Has Anyone Else. ???????

[Cocoon3]

Has anyone else ????????

ever thought as I have, that if something doesn’t work out , i always have the 2nd option to kill myself ???

I know that’s not right but has anyone else ever thought the same way ????

[Iloveart7]

Yep, I know it's irrational but the thought is still there...

[Cocoon3 in reply to Iloveart7]

🙏

[hurtingheart1]

I’m soo sorry you feel or have felt this way but don’t ever allow yourself to accept this thought say “ no it’s not an option!!!” No way!! Don’t even let the thought in it’s from a very dark ugly place and it’s a lie!!!!! Don’t ever believe it please!!! Be careful what you surround yourself with reading, movies, music, other peoples wrong distorted hurtful talk or thoughts! Protect your heart the very best you can!! Tell yourself a diff better message & that you deserve soo soo much better. Look for the light the positive and the beauty that’s around you! Pray for it and for peace I know it’s hard I struggle w/ sadness pain and many on here do we care though we understand you are not alone!!!!🌻🌸💕🌺🌷🌹🐕🐱🐼🦁🐸🐧🐣🦆🦉🐛🦋🐞🦕🐢🐠🐟🐬🐋🐳🐅🐆🦓🦒🐘🌵🌲🌴🌿☘️🍀🍃🍂🌎💫🌈🌤☃️🍏🍎🍊🍓🍇🍉🥦🥑🥥🎨🎻🎹🎷🎺🎸🎼🎧🎻think of all the beautiful things you can and things that can make you hopeful to enjoy! I hope you have some peace and feel better days ahead!!!

[Cocoon3 in reply to hurtingheart1]

Wow... Your Words Really Hit My Heart !!!

I have never felt so alone as I have been the last few months & I am so grateful that I found this website - within a few hrs of joining it has definitely made me feel more secure & comforted....and I don’t even know who y’all are, but —- in a short period of time, I have received more concern & positive words, then anyone that is presently in my life.

[hurtingheart1 in reply to Cocoon3]

Thank you for your reply-I am glad you’re here and yes maybe we haven’t met in person but I can never be ok with a fellow human in pain that way or to feel soo low - if I’m able I will try my best to lift others up to try to see some hope because there must be reasons we are here!!!🌻🌸💞I know it’s all complicated sometimes but we to need care more for each other as people and help!! What I can’t comprehend always is why we aren’t learning to love more in person with ones around us in our lives?? To Have more compassion, more attention for those around us in pain??- like in school that should be an important class- phycology of humans- caring & love for your fellow human❤️❣️(Haha -hope it’s not to strange!!??)But I’m kinda serious in way!! Anyway - hope you keep posting here-people do understand here and it is comforting & so nice to discover!🌻

[torpe]

Absolutely. I completely understand where you’re coming from. Please stay strong and know that it’ll be hard, but it’ll be better and i am here if you ever need to vent!

[Cocoon3 in reply to torpe]

Thank you sooo much!!!

Is this a Local Group , like in Louisiana ??

I can feel the loneliness that is taking over my Heart slightly lifting - Thank You ... I just get so tired of treading water

[torpe in reply to Cocoon3]

No problem, my friend! I believe this is a local group, but quite honestly I’m not too sure 😯 you’re never alone! I understand how tired it can be and right now I’m thinking that sometimes life is like a 5k race and right now the treading water is the middle of the race, but once that lactic acid kicks in you finish strong! Not sure if that makes any sense, but what I’m trying to get at is even though it seems hopeless, there is a silver lining!!! If you ever need someone to talk to I’m here

[hypercat54]

It's common to think that and I have lived with that thought all my life. I see it as a kind of comfort blanket but only to be used in extreme circumstances, and to be honest I probably never will now. It has served it's usefulness and there have been times I couldn't have carried on without it. x

[Hidden]

Yes I do...

[Hidden]

Sometimes but the thought never really stays or takes root. It’s more tongue and cheek. Like a way of me seeing how silly I am being. Yeah it sucks to fail but it gets easier to get back up after each time.

[EsmeKells]

I have that thought daily to be honest. I feel it is normal and I try not to entertain it too long because than I go to the dark corners of my head and end up crying and looking like crap when I wake up. Am constantly telling myself to fight and move foreward. There are better things to think about but it happens.

[Cocoon3 in reply to EsmeKells]

Understand completely!!

Last night I asked my husband if he was all right because there was like complete silence since he had gotten home and he said NO. I said OK ...would u please tell me , talk to me about it - he said NO, I don’t feel like a right now... I told him you never feel like talking about anything & this is just our marriage.. he closed his eyes to go to sleep. I said well baby, our home is so silent unless I’m talking I said that’s the worst thing for my depression and (then to be quite frank & Private) with you , I asked him why he hasn’t touched me except 1 time in four years and that was this past years anniversary and I initiated it. he said I don’t know -I said well so I hear a man can’t go without- I said so you must pleasure yourself, which is fine with me when I’m being touched sometimes. He sd I don’t do that! I said I found the magazines in your truck so why you always lie to me ? Again...silence. Y’all I think he’s just staying with me for his pride - not for love and I’ve asked him that before and he said no baby but he’s going to ever admit that you know.. where we live everybody knows everybody and if he would leave me now they would say he left her right in the middle of her health declining etc. so that’s what I think. This evening whenever he gets home I’m not starting up in any conversation and I’m not bringing up what we talked about last night- it’s a struggle for me to even try to get out of bed in the morning !! I’m mad at my best friends for dying on me and January almost 30 years of friendship, I even blame myself because yes I was in pain, one of my kidneys was not functioning but only 10% , surgery was in April and that’s a whole other story of how I was treated at home during recovery by hubby and no visitors whatsoever at the hospital by his family.

But over the years me and my BFF whoever was not the sickest would go to check on the other and she had a respiratory infection along with COPD but also had scleroderma- I wasn’t aware of the dangers of scleroderma that’s actually what killed her It caused her whole digestive system to have a stroke and die but in retro her texts were really like begging me to go and then I was hurting sooo bad & bloated 55 lbs Of toxins...I would tell her please go to the doctor please but she wouldn’t.

I just truly feel alone for the first time in my entire life & I’m almost 50.

My psychiatrist wants me to find a therapist are used to see one but we did not click to well I don’t feel like starting over , don’t feel like talking about any of it so what do you do? all I know is ...either I have to get enough strength to get my ass back up or die as the three love ones that loved me unconditionally, two of which gave up on life & just died.. they were terribly depressed. I’m overwhelmed.. even though I’m sick emotionally and physically and I’m disabilities I am forced to deal with

the whole household, car maintenance, etcccccc & then his stomping off like a two-year-old and then the subject up my mom....my relationship with my mom actually I asked God to forgive me..

I forgive me afterwords but I had to hang up on her because she’s totally against my daughter dating a different race, I mean I’m not doing courtwheels over it, but my main thing #1 is my daughter to be happy !! so I told my mom, I said I can feel a panic attack coming on-I have to go . We hv talked since but it’s always been like that. We’ve never been close and I’m her only child I have nobody else. I just keep praying and praying trying to keep myself busy but I can tell my mind is going to a place or trying to that I don’t like to go. Thanks everybody

[FinnPanda]

Almost every day.