Roller coaster

[Oct18]

Others may have posted something similar, but for all of us with advanced prostate cancer it is such a mental roller coaster and it is exhausting. First I’ll I’m very thankful for the treatments that are out there and for all of the people/ warriors that have gone before us and done clinical trials etc to make these options available. That being said every time we have a good response to a treatment we will inevitably have that conversation with our doctors that the cancer is progressing. To me it’s like being told you have cancer all over again, over and over and over. From hormone shots Zytiga to Xtandi, to radiation, provenge two clinical trials, docetaxell, and now Pluvicto that I don’t believe is doing what it needs to do. I’ll prepare myself for the next chemo. I won’t deny that my body has definitely felt the effects, but the biggest battle is and always will be in my mind. I was 46 when I was diagnosed a single father with twin 10-year-old olds and a 15-year-old. I am thankful for every day and I know none of us are promised tomorrow. At some point you wonder how many more standing eight counts you can keep fighting through. I just wanted to post this for those who feel the same struggles.

[j-o-h-n]

If I did the calculation of your age you should be 53 now and the twins should be 17 and your older child should be 22. You've had your hands (and mind) full for a long time. As far as standing eight counts are concerned you have weathered the bout like a champion. Keep up the match and never throw in the towel. The following may sound like bullshit but it has kept me going since the beast got in the ring with me.

I love humor but I also am sensitive to all of us who are fighting the fucking monster. I tear up when I think of all of the very young men who died on the beaches during the Normandy invasion in WWII. They didn't have a chance to live full lives the way I have. So even when I bitch about the Wizard of Pca I still am better off than those poor "kids" who left their future in the sand. So I sometimes call myself a piss ant for complaining and then turn to my humor to forget the bad and remember the good.

I know I'm rambling on.... but when I was diagnosed with the big Pca my son was 11 years old. That was 23 years ago. I made it, and with all the new meds and procedures you'll make it for at least another 33 years for a total of 40 years. So start saving up for your retirement at age 86 years old. Note; those 33 years are gonna whiz right by you, so enjoy them.

Keep Plugging away and may your children be loving and smart.... God Bless you and your children (and George Foreman).

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n

[Pinkyboy in reply to j-o-h-n]

What a encouraging and thoughtful post John… many thanks! 😇

[Orange95 in reply to j-o-h-n]

Thank you!

[Oct18 in reply to j-o-h-n]

Thank you so much John! You're calculations are correct, my daughter will be 22 soon and is graduating from college in May and her brothers will be 17 this summer. I don't plan on throwing in the towel, I was just venting a bit. This forum can be therapeutic and I am thankful for that. I know I am very blessed. We have been delt a tough hand...but compared to many including the young men you referenced from D-day as well as many other tragic events, we still have so much to be thankful for. I appreciate your optimism of my future.

God bless you as well.

[Philosophy165]

Wonderful post. Thank you. I worked with a man who was torn up by D-Day, inside and out until he died of cirrhosis. You are so right John. I’ll never never forget him. He lost so many friends.

[Mgtd in reply to Philosophy165]

John although not on the scale of D day, the loss and physical and emotional impact of losing buddies in any of our modern combat operations is devastating to their families, loved ones and comrades in arms.

I have always wished that those who send people to die in war should be forced to experience combat first hand. That includes our current president. Nobody comes out of combat the same as they entered it.

Just look at the suffering experienced by non combatants in Gaza, Syria and Africa to name a few. Could you imagine trying to rebuild your life under those conditions? IMO cancer pales by comparison.

[bandit119]

Yes a roller coaster. I have days where I sit on the couch when the family is away and become overwhelmed with my thoughts. Mostly I worry about my family and think about how they’ll get along without me. As time passes I get stronger and realize I have many years left. You will too. The human mind has a fantastic capacity to assimilate life challenges both short and long term good or bad. In a way I’ve trained my mind to recognize when I start down a bad road and force myself to think about something else. I don’t give in. The physical aspects are secondary to the mental health aspects for me. I don’t generally post here, but your comments stuck a cord with me. Know that you are not alone. I find solace in reading the comments from this group.

[Oct18 in reply to bandit119]

I am on HealthUnlocked for 2 different forums. Advanced Prostate Cancer for myself and Anxiety and Depression for one of my kids. After getting him on the right medication and getting a proper diagnosis, he is doing much better but every morning I get the feed of questions for both APC and Anxiety/depression and the hopelessness that is prevalent on the anxiety forum is overwhelming compared to the APC forum. Which just shows the biggest battle is always in our minds.

[Jp2sea]

So true. I often call it the roller coaster, and I do my best to enjoy the climbs up and plummets down. I'm a little behind you on the ride. I was diagnosed at 42, and this is my 10th year of the roller coaster. I have freshman and senior girls and hope to see them married some day. At times, the realization of my mortality can be heavy, but I try to think how lucky I am to be living life fully now while many others seem to be waiting for retirement. I don't look forward to the end of the ride, but I'm going to enjoy it as best I can. Put your arms in the air, feel the breeze and scream with joy.

[NIKKIWOOD]

Years ago (before my own PCA diagnosis), my wife got breast cancer. We went to a series of group therapy sessions, and almost as an aside, someone mentioned Viktor Frankl's book: MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING. At first I thought it was some kind of religious tract, like a thousand other books which were meant to advocate for some kind of dreamy spirituality in a time of crisis.

I was wrong. Dead wrong. Frankl was Viennese psychiatrist and a Jew, who ended up surviving 4 different concentration camps during WWII, including Auschwitz. He wrote the book cited above, which has very little to do with concentration camps, and instead, gives the reader some sense of what you can do to survive the common difficulties and challenges of life.

That was 30 years ago, and since then I have given the book to every friend, relative or acquaintance who was going through a difficult time.

amazon.com/s?k=man%27s+sear...

[Yzinger]

My brother - I feel you man. Thats all I'll say.