Feeling down and lonely

Hi everyone. Recap - I have paroxysomal af, atrial flutter and svt - am on 2.5mg bisoprolol. Disgnose sept 2013. Haven't been on here for a good few weeks as I've been feeling really low. Just took the plunge and remortgaged my house due to me and my husband separating last year. Was really nervous to take on a mortgage in case something happened with dud to my af and I couldn't work and i lose my home. I've been to see my cardiologist and EP and again they are refusing to put me on warfarin (they agreed aspirin is useless in af one step forward I suppose) although they have finally agreed to ablation for my SVT. They said if all goes okay I can discuss ablation for my af and flutter. I'm a single mum of 3 girls and want to provide the best for them and don't feel I can if I lose my job. I need to get over this sinking feeling.

17 Replies

  • Hi Millie, I remember your post and your story really touched me. Either divorce or AF on its own is really stressful but coping with both, I can't imagine how stressful that is, which of course is not going be conducive to good health so my heart goes out to you.

    Firstly you are not on your own .....here...

    Secondly one step at a time and only do what you can do in one day.....

    Thirdly make sure your family and friends know you need support and don't forget to ask for it and allow others to help, remember it makes the feel good.....

    Fourthly you get to know who your real friends are in these situations, ditch the good time only ones and find new ones.....believe me I speak from experience.

    We can't do much practically for you but come have a rant anytime and hopefully you won't feel quite so alone.

    Heartfelt best wishes......

  • Hi MIllie

    Lovely post from CDreamer, and I agree with everything.

    I too cannot offer any magic which will suddenly make everything better, but one thing I have learned is that Life Happens.

    I was once a single father with 3 girls, it was at the same time the hardest, most demanding, and yet ultimately most satisfying time of my life so far, to cope with that and a medical condition is never going to be easy, but I can promise you that it will shape you and every experience good or bad will shape our future and if we grasp it, will shape it positively.

    Being diagnosed with AF positive?, well this is the way I think about it, firstly it's better than not being diagnosed, at least I know about it and what is causing those challenges and those issues, and secondly, now I know then I'M in control. And then look at all the wonderfully supportive and friendly people I have met through this condition. Where else could you find a community like this over over 1500 people who genuinely want to help each other and support each other?

    Took me a long time to go through the blues and the feeling sorry for myself after the diagnosis to come out the other side, and the single biggest factor in it all was this community (and it's predecessors) and all the people on here.

    Some people have it much tougher than me, some people don't. But we are all where we are, and that has to be our starting position. You are young, you have a great family, this is another stage of your life which is a few years you will look back on and say "that was tough" but here I am, and boy did I move on.

    We are here to support you through that journey, no matter what, good times bad times, sharing them makes the joy more joyful and the sadness easier to cope with.

    I'm feeling confident about your journey already, you're strong, you're powerful. You will make the right decisions and then move through this phase. And I am looking forward to hearing all about it, and/or being there when you need a word of comfort or support.

    You go girl, you got this.....



  • Hi Millie - I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling down after all that you've been through this last year. I split from my husband when I was 42 and well know that feeling of extreme sadness and the lonely feeling it brings, but please trust me life for you will get better.

    Do you think that perhaps it was the stress of your marriage breaking down that brought on your AF? Another question is, do you enjoy your job or do you have the feeling that it's all too much for you right now with all that's happening? Your looking after your health is far more important than your job. You may think that is easy for me to say, but I took the plunge after a spell in hospital and gave up mine. I just couldn't face going back to the stress of it. I guess I was lucky as I was already receiving two pensions and I'd repaid my mortgage, but after having received a good wage I had an awful fear of being extremely poor. What I've discovered is being poor is nowhere near as bad as you would think and I love my life now.

    I also watched my daughter go through a painful split with her husband, she was left to bring up two children on her own but has now met someone else and is doing amazingly well.

    I can't wave a magic wand and make all your problems go away immediately (wish I could), but in a year or so you will look back on this stressful period of your life and see how you have progressed. Happiness is up ahead for you I just know it.

    Please allow us fellow AF sufferers to offer support and feel free to fire away with any questions you may have.

    Great big hug.


  • Hi Millie. So sorry you are feeling so down but glad you are sharing with us the way things seem..

    Waking up in the morning and fearing that things may be worse by the end of the day or the end of the week or in six months time is not at all nice. If you think about the waves on the shore, you can watch them come and go and then a big wave comes rolling in, obliterating all the marks left by other waves, and then it is spent and leaves no more than a high water mark and other waves are coming in. They may be smaller and the mark left by the big one may still be there but the wave itself is gone. Some time another bigger wave will come and this is how our problems go. They can be big but they do not last. It is an ever changing pattern.

    It sounds as if your cardiologist and EP agree you have a very low risk or they would suggest warfarin. I am hoping that your ablation for SVT will work wonders and you will turn the corner, be better and start to feel buoyant.

    All the best

  • PS I forgot to say that it's a courageous step to take to have a home for yourself and your girls and it might make you worry, but do feel proud as well.

  • I can only agree with everyone, this must be truly tough for you and you have all my sympathy. We are all here - and I too am sending you big hugs! At times like this, all you can do is keep taking one step and then another, and hopefully the dark clouds will lift as you go on. Don't be afraid to ask for help and advice wherever and whenever you need it.

    I'm sure your girls are a great comfort. Try not to worry too much about your job and the AF, hopefully the ablation will make things a lot easier for you - and you can always come to the forum and talk to the lovely people here. That has helped me enormously.


  • Hi Millie,

    Great replies from everyone.

    You can do this - just take one day at a time and, when you need it, seek help from the people you know and trust. Take joy every day from your girls they are a constant supply of hugs, and Ian is so big his will last a couple of days!!

    Hope your ablation happens quickly.

    Love and best wishes

  • Hi Millie,

    I agree with all the replies you have received and I add my support and hugs to you too.


  • Hi Millie, hang in there it will get better.

    Take any help that is offered from those closest to you.

    I was diagnosed with persistent AF in March 2010 and my husband left in the September. I think the stress he was putting me under was making things worse, in the end I knew him leaving was for the best. Time is a healer and though its hard to see through everything your having to deal with right now, before you know it you will have moved on to better times.

    You sound like a strong lady, having 3 girls must keep you on the go and give you so much pleasure.

    I firmly believe everything happens for a reason. Stay strong, keep posting and remember we all need support at some time or other and that's why this forum is here. ((hugs))

  • Hi Millie, it seems like you have already started to take control and well done to you, things can only get better can't they after all you have been through. There is a lot of support from the lovely people here so make sure you use it, as they say a problem shared.......... All the best to you and your family.


  • Such wonderful advice on here. I can't say anything that has not already been said except that we will all be willing you on. X

  • Just want to add my good wishes and virtual support. It does help to be able to "talk". to people in a similar situation even if you only know them in the cyber world. Hope you soon get date for ablation. Sounds trite but things have a way of working out. Lots of lovely replies.

    Much love Wendy B

  • I too send hugs and very good luck for the future ( everything else has been said from this lovely community ) xxx

  • Hi Millie. I think you must be a star to be coping with all that.

    I too have PAF and when finally diagnosed last year was put on Rivaroxabanstraight away.

    This is an alternative to warfarin. Can't understand your doctor. Request another opinion.

    Good luck.

  • Hi, So sorry to hear you are feeling so down. When I experienced sad or worrying times my dad always used to say "this too will pass" and although at the time it sounded a little trite, in retrospect he was right, and I often say it to myself now when things seem tough. As it has been said by others, true friends will be there for you and as a recent member of this forum the support from everyone here is so brilliant. You are taking positive action and have the love of your three daughters. Do look after yourself things do have a way of working out. Best wishes,Cat.

  • What lovely replies you have had from all and sundry ! We all go through good and bad phases in our lives - believe me, I am 88 !! Have been full time caring for my bedridden wife for the last 14 years and for the final year of my son's life (he was 54) I also cared full time for him. It seemed such a stressful period but I got through it, not with my family who live 4000m away but with the help of local friends - you have no idea how much support such lovely people can provide. I have been blessed as I hope that you will be. God Bless you.

  • Just wanted to say thank you to you all for your kind words of support. Have given myself a good kick and need to be more positive about the good things in my life like my family and friends and not let this condition take over my life. I'm taking one day at a time and will cope with everything thrown at me. Have been having shortness of breath for the last few days but have been keeping myself busy and doing stuff with my girls. I've got a cold so I'm hoping that's what's contributing to it. Thanks everyone xxx

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