Almost a year and a half ago, I hit a bout of depression. It took me a while to recognise it as I've always been a happy-go-lucky and high functioning person. In fact, it was my therapist who diagnosed me with it. I went to the therapist as I couldn't understand why I was feeling the way I was, why I felt numb most of the time and why I either couldn't sleep or slept hard for hours, etc.
Anyway, so the doctor prescribed me 20mg of citalopram, which seemed to help. I had that for the first year. After that year I felt that I was starting to feel better again. I ask the doctor if that is purely me or is that the tablets (as obviously that's what they're designed to do). She said that it would be hard to know until I came off them, but she stated it would be best to SLOWLY come off them. So 3 months ago, a started taking one every two days for two months, then last month I moved it to one every three days. I'm currently in my second month of that one. I'm hoping to me citalopram free in the next couple of weeks.
But here's my question -
How can one tell if they are truly ready to come off the anti depressants?
The reason I ask is because the past couple of weeks I have been feeling like my depression is kicking back in. I cry for know reason, I get very irritable very quickly, and I've not been feeling very social. I've cancelled two evenings out with friends in the space of one week because I just wasn't feeling up to it. I feel like I don't wanna go anywhere, don't wanna do anything. And that's not good considering I am self employed and have a business to run!
Could it be I'm feeling like this again because I'm slowly depriving my brain of the chemicals it's had for the past year and a half? Am I not coping without it? OR, could it be I'm feeling all over the place because the chemicals in my brain are imbalanced due to the weaning, and might rebalance eventually? As if my brain is restabilising, and that's the affect I'm feeling?
Any thoughts from anyone would be greatly appreciated.