Well, group, sad news from our house. Pete has passed on. He seemed to be doing quite well with ADT treatment Lupron/ea 3 months, plus bone shot, and Abiraderone 250 mg daily for 2 1/2 yrs. Had all the terrible side effects you all experience. On no medication other than that. No other illnesses. We ate very healthy and he had such a great attitude and did not complain, ever.
Then left us.
He was never in pain since he started ADT. He became extremely weak, fatigued and only wanted to sleep…23 out of 24 hrs. When he was awake, tho, he had such beautiful humor. While all our hearts were breaking, he made sure he said something so hilarious, and we found ourselves laughing more than crying. He did not want gloom and doom as he was getting weaker and knowing he was crossing to the other side. He was that way right to the end…such a gift. He was not afraid.
After 13 days of no desire for food or water, he gently passed.
I was not prepared for such a sudden departure…even his MO was surprised.
One thing of the many, I wanted to share. After 53 years of marriage, I knew Pete well. He was a man of few words…I noticed he was in deep thought with a furrow in his forehead. I asked what he was thinking…he said…”I thought it was going to be different” I asked in what way. He said “I thought dying was going to hurt and it doesn’t….. I just want to sleep”
This site helped me…wife, researcher, caregiver…I became so much stronger and able to stay focused because of all your stories, humor, fears, advice, scientific info. I was a better supportive wife/friend/ caregiver. I need to thank all of you for posting.
I want you all to not leave anything unsaid..Pete and I knew each more deeply through this cancer journey and THAT brings me comfort during this sad, broken hearted time.
I’m so sorry to hear of Pete passing. The passing of another group brother and valiant fighter is so sad. From your description , I can see that Pete was a caring and loving type of guy , clearly he cared for you very much.
Also, I want to thank “ you “ , Karen, for taking time , in your period of heavy grief , to describe the details of his passing , ….it’s very kind and caring of you as well … helping the rest of the community. Especially those of us that are pretty much paddling in the same canoe behind him, ….describing him as passing quietly with no pain …. him loving enough to try to be cheerful when he was able. It speaks a lot to his high character and love for you, plus it sets an example that we all can hope to emulate as we follow behind.
Well said as often many people here do .. here I am crying at 3 am and you summed up a lot of what I’d want to say . This disease just sucks.. I guess we eventually all leave ..in the big picture what’s a 5 - 20 year difference .. it is the people you leave behind and love now .. seeing some fall leaves and deer in Japan soon so do people post pics here ? Take care all especially you Karen .
Yes, please post your fall pictures add “ QOL “ to the header and let us know all about it, so we can live vicariously through your fun QOL experiences yayay yayayayay Many guys here would love that, .
I agree , strongly, with you …this disease really does suck.Yayahahahaya yayay.
Sad news, but thank you so much for taking the time to post this. It really helps us all - patients and caregivers to hear of such a calm ending to what sounds like a great life together.
I’m so sorry for your loss and crying as I type .. ..on ADT in a different country and feel the same will eventually happen to me ..I wish you the best you seem strong !
You probably won’t have to go out in pain …. You should be able to enter a hospice that will keep you comfortable ( if not stoned ) …but Pete’s experience is what I think any of us would want, if push comes to shove. Her post shows it’s possible .
Thank you for sharing. As a caregiver/spouse I'm grateful to know a passing can be gentle. I worry a lot about my loved one being in pain. Hope your pain eases into wonderful memories soon. What a grand, long marriage.
My sincere condolences to you. What a terrific husband he was. What a blessed marriage you shared. He gave you a most generous & loving gift at the very end, telling you he did not have pain but just wanted to sleep. Bless you.
Condolences to all affected by his passing. I can only wish you all to be thankful for his being, and gentle care as you continue your lives with his memories as a light, rather than any darkness.
Karen, thank you for posting such a well written message to us. I appreciate that you included your thoughts as well as the specifics. Pete's passing is sad, but it's fortunate that it was without great pain and distress.
My sincerest condolences! Don’t know if I’ll find the right words to thank you for your „letter“ to us. Your experiences and your emotions during this journey let you walk this way together, as far as possible, and getting even closer as a couple. Now, for another moment, you are apart, but anytime in future you will be re-united, as all of us will be.
thank you for sharing. As hard as we all fight, I suspect that in the end, we want to be like Pete. Having someone knowing us well is a life well lived. Take care.
Karen, I'm so very sorry. I can't say anything to heal your pain, Pete sounds like a lovely guy.
Now you have your memories, they are yours, no body can take them away, they're not ring fenced, no password is needed to access them, enjoy the good ones as much as you can.
Dear Karen, my hearts truly breaks for you , you are an amazing supportive wife and going through our cancer journey we couldnt ask for more. I supported my darling husband through pancreatic cancer and luckily he's still with me. We've been married 54 years so l know the bound you both had. My darling boy supports me through my ovarion cancer lm 6 years into the battle. God bless you lm sending love & hugs SheilaFxxx
As a newer member, I'm sorry I never had a chance to talk to you sooner. One solace in this sad time must be the 53 wonderful years you have had together.
I'm so sorry, Karen. I'm glad his journey was pain free and peaceful. Thank you for sharing that...it gives all of us comfort. Wishing you strength and peace.
I am deeply sorry for your loss. Clearly he was a wonderful man, and his physical presence will be greatly missed. I pray that the beautiful memories and love you shared will help you during this time.
Beautifully written, Karen. My condolences to you and your family. Sounds like you had a long and good marriage. That's a precious gift that cancer has no power over. My prayers for you...and Pete.
Thanks so much for sharing a story that must give hope to many people. I have saved it because I had not realized it was possible to avoid pain, or the role that ADT could play in that.
Karen, I’m so sorry to hear that the journey with your husband has ended. Thank you for sharing this beautiful ending with us. I pray for your strength and comfort in the days ahead.
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for somehow managing to pass along to those of us still struggling that the approach and the end are not always excruciatingly painful. It's the pain that most really dread. May angels watch over and protect you and yours.
So sorry for the loss of your Pete, but so happy to hear that he was able to pass gently and without pain. Such a blessing. It sounds like he was a wonderful man and you were so fortunate to have 50 years together.
My deepest condolences, Soapchick. It can be so hard to process changes when they happen suddenly for the worse; the abruptness makes it hard to adjust. Please know that by being there for Pete all the way, you gave him the greatest possible gift. Thank you for sharing his beautiful words about the lack of pain - there is such comfort in them. Sending you love and HUGS s you navigate your new world 💗💗💗
I am so sorry to hear of your husband Pete passing. You sound like you really took on so much, and I know that it helped. My husband and mom tell me all of the time how much I gave to my dad...
Pete's passing is exactly like my father's was on August 17th of this year.
Was great and talking about traveling to Africa and other places next year. Then took a turn for the worse, was "ready to go" and got weaker and slept a lot - telling us to not stand over his bed, and to live our lives with adventure.
He lived a full life for sure.
He passed after not eating ( and not in pain) for 6 days, peacefully in his sleep with my mom, me and my brother there.
I pray your memories are sweet, and I think your husband gave you a "gift" as my dad gave us.
Thank you for sharing such a wonderful description of Pete and the joy and happiness your relationship provided you. Condolences to you and your family.
Thank you so much for taking time at such a difficult time to help others. You are a remarkable woman, no wonder you had such a great relationship. I like many in this group are rather freaked out about what our death will be like. Will it be painful, physically or emotionally? Everyone thinks these thoughts now and then but most in this group probably do so more because of the cancer. You have helped me and many others relax a bit. Thank you again.
Usually I write a few paragraphs when someone "leaves" us. Today won't be different except you post made me think down a different avenue. Your post --all I can do is express my deepest sympathy to you, your family and those close to you and your husband. I think everyone on the site learned something from you. I did. The fast and unexpected death without pain? A blessing I suppose but certainly one of life's greatest blessings is having shared our lives with those we love. The pain of separation that death brings--that can be palpable. One never gets over the loss of a loved one. We learn to live with the loss. Time--takes the edge off--most of the time.
Be strong when you need to be and grieve when you have to. Family friends and clergy can be helpful. At times being alone to reflect is needed.
So sorry. My hubby has had this cancer for 23 years. Most recently, he is Stage 4. But on Lupron almost two years. They cannot find where it has spread - cells are too small to detect. The Lupron did reduce his PSA score to under 1.0. It had really jumped about 2 years ago.
He will be on Lupron for at least a few more months.
How could it jump to around 35 but the cancer not be detectable?
His prostate was removed right away - about 22 years ago.
Karen - your eulogy for Pete is simply heartwarming and wonderful. He was a special person who had a special person in his life. Thank you for sharing Pete with us.
Thanks for sharing Karen. My condolences to you. Mine has recently reached my bones so I'm hoping I can drift away peacefully like my namesake when the time comes. Take care, Pete.
Sorry for your loss. You were his strength. Stay strong and thank you for sharing. ❤️❤️
What a sad yet lovely post. Thank you for sharing about your wonderful husband’s passing. I understand completely what you said about becoming even closer while fighting cancer together; who would’ve thought it was possible to become even closer after so many years. I feel the same way and have told my husband that it’s my honor and privilege to take care of him and will be with him to the very end.
Now it’s your turn, please allow your loved ones to care for you while you’re fresh in your grief. Keep your memories close to help you heal. Sending a virtual hug 💞
I wonder if Peter is singing this song along with angels, and I bet he's surprised if they know the lyrics....My sincere condolences to you, the family and friends..... Peter does not need them he's having a great time singing and trying out his wings....... I always say that after death, that's when the real fun begins.....
Karen, I am so sorry fdr your loss. Your husband sounded like a wonderful man and your relationship is an inspiration. We all fight the battle together, and I am so sad for your loss. May your heart and soul be filled with beautiful memories, and I pray for your comfort in your time of loss.
Dear heart I feel your loss.. Here at this community we all know the joy and pain that comes with this journey. I’m glad you had such a wonderful and long loving life together. Just remember he’s now waiting on you… but take your time.
I am so sorry for your loss… i am sure he was very assured that you were with him to comfort and take care of his needs. He was with his loved ones . May Pete rest in peace in the arms of our LORD..
So very sorry for your loss...53 years together, what a beautiful blessing that makes the loss all the more difficult. May your memories sustain you, it sounds like you had a beautiful partnership.
You and Pete were extremely lucky to have each other, Karen. I hope that the love and support of those around you will fill you with comfort during this sad time.
Hello Soapchick, although you are grieving, please know your eloquent words relayed a meaningful tale. May you find comfort in your loving memories. ❤️
We read these notices all too often but this one seems to bite more than usual. Maybe its that we can feel your love for him shining thru in your message. And the part about leaving nothing unsaid... such great wisdom there.
So sorry for your loss of Pete. May his memory burn bright and sustain you and your family now and in the days ahead.
Figuratively, I am standing in silence beside you honoring Pete's life and your role in it. Thank you for your bravery in handling this most difficult of life's challenges. You seem to be well composed in this post, however, I know that the emotions of grief will overwhelm you from time to time. That is just another way you will honor his memory. My heart goes out to you.
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