dad has advanced prostate cancer

[Ckck333]

my dad has had prostate cancer for a long time. He’s beeen on Lupron and xtandi and some other meds that gave him confusion. At this point he’s 83, it’s in a few ribs, hip (he had hip replacement a few years ago), clavicle, base of skull, spinal areas, spots on lung and liver. I think i covered it all. I feel like he’s at the end stages bc he’s not eating, he calls for help often even when he needs nothing. He is home bound and uses a wheelchair. He recently broke his collar bone in two places while in bed so we aren’t sure how that happened. My mom has him on alleve and pain patches and today had more radiation. She even spoke about surgery for his collar bone but I think that’s crazy! To put him through that and the bones are so brittle. I tell her he needs stronger meds for pain. I tell her maybe hospice but she doesn’t want to lose him going to his doctors and radiation. She doesn’t tell me what the doctors say so it’s very hard for me to gauge and I end up guessing he’s toward the end. He looks so frail and lost so much weight. He used to love to eat and now he hardly eats. He doesn’t have dementia but he’s confused often. I don’t really know what to do or suggest to my mom. I don’t want him in pain.

[Popepaul]

Sorry to hear about your father. He certainly appears to be very frail. It sounds as though there is a decision to be made between active treatment and palliative care. I am sure that it will be a very difficult time for both your mother and yourself. The acute confusional states you refer to may be symptomatic of dilerium, a condition that is not uncommon in these circumstances.Best wishes

[Ckck333 in reply to Popepaul]

thank you so much for your reply. I just got his psa. 144.4. So it’s up. I asked her to find out the calcium level in his blood. I just feel so in the dark. If this is his time then I want to make it a comfortable and peaceful transition. But my mom seems in denial or just doesn’t want to stop fighting. Idk if she isn’t telling me things or if the dr has maybe totally checked out. Not sure

[Tall_Allen]

Find out if there is a "Palliative Care" facility nearby.

[GAdrummer]

Re: the broken collar bone

He may have been trying to change position in the bed and pulled one arm across the other too far grabbing the bed.

My dad got a bad bedsore on his bottom near the end when he couldn't/wouldn't turn over to ease the pressure. My mom wore herself out tending him at home with only occasional visits by hospice. I couldn't help because I lived five states away.

It is hard to admit that the situation is beyond one's ability to manage. Your support of your mother is so important now. Do research for her the local palliative care options. She is not ready to do it herself. The doctor can make the decision based on your father's condition and his wishes.

I know I was very reluctant to give the hospital a copy of my husband's DNR, only doing it after his third trip to the ICU for septic shock. I hated seeing that red sign on the door. I was so afraid of loosing him, of having to open my home to strangers that would see that I had neglected the yard and house in my effort to care for him by myself. My daughter hates her father and would not lift a finger to help. He is recovered and doing well currently. Last fall, my daughter moved back home after living on her own for eight years, and she still won't lift a finger, thereby increasing my work load by 50%.

[Tom545]

6 years ago my spa was 348, it went undetected for a long time. Fortunately I have a wonderful Dr. xgiva for bone density, xtandy for chemo and Lupron to kill testosterone. Psa is undetectable just tired and weak. Sorry your dads has progressed so for. It sounds like it’s time for hospice to make it easier for everyone

[Rwchicago]

I would say at this point is to support him, by being there, talking to him. You are going to feel helpless, the worst feeling of all. Just try to be positive, which really going to be very hard! Stay mentally strong, thru all this. Remember he is going thru things, worse! You will too, just be prepare! I fell you, in every word you are asking. Just stay strong, which is easier said, than done! God bless you!!!!

[j-o-h-n]

Love!!!

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n