QOL - Changes in Attitudes - If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane...

[Carlosbach]

Here are a few things I’ve said lately that I never thought would ever come out of my mouth:

1. No smartass! I don’t shave my legs

2. Could I get some help lifting this bag of cat food?

3. Hello Amazon, my subscription shipment of Depends is late and I need them STAT

4. What size of sports bra do you think I need?

5. Sure doc, I’d love to stick a needle in my penis in order to have sex

6. These hot flashes are killing me

7. Honey, do you want to watch “Pride and Prejudice” with me?

8. Hey weirdo, my eyes are up here

9. My thumb is now bigger than my penis

10. I want that last piece of cake, and damn it, if I have to I’m playing the cancer card.

What unusal thought have you had or what strange things have you heard yourself say?

[Carlosbach]

I thought I liked macabre humor, but damn man! That's a hell of a handle that you chose

[Hidden in reply to Carlosbach]

Speaking of handles. Is yours Wendy or Walter?

And I use all of these statements.

[Carlosbach in reply to Hidden]

sorry Terminal, I didn't follow your "handle" comment, but I'm glad that the post hit home

[Hidden in reply to Carlosbach]

I read Carlosbach as in

Walter Carlos who performed Switched on Bach. Walter went on to become Wendy.

[Carlosbach in reply to Hidden]

Sneaky good. Too sharp for my adt brain

[Adlon57]

What size of incontinence pads do I need?

Had to give up my pornhub website, no action down there!

[Carlosbach in reply to Adlon57]

For me the size of pad depends on how much tea I drink

[Adlon57 in reply to Carlosbach]

My daily exercise is how many times running upstairs to the loo!

Try and see how many dishes I can wash before going to......😱

[Carlosbach in reply to Adlon57]

Funny. And I think you just added to the list.

- honey, did I load the dishwasher right this time?

[Adlon57 in reply to Carlosbach]

Doh! I'm an old fashioned codger never used one of those dishwater things in my life🤭

[Carlosbach in reply to Adlon57]

You might find that one could come in handy. For instance, say you are loading the dishwasher and you need have to pee, the sink is open.,,

Just saying

[mrscruffy]

I got pulled over for speeding again (105) told the wife I was going to pull the cancer card because I still had med bracelet on. Before I could say anything I realized it was a former student. She gave me a big hug and sent me on my way. So haven't pulled the card yet.

[Carlosbach in reply to mrscruffy]

Good story. You gotta love it when things work out like that.

Did you also have to give up your man card to get the cancer card?

[mrscruffy in reply to Carlosbach]

I did not, my female friends call me a neutered pit bull. My bark is much worse than my bite

[Carlosbach in reply to mrscruffy]

I’d work that

Time to roll over and have them rub your belly

[mrscruffy in reply to Carlosbach]

Ya they would probably punch me in my little nuts. Tough crowd

[FourString in reply to mrscruffy]

Nuts?

[Carlosbach in reply to FourString]

That's what I thought as well, but my new self was too sensitive to risk hurting Scruff's feelings

[mrscruffy in reply to Carlosbach]

Well there is something tiny down there. Hahaha

[Carlosbach in reply to mrscruffy]

Yeah, when you first responded about them punching you in the nuts, my first thought was how could they find something so small, and then I went to, "talk about adding injury to insult!"

[Kaliber in reply to Carlosbach]

Lol

[DFL208]

So accurate it hurts!

[Carlosbach in reply to DFL208]

I feel your pain, but only after my meds wear off

[DFL208 in reply to Carlosbach]

I ran out of Depends on vacation in London. Finding Depends in Westminster was quite an adventure. Waitrose saved the day.

[Carlosbach in reply to DFL208]

Sounds like an ordeal.

Thankfully I am not currently using them. I ran out during the pandemic and had to buy a cheap brand. I was chafed for days after wearing just one of them

[Adlon57 in reply to Carlosbach]

Yes the plastic from those things ruff as sandpaper, scratching around that area, not the best "area" to scratch either?🙄

[Carlosbach in reply to Adlon57]

I know, wheres the bamboo wovens? Even softer than Charmin

[Adlon57]

I was talking to my neighbour, suddenly her daughter, I've known her since she was born, gave me a big hug, I said "What was...." suddenly looking at my neighbour who knows about my condition.

[Carlosbach in reply to Adlon57]

That’s very sweet

[tango65]

I liked all of them but the best for me is # 9.

[Carlosbach in reply to tango65]

Good, I’m glad now that I went with thumb, and didn’t go with big toe

[Carlosbach]

I think the Reaper dropped in for dinner once, but I had ducked out to pick up dessert

m.youtube.com/watch?v=YoBTs...(Not working as expected?)

[Hidden]

wow, my bike seat doesn’t hurt anymore.

[Carlosbach in reply to Hidden]

Great, now you don’t have to stand to pedal

And, you get to sit to pee

[Hidden in reply to Carlosbach]

Get to?

Have to!!🥸

I’m the past

My RALP surgeon would always walk into the room and ask.

“ how’s your stream”?

I replied hasn’t been this good since we did distance contests in the 5th grade!!!

[Gearhead]

11. I carried two bags of groceries in, so I'll have to rest for a while now.

12. My belly button is now an innie.

[Carlosbach in reply to Gearhead]

Whew, I got winded just reading #11

13. My penis is now an innie

[Kaliber in reply to Carlosbach]

Omg …… hysterical

[Derf4223]

14. (In a store that says no bathrooms) I need to pee now. Point where I should go. ... Oops.

[Adlon57 in reply to Derf4223]

In the main street, I need to pee, paic...aw forget it!😤🙄🥶

[Carlosbach in reply to Derf4223]

The age old equivocating answer applies here, "It Depends"

[Hidden in reply to Carlosbach]

Do you wear Pampers or Huggies....................Depends

[Kaliber in reply to Hidden]

Lol

[Kaliber]

dang funny - great camaraderie oriented post buddy.

❤️❤️❤️👏👏👏

[Carlosbach in reply to Kaliber]

Thanks K. I remember that in writing class they said write what you know, anymore this is what I know.

For you tough old bastards...

Me in the grocery store, "Has anybody seen my mobility scooter? I can’t remember where I parked it"

The pimply faced bag boy, "Mr, you are sitting on one, is that yours?"

Me, "Hrmph, I knew that!"

[Kaliber in reply to Carlosbach]

ok ok this is creepy …. The hammer and I we’re just talking about supermarkets ( A-N market ). ….. pretty much laughing ( laugh factory delta 8 involved ) about the same thing. Glasses on forehead, I forgot why I drove up here now … call hammer back, I forgot my list, …stuff like that.

Yayahahahaya

[Carlosbach in reply to Kaliber]

I think you've already told me that one...

No, that is ironic, except I think we are all having those moments. I frigg'n have to write down things that I have done for 50 years, like take the garbage out on Tuesday for pickup on Wednesday. And I forgot to do so last week. All without the benefit of delta 8, just adt

[Kaliber in reply to Carlosbach]

Wednesday is our garbage day too . Lol

Yea same here buddy. My memory , near term, gets worse as time passes, standard ADT. No fooling around worse, but serious ‘ oh oh “ kinda loss yayay yay. Considering the damage ADT does, at least memory doesn’t hurt. Yayahahahaya yayahahahaya.

❤️❤️❤️

[Derf4223 in reply to Kaliber]

There may be supps that can help memory along with some other things. Nothing fancy for this lad -- creatine 10 gm morning and evening, HMB 1 gm three times a day.

[Kaliber in reply to Derf4223]

I buy those but forget where I put them or I forget to take them. Yayahahaha yayahahaha

❤️❤️❤️

[Tinuriel in reply to Kaliber]

My husband needed to show his driver's licence at airport security. Couldn't find it. In the end they accepted photos of it saved on his phone and let him through. Just on the other side his realized - it was in a sleeve for it stuck on the back of his phone.

This is nothing new with him, and I called him my absentminded professor long before ADT. It's just worse now.😜

[Carlosbach in reply to Tinuriel]

I can definitely identify. The other day I drove to a nearby town to pick up some supplies. I've learned to always make a list, so I did and was sure I had the list with me when I left. I drove to the store, checked for my list before getting out of the car, and when I couldn't find it I tore the car apart looking for it. I called my wife and asked her to look for the list at home. Nothing. Tried to shop for my supplies, but I was flustered so I gave up and went home.

Later on I discovered that the list was in my other shirt pocket @#$%^&*!!!

[chickgreen]

4 and 8 really resonate with me

[Carlosbach in reply to chickgreen]

No need to ask why, but at least it wasn't #9

[chickgreen in reply to Carlosbach]

If I could see my penis past my stomach, I would be tempted to test #9

[Carlosbach in reply to chickgreen]

I get you. I just estimated. Mine must be a little larger than a thimble because I'm no longer peeing down the front of my balls.

[Kaliber in reply to Carlosbach]

Omg …..” that’s “ both funny and the dang truth too.

😂😂😂

[j-o-h-n]

So who's the wiseass who keeps shifting the bumping furniture around?

Now let's see if I can remember?

A,,B,,C...D,,,E,,,F,,,G,,,H,,I,,,J,,,K,,,L,,,M,,,N,,,O,,,P,,,Q,,,R,,,S,,,T,,,U,,,V,,,W...X...Y...Z.

fuck it,,,,I'll look it up on google................

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Sunday 09/03/2023 6:16 PM DST

[Carlosbach in reply to j-o-h-n]

A common complaint for Roombas as well

[Lettuce231]

Great Post Carlos, I burst into tears watching and listening to Cat Stevens, sing Father and Son, I've taken out shares in Kleenex 🤫

[Carlosbach in reply to Lettuce231]

Couple that with some Harry Chapin and Cats in the Cradle and blubber away (I did)

[Lettuce231 in reply to Carlosbach]

Keep smiling through the tears 😢 😂

[Carlosbach in reply to Lettuce231]

Still smiling Lettuce. Actually having a pretty gol'durn good time most days

[Lettuce231 in reply to Carlosbach]

Thats great news ! Stay that way, I intend to. 👍

[JJUl]

Husband was on several occasions expected to do a void test after becoming incontinent !!!! I can still remember his comment to them about comparing himself to a bucket with a hole in it.

[Carlosbach in reply to JJUl]

I was seeing the urologist because I couldn't void. I told the Dr., before you start messing around down there, I really tried to void, but I know that my bladders not empty. He said, oh, don't worry, we're set up to handle that here.

The very nice nurse shot him a look that should have killed him. I'm sure that she was thinking, "If this guy pees all over, you are going onto your next appointment, and I'm gonna be stuck here cleaning up this mess!!!"

[Ianrs]

I tell people that I no longer have much of a penis...rather a medium sized clitoris

[Carlosbach in reply to Ianrs]

Now, if it only had the sensitivity of a clitoris...

[Timberjack69]

I pissed myself reading that, but that's another story. 🤣🤣🤣

[Carlosbach in reply to Timberjack69]

Funny!

[Derf4223]

#4 needs fixin. What size _maternity_ bra do I need?

[Carlosbach in reply to Derf4223]

Is Derf a pseudonym for Jane Mansfield?

[Hidden]

1,2,& 9

[Carlosbach in reply to Hidden]

All to true for me as well

[dixiedad]

After my first ADT injection my wife said "How do you feel?"

"I have this urge to get a pedicure and go shopping. I guess you now have a husband AND a girl friend."

Cracked her up.

And I'm still here.

🙂

[Carlosbach in reply to dixiedad]

That's good. I wish I had come up with it DD.

Hope you two have some good pillow fights at your sleep-overs.

[addicted2cycling]

lemonade from lemons =

My bilateral Orchiectomy was the fastest 10 pound weight loss in my life.

100 mile bike rides are more comfortable

The Pathologist was happy to confirm that *10 pounds of balls CAN fit in a 5 pound sack*

If I ever become incontinent I'll just become a NUDIST. No Depends to buy and never get lost 'cause I'll have a trail leading back to where I started

[Carlosbach in reply to addicted2cycling]

Now I know how my wife tracks me so easily

[MechD]

Carlosbach, I can relate to #7 and have actually heard myself say “Hey honey, let’s watch a Hallmark channel movie” and then of course teared up when the couple got back together.

[Carlosbach in reply to MechD]

I know, I used to love Lonesome Dove, but now I see it as a tearjerker. I mean when Captain Calls hand shakes as he pours a drink next to Gus' death bed. Excuse me, I think I have something in my eye...

[MechD in reply to Carlosbach]

Thank you brother for bringing laughter into our day!

[dixiedad in reply to Carlosbach]

Hell, I cried when I heard Jimmy Buffett was dead.

☹️

[Carlosbach in reply to dixiedad]

me too, but I’m convinced he just left us to go Back to the Islands

[Hidden in reply to Carlosbach]

Now I understand why my wife cried when Ryan O'Neals fatherin Love Story says: Love means never having to say you're sorry

[Hidden]

Join the club Carlos . We never thought when we were 21 years old that we’d be wearing diapers again. It sucks, but what’s your alternative?

[Carlosbach in reply to Hidden]

Not ready to adopt Addicted2Cycling's suggestion of becoming a nudist (no one wants to see that), so diapers it is

[Hidden in reply to Carlosbach]

Agreed

[dixiedad]

You mean 'blouses', right?

[Carlosbach in reply to dixiedad]

Might as well. I certainly had some shirts in the 70’s that would qualify as a blouse

[StillDancing]

🎶 MAN, I feel like a woman!!🎶👅

[Carlosbach in reply to StillDancing]

Thanks for killing off any libido I might have had left - once and for all

[Hidden]

Damn porch pirates struck again, I hope they enjoy the leak pads I ordered from Amazon.

[Carlosbach in reply to Hidden]

Hope your shower is functional

[PC-22]

During the premier of the Barbie movie, GMA kept playing that stupid jingle. And I just couldn’t get it out my head. Then my wife walk up behind me as I was buttering my toast and caught me singing “I’m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world”. We laughed so hard together I think she Pee’d her pants. 😂

[Carlosbach]

That's hilarious PC-22.

The best part may be that it wasn't you who pee'd their pants

[Derf4223]

Wearing dresses never made so much sense.

[Carlosbach in reply to Derf4223]

We’re all entitled to our own opinion. My newly hairless legs look pretty good in a summer frock

[K-xo]

1 Who is questioning if you groom your legs? Who?

2 help lifting the cat food? What’s the other name for a cat?

3 ya may wanna consider a prime membership

4 a sports bra will not provide support, or a lift. May I suggest a push-up instead?

5 LOL betcha your wife secretly enjoys knowing this.

6 & 8 Welcome to the ladies club

7. A chick flick for a slick chick. (hehe)

9 Um I wonder how many men here are busy checking their thumb 🤔

10 If you avoid cake, ya may be able to eliminate #4.

Thanks for the much needed laughs, CB! Sry I’m late w/ reply. As you well know, great distraction for me & the hubs. Xo

[Carlosbach in reply to K-xo]

1 Who is questioning if you groom your legs? Who?

My hairy a** brother-in-law that’s who. For one, his hairy Neanderthalic legs could use less testosterone.

[K-xo in reply to Carlosbach]

Lol! Tell sasquatch (your BIL) I got your back. ✌️

[Carlosbach in reply to K-xo]

That’ll back off the enormous browed brute

[Carlosbach]

A, you can’t be late to the party when you are the party

Talk about a slew of one liners. J-O-H-N will be jealous

[K-xo in reply to Carlosbach]

Thanks for the compliment, CB! I’ll pay you the $20 later.

Speaking of J-O-H-N…Where is he? J-O-H-N!!!

[addicted2cycling in reply to K-xo]

from days ago ---

"So who's the wiseass who keeps shifting the bumping furniture around?

Now let's see if I can remember?

A,,B,,C...D,,,E,,,F,,,G,,,H,,I,,,J,,,K,,,L,,,M,,,N,,,O,,,P,,,Q,,,R,,,S,,,T,,,U,,,V,,,W...X...Y...Z.

fuck it,,,,I'll look it up on google................

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Sunday 09/03/2023 6:16 PM DST "

[Carlosbach]

2. help lifting the cat food? What’s the other name for a cat?

I don’t need any help (except for that needle I referenced above) with that other kitty

Who said that I did? She’s obviously lying

[K-xo in reply to Carlosbach]

Lol! I knew I could count on you for a good come back for #2, sicko. Um kitty wasn’t the other word I was referring to. Just sayin

[Carlosbach in reply to K-xo]

I was all over that

[Carlosbach]

3 ya may wanna consider a prime membership

Amazon’s chat bot told me that I was no longer eligible for Membership. Apparently the word is out that I’m way past my prime

(Sorry for the pun, it was just too easy, I’ll try to do better)

[K-xo in reply to Carlosbach]

LOL yeah I gave you that one.

[Carlosbach]

out of modesty I’m trying to flatten my Mae West like figure, not enhance it

Wrapping ace bandages tightly around my chest takes time, and the clips can really gouge my thin prednisone skin

[K-xo in reply to Carlosbach]

Aha, Bandages! That’s a good one. Always thinking , CB!

But, If that fails, just work with what ya got.

[Carlosbach]

5 LOL betcha your wife secretly enjoys knowing this

It’s no secret, I think she’s told all of her friends and sisters. I do think that this information embarrasses my nieces…

[K-xo in reply to Carlosbach]

Haha. Already love your wife. You go, girl!

[Carlosbach]

9 Um I wonder how many men here are busy checking their thumb 🤔

[Carlosbach in reply to Carlosbach]

Seems like I might have missed the mark here. Turns out most of our comrades must have ginormous thumbs (wink, wink)

[Carlosbach in reply to Carlosbach]

I’m sure that they are not exaggerating about the size of their equipment

[K-xo in reply to Carlosbach]

No comment, but I’m biting my tongue on this one. I reminded myself this is a public forum, so I’ll behave.

[Carlosbach in reply to K-xo]

Like that’s gonna happen

[K-xo in reply to Carlosbach]

Lol My hubs laughed at this one. But, I’ll prove to both of you I’ve got self-control.

[Carlosbach in reply to Carlosbach]

10 If you avoid cake, ya may be able to eliminate #4.

Avoiding cake would be an extreme response. Turns out, breaking down in tears worked just as well

[Carlosbach]

hope you and K get some enjoyment from the post and subsequent banter. Thanks for playing

[K-xo in reply to Carlosbach]

We are! Thanks for the humor and laughs. We def needed them! Would I ruin the vibe if I said, F-cancer!?!

[Carlosbach in reply to K-xo]

DITTO to Fuck cancer from all of us

[Carlosbach]

6 & 8, too poignant for a smart assed reply, even for someone as irreverent as me

[K-xo in reply to Carlosbach]

Lol pls refer to my 2nd part of #2.

[Carlosbach in reply to K-xo]

Just figured out what’s going on with my BIL. He’s never glanced at my chest, obviously he’s a legs man

[K-xo in reply to Carlosbach]

Haha Get em, CB!

[Carlosbach]

#7, don’t you just love Mr. Darcy in the first movie. I much prefer that version

[K-xo in reply to Carlosbach]

Too girly for even me hehe🤸🏻‍♀️

Thanks again, CB! You’re the best!

K&A

[Carlosbach in reply to K-xo]

Hope things start turning around for the 2 of you. Give K my best

[Derf4223]

"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane..." Too late, and yes we can do/be both.

[Boywonder56]

An answer to a number of questions regarding unhealthy choices.......whats it gonna do ...give me cancer.......😂

[Carlosbach in reply to Boywonder56]

Turns out, it did

[Adlon57]

I almost like women sports commentators🙄

[Carlosbach in reply to Adlon57]

I don't watch much TV anymore, but when I do I'm so busy with HGTV, the Halmark channel, and binging old seasons of Project Runway, that I don't watch much sports anymore

[Adlon57 in reply to Carlosbach]

You are not missing much bleh! bleh! bleh!🤬🤫

[anonymoose2]

This adventure has brought me a better understanding of Transgender individuals.

[Carlosbach in reply to anonymoose2]

WOW! Awesome moose. I hope that this understanding a gift of tolerance and compasion

What a difficult life it must be for trans folks. More challenges than I feel cut out to understand, but I too now have an inkling of their struggles