Hi, I'm new and I am new to anxiety seeking help.

[laurc347]

Hi all. I decided to reach out to a community when I started getting panic attacks at work. I entered my PhD program about a year and a half ago and that is when I started feeling anxious and having panic attacks. I have had minor anxiety in the past and I had a panic attack or two when I was in college, but thought that was normal. Finals suck. So when I started my PhD, I thought it was normal to be freaking out. My job is high pressure and high impact, so the responsibility is constantly in my face. I work with not so nice, ambitious people and some of my work can be very tedious and boring. However, the big picture stuff is what I want to do. I love the projects I made for myself, I love the school, I love the community I found outside of my department but I can't transfer. If I want to, I would have to reapply and it would be unlikely that someone would take me. So I want to stay but I don't want to feel this way. I'm currently on med leave because of the anxiety. I had started fainting and having some memory loss. It just got so bad.

Does anyone have any tips for getting through this until I complete my first projects/masters? I can master out or decide to stay. Its hard to choose between my dreams and my health. I wish I could find a way to choose both.

[Scott1951]

I am sorry you are going through such a struggle. Feeling like you have to choose between your dreams and your health must be very difficult. It sounds like your department is a pretty competitive place and that you are not getting much support. Do you think your anxiety is simply performance anxiety (something you just have to push through) or could it be telling you that you would be happier someplace else - perhaps in that community you have found outside of the department? I'm assuming you have explored medication. I sure hope you can find a way to work this out.

[Windy101]

Personally I think your health has to come first. A Ph.D. program is a huge commitment. Have you tried seeing a counselor at your school? They see student anxiety all the time and might be able to help you sort this out.