3.1

[mhunnell19]

Based on how far along I was, there was a 3.1% chance of having a miscarriage. Can someone explain to me how it still is not supposed to be my fault?

[Kianav]

What! It's not your fault. I had a miscarriage at 34 weeks...how I got through it is just knowing that she is safe now without pain and everything happens for a reason. I'm so sorry it hurts I know

[StarryNight72]

Hi Mhunnell,

Let me first say that I am so, so incredibly sorry for the loss of your baby. I have lost two children and I know the white-hot, almost numbing pain that the grief of losing a child brings. After I lost my first child, I had my first panic attack and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. After I lost my second child, I became anorexic. The grief is real. The pain is like nothing I’ve ever experienced and I wish it on no one. I blamed the losses on myself. I still struggle with that. I hate blame and fault and really try to live my life in a state of acceptance free from those two things, but it’s a choice I have to make every single day. I think, when a tragedy happens, we -as human beings- need to try to make sense of it. We have this deep seated desire to try to make something so terrible make sense. Our brains and our hearts cry out WHY? We need to know why and what happened in order to try to prevent having to ever feel that pain again. And when someone tells us that there is no why or that there was nothing that could have been done to prevent the tragedy, it really really throws us in a tailspin. It just doesn’t make sense. And so we sit here with all this anger. All this grief. Often alone or surrounded by people who are trying to understand but just can’t. Oh my, the anger I had. It was huge and so big it frightened me to even feel it. So, if someone were to say that it was your fault, how would that benefit you? Would it justify the fact that you want to hate yourself right now? Would it somehow give credence to the fact that you feel you somehow failed? Would having blame and fault somehow make this make sense? My sweet girl, the loss of your child will never make sense. The loss of that sweet, innocent baby grown and nurtured by your own body in a bond so intimate that it is inexplicable to anyone who has never been a mother, is not your fault. You gave life to your baby, not death. It’s not your fault. And I will be here, to sit with you and witness your grief and your sorrow and your anger. I do not judge you. I will not ask you to feel anything false. I will not fill you with false reassurance. Breathe. Remember. Feel the pain. And reach out to us to bear your sorrow with you.

[Dubba61]

So sorry for your loss m. It is painful I know because it happened to me too. A long time ago. I still wonder what he would be like to this day. Actually 24 years ago, tommorrow. But, I think Fate has its way, and he was not meant to be. Might have been badly disabled n had no quality of life. I went on to be blessed with 2 lovely healthy children. My thoughts are with you at this sad time. Be strong. Good things can still happen. 😊✌️🌻