Sorry

[HeyItsThatKidd]

Can't do it anymore, I can't live like this....Sorry...

[Humankind-BE_BOTH]

Is someone with you? Please don't do anything rash.

[HeyItsThatKidd in reply to Humankind-BE_BOTH]

Damn near my whole immediate family is here.... Can't do anything......Unless it's quick....I'm just....In the abyss now

[Bird-67]

Please reply and tell us more about yourself and maybe we can help ❤️

[HeyItsThatKidd in reply to Bird-67]

What's for me to say? I can't even find where to start nor can I get past my OCD enough to even type anything without it giving me another horrendous anxiety attack. Then I'll be let here feeling even more drained and like the world is gonna come crashing down....

[pink83737]

Stay strong! You can do this, don’t give up now. Please . It gets better and I want you to see that!

[HeyItsThatKidd in reply to pink83737]

I've been believing that since Freshman year and things have only gotten progressively worse and I let it....Now there's no crawling out....It's beyond my control now

[pink83737 in reply to HeyItsThatKidd]

I totally understand how you feel but I can promise you it does get better. I never thought it ever would but it did, just gotta believe it will get better and it will!

[AZ1970]

There is help. I know you can’t see hope. Stay connected with us. We’ve been there and understand.

[HeyItsThatKidd in reply to AZ1970]

I can assure you...This situation...is very likely where many of you may not have been.

[Hidden]

Keep talking to us. We understand how you’re feeling.

[HeyItsThatKidd in reply to Hidden]

But an understanding isn't the same...There is no escape from the hell inside the mind because that's what we are always stuck with.

[Hidden in reply to HeyItsThatKidd]

I’ve felt the same way...

I’ve been down this road many times. I’ve attempted and thankfully, I failed.

The mind is a powerful thing but so are you. You control your mind. You hold the power.

Ending your precious life is not the answer. Believe me.

[Bird-67]

Oh bless you, I do know exactly how you feel as I have had OCD most of my life.

Believe me it will get better if you can hang in there and seek help.

Are you getting any help? medication, therapy etc?

Have you told your parents how you are feeling?

Please don’t do anything rash and keep talking to us all for as long as you like.

[HeyItsThatKidd in reply to Bird-67]

I'm in therapy but she's not available til Wednesday🤦🏾 and I can't tell my mom.... But she knows what happened already

[Bird-67]

Can you tell one of us in a private message as we really want to help

[Ashfaren]

Keep writing here ...we will always reply

[HeyItsThatKidd in reply to Ashfaren]

I'll try to stick around

[Bird-67]

Is it scary intrusive thoughts you are having?

[HeyItsThatKidd in reply to Bird-67]

Dude, it's so many of them a day....They aren't even just intrusive....they just take over

[Bird-67 in reply to HeyItsThatKidd]

Yes I totally understand as I have been there with the thoughts and please believe me when I say I never ever thought I would be where I am now after CBT as the thoughts never ever left my mind.

Can I ask, are they harm thoughts?

[HeyItsThatKidd in reply to Bird-67]

A large portion of them are

[Bird-67 in reply to HeyItsThatKidd]

Yes I thought so. Please keep talking

[Bird-67]

Would you like to private message me?

[HeyItsThatKidd in reply to Bird-67]

Look at my previous posts...they'll give plenty of insight to what built up to this point

[Bird-67]

Ok will do

[mjmurp05]

Glad to see you still posting. Have you considered going to the hospital? It may seem drastic, but if it’s the only way to get the help you deserve...That’s what I did, I went to the ER until I got myself into the hands of someone who would make sure I was safe and do whatever needed to happen help get me some relief. And relief did come, in pharmaceutical form. From reading your posts it sounds to me like you really deserve some relief. And you deserve it as quickly as possible. Youve been battling a long time and you’ve made it this far - plus you’re on this site and posting. I hate to tell you this but youve already taken several first steps towards getting better. I’m very proud of you - I never would have posted on a site like this in my darkest moments of crisis. In fact this is my first post eve on this site. I can’t tell from your other posts if you are on meds, but I was terrified of going on them. And I honestly thought there was no way out and I couldn’t see how it would be possible to escape the pain. Plus how could anyone possibly understand what was happening to me? How could a doctor possibly understand all the intricacies of my problems and know how to help me after talking to me for a small fraction of time, but as someone else with OCD/depression/anxiety once told me: the doctors aren’t going in the back room after seeing you and saying to each other “we have to write a new book about this brain”! Find a good doctor and demand good help until you get it. Your therapist may not be one of the good ones but I promise you there are many others out there who will take care of you and see to it you get the help you deserve. I will never ever forget the first moment of relief when it washed over me, it was like being able to breathe after months of drowning underwater. I had suffered for so long, it felt like forever. And nothing about my world had changed but yet there I sat feeling unexplainably ok. It took a bit of time but once I got a glimpse of that hope, a reminder of what feeling ok felt like I knew I had to keep fighting to survive. That it must be possible to get back to that feeling. And from there it was baby steps but I started to make some progress - and I’m still in recovery now but I’m starting to see the light more and more. But my brain was on fire and I had to put the fire out before I could start to try to untangle the mess inside. CBT, psychoanalysis and DBT wouldn’t have been possible for me to even begin to grasp had I not gone on the meds first. I don’t know much about your story or your background but YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH and so is your life and you deserve help. I’ll say to you what my Aunt said to me: I require you to hold on and keep battling. If you do, I absolutely promise you that there will come a time down the road when you look back at this moment, this time in your life, this passing phase/season/chapter and you will be so proud and grateful that you fought for your life. That you fought to survive. I promise you that the sky will get bluer. We are here for you friend. We understand. We have been there too, each in our own way maybe. But it’s going to be ok. Please don’t give up! And please consider going to the hospital or calling someone so they can help steer you in the right direction towards relief.

[Humankind-BE_BOTH]

I hope you took mjmurp05 advice. Please let us know you are ok.