I am struggling to hold it together! - Anxiety and Depre...

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I am struggling to hold it together!


I am struggling. Struggling so bad that even writing this seems like a huge effort, but I don't seem to know what to do anymore!

Recently I left a job I had been in for 3 years in which I was not going anywhere with and just fizzled out of desire for. I went for an interview with a very small business (only 4 staff members in total), during the interview I was told I would be offered so many training opportunities in the company and this and that so I jumped at the chance when I was offered the job. Even though I knew deep down it wasn't something I wanted to do in the long run I thought working with this company a few years and getting a few more skills under my belt would be an advantage to take me to a career I would actually like.

I have been with this business over a month now and I am miserable, the grass certainly isn't greener on the other side and it is making my already bad anxiety to a whole new level. I have even got to the point where I think to myself what can I do to hurt myself or become ill in order to not ever have to go in again. I am struggling to get through the day there and I just can't afford to not be there right now. Me and my partner have just brought a house together and we cant afford to live from just his wage. I feel like such a failure and a let down but then I am also struggling so bad mentally going into this job every day.

The promises of training and things I feel was a lie to get me in there, the business keep losing staff and I can see why. Someone actually left on my first week there and when I said how have you found working here and such he was very reluctant to answer but another colleague said there had been issues, along with other staff that have left. They are piling so much work on top of me its becoming hard to cope, I feel I am doing the work of 3 people and expected to get everything done to perfection there and then and its becoming very stressful. I feel I have gone down in job set, I was an engineering administrator and now I am basically just a cleaner and packing boxes and washing up the boss's cup at the end of the day.

I am looking for other work but its becoming a struggle now. I am just not hearing anything back from anything and its really getting me down. I just want out before my 6 month probation ends so I do not have to work full notice I am just finding it so frustrating.

Just wondering if anyone else has been through or going through a similar situation and what you did or how you are coping with it all. Will things get better? Will I get a new job? How do I cope just going in until I get out? I really do not know what to do anymore :(

2 Replies

I don’t have much experience with having a job. I was homebound for fourteen years. What helped me cope while I was agoraphobic was to stay in the present moment. Not to focus on the things I couldn’t change. I would take my days one hour at a time. I would see what had to get done in the present moment. When that was done I would move onto the next task. It made me feel like I was making progress even if my circumstances hadn’t changed. I hope this helps. It is a heavy burden you carry.

I am currently watching my niece go through a similar situation. She is so unhappy with a job she took and has been consistently looking for other opportunities but to no avail. As you stated you need the money and can't afford to quit so I would encourage you to speak to management about your frustration. Be prepared beforehand and ask only poignant questions in a respectful manner so they have no reason to fire you. Also, have solutions for problems you are seeing in the day to day operations but be honest about your lack of promised training. Even if things don't change you will have shown initiative and who knows they may appreciate your honestly and allow you to "move up" in the small company. Best of luck to you.

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