Metastatic Prostate Cancer prognosis

[Ck1919]

Hi. My father has metastatic prostate cancer. He doesn’t talk about it but from what I know, the spread is at the rib, hip and liver. My mom says “small lesions.” He has been on Lupron and Xtandi previously to prevent spread. Hes still on Lupron but the Xtandi was stopped bc he is a severe alcoholic and the docto didn’t want him on it as it would have toxic effects. But now that it has metastasized, he is back on Xtandi but just once a day. The dr would like to put him on another drug, a better one (I don’t know what it’s called) but won’t as long as he’s drinking still. Can anyone clue me in on his prognosis if it has spread but it’s “small lesions”?? It’s so confusing to me and I don’t like surprises and I’m scared and he doesn’t tell anyone anything. Thank you for your advice and help

[Hidden]

I have alcoholism in my family also. It’s a brutal disease as you must already know. If he can’t stop,drinking I don’t think anything will work as intended. The first questions asked by drs is do you drink and do you smoke.. Hopefully he doesn’t smoke. It takes a bolt of lightening or an act of god to change a a true alcoholic.. especially if he’s lived the lifestyle for decades. It hurts trying to help someone that can not accept change.. Been there done that.. I used to go see my severly drunk friend Randy early in the morn before he became Beligerant to me. One of the kindest smartest most likable people that I’ve known and the most loyal friend that I’ve had. totally destroyed by Alcohol . I had some bouts with alcohol my self. I quit that , no more for me.. An occasional celebratory toast that I won’t finish. Sorry to preach . This is your dad. He is what he is . love him and be with him . That s all that matters..... Take care.. Ck1919. Best wishes to your father...

[Ck1919 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind response. I’m sorry to hear about your friend Randy. Alcoholism sucks. I hate being in the dark and not being able to help him stop and to see how he has put this cancer worse on himself when it didn’t have to be. It makes me so angry that so many people fight for their lives and he is like whatever abut it. I’m trying to read as much as I can bc I don’t understand what it means when my mom says it’s spread to hip, ribs and liver but all just small so it’s ok. How can any spread be ok? What does this mean? And of course no one explains anything and I hate surprises and it’s just hard being in the dark. Sorry to rant on again.

[Hidden in reply to Ck1919]

I was a teenage alcoholic. I ve lived a charmed life, jokingly. Then I got into martial arts and didn’t drink or eat junk food for five years, Not a drink. As and adult I was a social binge drinker for special events , or any occasion like holidays , super bowl , birthdays. But in between no drinking. One year when I was about 25 I started drinking way to much . I had to have a drink when I awoke just to,feel halfway ok. I went to a bar (Drinking jack daniels) got in a fight in a bar ( 1st and only time in my life.) I had a beautiful Harley Davidson and attemted to drive home wasted.. I got lost in the desert,I was hitting dry washes that drop you down about 3ft. With that super heavy fat boy I was almost losing it each time. I pulled over in the dirt and passsed out.. woke up flies on my face, a cow looking at me .. Dusted myself off, drove home and slept it off. I quit drinking that day for about 5 yrs. And never reached “ that” low again . It is true once an alky always an alky.😎😎😎😎.. After that I’d drink too much on occasions but also years I wouldn’t drink at all. My problem was I’d drink to party with friends and blow off steam . I drank to get loaded . Or I didn’t drink at all . A binge drinker.. I quit drinking completely , I had kidney failure and tubed out of my back for a year and a half. I drank a glass of scotch for New Year’s Eve and almost died , puking up bile until the next morning. So I’m off alcohol. I can drink 1/2 beer or a glass of wine with drinker . But besides that I’m happy that I conquered the scourge of alcoholism . I can’t handle it .... Don’t miss it... sorry about dad and peopl can only change themselves. Mom says it’s small, I’m with ya, it’s metistatic, not good at all. No way to sugar coat it.. He will,suffer from treatments as we all do. pray that he can tolerate them and with some recovery time find time to shre with all of you.. What I am saying is that it’s all about his an my daily happiness. Not easily attainable with APC . At least thats where my battle is in all of this.. with self and emotions both of which are transfers to those closet to the patient.. Family fun. This is the reality of love . Watching loved one , children , parents or even pets suffer. We feel helpless. You are not helpless. Be his advocate .. Give him you love. That will soothe his soul. . Peace to you good daughter...😎

[Daddyishealing]

Hi. You can read my bio dealing with my dad's APC. However, I want you to feel my support as well and let you know that I'm a member of online Al-Anon as I have experience with a former alcoholic mother. Your dad's prognosis, only the universe knows. To protect his liver look to nutrition and milk thistle. Most men die with pc not of it and you haven't exactly told me where he is at rt now Gleason score ,last scans etc. Being an alcoholic can shorten anyone's life with or without the cancer. This is so hard for you as you must deal with his inability to stop drinking to save his own life. All you can do is accept his choices . You didn't mention if on exgeva . Since it's in the bones perhaps he still can try that. Lifespan ...no one could tell you. But if you check his liver enzymes and know if any liver disease presence that might help you. I'm so sorry for your position.try not to forecast his death. It drove me nuts with my dad, and I don't want to see you hurt yourself more. The oncologist will be direct with you if you ask what the prognosis is if he does no further treatment , but remember only the universe knows or the good you believe in. I'm here if you need support xo

Erica

[Hidden in reply to Daddyishealing]

Beautiful words Erica, many of us have dealt with addictions , either family or self. They are no joke. Peace...

[Ck1919 in reply to Daddyishealing]

Thank you for your sharing and your support. He won’t let us speak w the doctors. My mom just happened to be allowed the one time. That’s why we know he has lesions on his liver that it spread to and it showed spread to the rib and hip. He’s on Xtandi once a day. The doctor doesn’t want to do more bc of his drinking and he prefer him be on a different drug now but w alcohol it would be too toxic so he won’t put him on it. Not sure was his psa is this time but the time before it was 11.6 I think. The scans showed the spread and he classified it as metastatic prostate cancer now. That’s all I was told. I wish I could help w diet but he hardly eats when he drinks. And will eat cookies and ice cream as a binge when he is hungry. My mom constantly cooks for him and he won’t eat it or says he will and then passes out or when it’s done says no. It’s so frustrating.

[Hidden in reply to Ck1919]

I feel your pain. I am sorry.

[Hidden]

It’s a nightmarish scenario for mom and you.. I’m sorry.. most alcoholics hold incredible pain of some sort inside. For My friend Randy it was when his mother died. He went into a deep drinking depression and is still there today . He was so close to his mom. Hes bought a marble headstone and bench . They’re there in the cemetery waiting for his departure. He jokingly says that they warm up the John Deere back hoe everyday.. just in case.. stiil drinking. Ill health kidney impairment in terrible shape if even still alive., there is no changing someone else. Peace to you all...

[Tjc1]

Hi, sorry to hear about your dads situation. I take Xtandi and its once a day. I couldnt handle all 4 pills because of the side effects. Thats how you take the drug is once per day. Either all 4 tabs or less. I used to like beer but i cant drink much on that stuff, maybe one a week on special occasions. The other drug Zytiga is hard on the liver so im not sure that would be a good idea but im no doctor. Ill pray that your fad can stop drinking for this battle he in. Dont forget to take care of yourself through all this please. Im praying for you too.

Thomas

[Ck1919 in reply to Tjc1]

I’m sorry that you have to battle this disease. I will keep you in my prayers. The medications seem to be very good now thankfully. My dad only takes one pill once a day. He couldn’t handle more and the doctor didn’t want him on it at all w drinking but bc of the spread he’s doing one pill a day but he isn’t constistent as he should be. Since he has some lesions on his liver I’m guessing he can’t take that other drug. Especially when drinking too and the liver having to filter all the toxins. Idk how he drinks on the xtandi at all. It must make him not feel well which is why some days he goes out wo taking any meds.

[gusgold]

Cookies, ice cream, and alcohol.....we would need to know your dad's original numbers and what they are now...maybe he is on to something

[Ck1919 in reply to gusgold]

Not sure what his numbers were when first diagnosed but I know the tumor was a tiny bit outside the prostate which is why they didn’t operate and did Lupron. W the Lupron, his PSA was perfect. For a long time too even w drinking so much. I’m not sure what this PsA is this month but the last time like a few months ago it was 11.6 I believe. I will double check w my mom. And shows spread to his liver, rib and hip

[Hidden in reply to gusgold]

A pure sugar diet and drink..

[Ck1919]

I completely agree with you. The liver filters the toxins and he’s bombarding it as well as having lesions on his liver now. Also his ribs and hip show spread. I suggest all the time and he just won’t listen. He thinks he doesn’t have a drinking problem! It’s denial at an extreme. That and maybe a God complex I don’t know. His doctor says all the time that it’s the drinking that will kill him not the cancer. He won’t go to AA or take any other alternatives. It’s like a ticking time bomb

[Cammie2016]

Hey, so sorry to hear about your dad, my mum too was a chronic alcoholic and addicted to prescriptions drugs. It’s actually 4 years today since she died. Soon as I saw your post I felt I had to reach out to you. I know it’s really hard and it’s really frustrating, the rows I had with my mum over it were awful and I think about them often. Now I understand a bit more, although I will never fully. Try not to focus on how long, because none of us truly know. My mums liver failed and they gave her 5 % chance of surviving, the Doctor was sure she would die that night and she went on to have another 22 years! It’s the same with any illness. Focus on today. You and your family are in my prayers. Feel free to message me anytime.

Camilla

[Hidden in reply to Cammie2016]

To Cammie2016, 22 years, that’s increadible

[larry_dammit]

Sorry to hear about Dad. Funny how drugs are. I take 4 Xtandi pills a day ,the major change was that I used to like to drink but really don’t like the taste anymore. Funny if the cancer has spread to Mets why they don’t do chemo. Just a thought. Don’t give up

[jmurgia]

Very good advice Nal.

Joe

[Stegosaurus37]

Very sorry to hear about your Dad. As far as chemo goes, it hits the liver and kidneys very hard - it is poison, after all. So alcohol on top of that is a no-no - too much strain on those organs. The same with some other treatment options; any time you're introducing toxins into the system, those organs will take a big hit. You have a difficult situation anyway - the cancer is just making it worse.

I wish I had a solution for you, but maybe the Good Lord can help.

[j-o-h-n]

What is your Dad's age and where are you located?

Sorry to hear about your dilemma. It really irks me when I hear of someone who is as stubborn as your Father about his health. Forgive me for saying this but I'd like to wrap him in duct tape (especially his mouth) and use a hand truck to periodically get him to his oncologist.

Remember to take care of your Mom and Yourself.

Good Luck and Good Health.

j-o-h-n Tuesday 04/17/2018 12:32 PM EDT

[Emmett50]

I’m so sorry to hear about your family’s struggles. My spouse is an AA member with 44 years of sobriety. I am very familiar with AA and if a family member calls for help, they will be gently told that the alcoholic must want to be sober and do the reaching out for help. AA doesn’t do interventions. Interventions are done by licensed clinicians like social workers or psychologists.

On the other hand, there is Al-Anon for people who have been affected by someone’s alcoholism. I’m a long term member of that self help group. The main thing I’ve learned in that program is all that I can control is myself and my attitudes. Even after all this time, I’m finding it difficult to accept how my sober alcoholic spouse is handling PCa. It’s hard to imagine how difficult this must be for you and your Mom. If you are at all interested in how Al-Anon might help you, please message me. I would be happy to talk about Al-Anon or just lend an ear. Ultimately, you will learn to accept that your Dad is who he is and you can do nothing to get him sober or healthy. What you can do is tell him you love him and hope he’ll be around for a very long time.

My best wishes to you and your Mom. I hope that your Dad’s journey isn’t too difficult but please remember, it is his path to walk. No matter how difficult his choices may be for you, you can allow him the dignity of making decisions for himself. He doesn’t want to be an alcoholic any more that any man wants to have prostate cancer.

[Emmett50]

Hi, Nalakrats. Your posts are so appreciated by me. However, AA members do not do interventions. If her Dad were to call, then AA would respond. It is usually recommended that 2 members do the “12 Step call” together with men visiting a man and women calling on a woman. This is not an intervention but “carrying the message to those who still suffer.” Interventions can be very helpful but they are conducted under the guidance of a trained professional, often a clinical social worker or psychologist. The professional works with family members and friends who then conduct the intervention. The goal is to get the alcoholic or addict to commit to a treatment program.

I have decades of experience around AA with a spouse who has 44 years of sobriety. He also is a licensed clinician who has worked in the treatment field for many years. He was also recently diagnosed with Stage 4 PCa which has brought me to this board. I am grateful fo all I have learned here from men like yourself and family members. I have also responded to ck1919 as a long term member of Al-Anon, a 12 step program for those affected by a loved one’s alcoholism.

[Hidden]

Great advice Nalakrats !