can just pretend and fake it. It sends the same message either way.
In time, with practice, you will still be feeling anxiety, but you won't be reacting to it with fear. You'll just be noticing it, not engaging with it. You will start to get bored with it and lose interest in it, believe it or not. This means you are recovering, simply because you have changed your attitude towards anxiety. You will have realized that panic attacks are not something that happen to us. They are something we do to ourselves. And we can train ourselves not to do it. It just takes some time and practice.
You will eventually recover, and then you will be one of the site members giving advice to the new folks.
I'd recommend reading a few of this member's posts as well. They sure helped me.
Hi I can't add anything to Teeno's great reply except to say that you are not a loser! You are a winner because you are fighting the good fight along with us all on here. Banish negative words like that from your vocabulary! You are ok. x
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