In between

This is my first major post here, so hi. I'm BiPolar Type 2 and have anxiety as well. I'm on meds, have regular therapy, and have even been working with a Reiki master which has helped way more than I thought it would. I got to a pretty good place. Not happy, not depressed - I guess what normal is supposed to feel like, I don't remember honestly. But this past weekend my anxiety and depression kicked up and I was in a weird place all weekend. Still am a bit if I'm honest. Now there is a trigger, my dad passed 3 years ago and we had a very complex relationship. He was a narcissist and an emotional abuser, which I recognize now, but didn't then. So father's day is always weird. I don't miss the man who was my father, but I think I miss the idea of a father. Of a supportive father. Don't get me wrong, my mother is amazing and we have a wonderful relationship. So anyway, I don't know. I thought maybe writing about my mixed feelings and borderline anxiety attacks might help somehow.

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I totally empathize with you! I also felt weird on Sunday. It was my Fathers birthday too. He passed away in 2013. Like you, he was my emotional abuser. I loved him when he was nice and yet I hated him at the same time. He was a mean cuss! It seems like he called me stupid at least once a day to the point that I began to believe it. Oh well, enough dredging up the past! I’m responsible now. You’re not alone! Those ugly words seem to just sit in the pit of my stomach, waiting to invade my head. It’s my job to prevent that from happening by keeping, in part, a positive outlook and a healthy self-esteem. Wow...that’s a big job! Have a great day!! Thanks for sharing your feelings!

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Thanks! It helps to know I'm not alone. I feel like I'm starting to come out of the slump so that's a positive direction! Thanks again.

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Excellent!