Prostate Humor (because sometimes you just need a laugh

[Carlosbach]

1. I signed up for ADT after the Urologist told me that the treatment would leave me impotent. I mean, who doesn’t want to be famous and admired?

2. My MO told me that my prostate cancer treatment might ruin me financially. I’m not sure what he was talking about. So far I’m saving bank on petroleum and KY jelly.

3. I thank God for night sweats. Due to these temperature fluctuations my wife can honestly brag to her friends that I’m still hot in bed.

4. What do a rattlesnake and a limp penis have in common? My wife doesn’t want to f*** with either one.

5. My friend’s brother had digital rectal exam from a doctor with huge hands. I asked him if the exam injured his brother’s rectum.

He replied, “Wrecked’m? It almost killed’m”

6. Since diagnosis life is getting better. For instance, I’ve become healthier and a better lover. I attribute this improvement to two things, tofu and a vibrator. Turns out, they both act as meat substitutes.

7. Prostate cancer has a lot of positives that don’t get enough press. For instance, one of the plusses of prostate cancer is that I now have a significantly reduced chance of a staff infection.

8. Why do urologists push Flomax more than laxatives? Because they’re all about number one.

9. How are my erections like a plate of spaghetti? They both were once hard and long, and now they’re both limp and bendy.

10. What does my urologist see when I bend over? Tiny little peenuts.

[dockam]

That's f'in hilarious Brother 🤣

[Carlosbach in reply to dockam]

Thanks Doc. Hopefully no QoL's were harmed in the making of this list.

[dockam in reply to Carlosbach]

Save the QoLs 🤙

[Spyder54]

Stand up Comedy. You could write for the Jimmy’s, ,Fallon or Kimmel. 2nd career with low stress levels!

Best, Mike

[Carlosbach in reply to Spyder54]

Thanks Mike, you are hired as my hype man.

[Spyder54 in reply to Carlosbach]

10% of each gig, is the vig😎

[Carlosbach in reply to Spyder54]

the checks in the male

[Mrtroxely]

Can I ask if you are or have any German in you?

[Carlosbach in reply to Mrtroxely]

Nein

[Kaliber]

rotflol …. Great post brother.

❤️❤️❤️

[Carlosbach in reply to Kaliber]

Thanks K. Hopefully it will make a few croakers smile despite their battles.

[Kaliber in reply to Carlosbach]

🐸 ❤️❤️❤️

[Nusch]

Loving it - a good new day starts with a smile. Thx for that!

[Carlosbach in reply to Nusch]

Good Morning. Hope the snow hasn't put a damper on your day

[Nusch in reply to Carlosbach]

No snow here.

[dockam in reply to Carlosbach]

It's closed my office for today😔

Snow Day

[Bronzee]

thank you for the laugh ! I enjoyedyour humor!

[Carlosbach in reply to Bronzee]

Thanks Bronzee

[Dont08759]

11. After My doctor gave me a digital rectal exam I asked for a second opinion, so he put the glove on his other hand!

[Carlosbach in reply to Dont08759]

Funny. Reminds me of the old Rodney Dangerfield joke

“My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, 'I'd like a second opinion.' He said, 'Alright, you're ugly too.'”.

[Muffin2019]

Love it, have to make a copy for future laughs.

[Carlosbach in reply to Muffin2019]

I'll expect the usual royalties

[Andy1569]

Thanks for the humor! This croacker is smiling this morning!!

Fight On! Laugh On!

Andy

[Carlosbach in reply to Andy1569]

Thanks Andy. Glad the day started with a smile.

[dockam in reply to Andy1569]

And QoL on Y'all

[Cooolone]

😂😂😂

Great way to start the day, laughing my ass off...

Shoulda spoon fed us one per day and strung em out! Thanks for the laughs!

[Carlosbach in reply to Cooolone]

I gotta million of 'em.

[Derf4223]

A friend of mine used the word (acronym) BOHICA. I said it was too close to home.

[Carlosbach in reply to Derf4223]

BOHICA, I like it! Before diagnosis I had so many doctors feel of my prostate that I was ready to drop trousers and bend over as soon as I walked into their examining rooms.

[dockam in reply to Carlosbach]

I deliberately chose a Azn urologist, she had small fingers

[Pheart2]

😀😀😀😀 very funny.

12 PSA stands for “Promote Stress Anxiety “

[Carlosbach in reply to Pheart2]

PSA worked on my stress. Thank God I have found the antidote, NAPS!

[anonymoose2]

I just don’t get the jokes. But then with ADT I don’t get anything anymore.

[Carlosbach in reply to anonymoose2]

I've often been accused of being corny, so maybe you are better off not getting the jokes. For me the ADT has really hampered my ability to concentrate for very long. One liners are about all I can process except for that 15 minutes in the afternoon where I feel clear headed.

[anonymoose2 in reply to Carlosbach]

Anything complex and it’s like

Zombie

[Carlosbach in reply to anonymoose2]

Hey, What Happened?

[pjd55d]

har har ha - some good ones. I hope to be laughing with my last breath - really. It's either that or spend my life crying or screaming - no fun for anyone

[Carlosbach in reply to pjd55d]

My philosopy as well. I am gonna die sometime, and some days are just going to suck. So I asked myself, do I want to be miserable or try to laugh and have fun? So far I am happy with my choice.

[pjd55d in reply to Carlosbach]

with the exception of being around people I don't like - then being a miserable old bastard has it's advantages 😉

[Carlosbach in reply to pjd55d]

My daughter says that my resting face looks like I'm permanently and irrevocably pissed off. I'm not above using that look to keep people away in the grocery store.

[Wgly]

Bet you wrote jokes for the old Statler and Waldorf geezers too!

[Carlosbach in reply to Wgly]

More like some of Fozzie Bear's cornpone jokes (Wocka Wocka)

[anonymoose2]

😱

Yikes

[Carlosbach in reply to anonymoose2]

Funny.

Over the river and through the woods, now where was I headed?

[inthefight]

Thank you for the laughs. Keep it up.

[Carlosbach in reply to inthefight]

Thanks, but there are no refills available

[dockam in reply to Carlosbach]

Doctor's Orders Rx : Laugh at least 6 times /day until dead🤣

[Carlosbach in reply to dockam]

I always try to exceed the Drs. minimum

[dockam in reply to Carlosbach]

Yea, always Go Big esp with Laughter youtu.be/g6TUZm5wzLs(Not working as expected?)

[Carlosbach in reply to dockam]

Great. Thanks

[dockam in reply to Carlosbach]

She got way famous with her Vietnamese Nail Salon bit🤣

[cancerfox]

😀🦊

Relations

[Carlosbach in reply to cancerfox]

Here’s an old one for you:

My doctor asked for a sperm sample as part of my last exam. The doctor gave me a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day I went back as requested, but with the jar, which was still clean and empty.

The doctor asked, “What happened? Why didn’t you bring back a sample?”

I explained, "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?",

"Yep,” I replied, “but none of us could get the jar open."

[inthefight in reply to Carlosbach]

Good one!

[j-o-h-n]

From the Internet:

My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam. That being said I wish he hadn't!

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Tuesday 02/28/2023 8:13 PM EST

[Carlosbach in reply to j-o-h-n]

Damn J-O-H-N you're still bringing it

[inthefight in reply to j-o-h-n]

Glad to have you back.

[j-o-h-n in reply to inthefight]

Thank you sir........... it was going back or shooting my twin brother in a botched suicide attempt..............

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Tuesday 02/28/2023 8:23 PM EST

[Boywonder56 in reply to j-o-h-n]

You mean theres two of use.......guys....

[j-o-h-n in reply to Boywonder56]

Yep Identical, Even I have trouble telling us apart...........

Good Luck, Good Health and Good Humor.

j-o-h-n Tuesday 02/28/2023 11:26 PM EST

[Carlosbach in reply to j-o-h-n]

j-o-h-n (or are you the other o-n-e?)

Don't know if this twin story line is the plot of a soap opera, or the movie Blood Rage.

[Boywonder56]

Egggcelllent.....only i laugh to keep from crying......cancer sux.....thanks for the momentary lapse of self pity.......should take that show on the road...

[Carlosbach in reply to Boywonder56]

Thank you. My wife's also been suggesting that I hit the road for the last several years.

[Boywonder56]

Well if u do decide to take it on the road..take j.o.h.n. wich ya.....you could be like ...jerry & lewis ....dean & martin.....homer & simpson.....🤪

[Carlosbach in reply to Boywonder56]

j-o-h-n 's a headliner while I'm just annoying my family and friends with dad jokes

I think my wife was thinking more of the old Ray Charles song when she suggested that I "hit the road"

[MrG68]

If you want to feel good with laughs, this ALWAYS works.

Read until the end. It's literally impossible not to laugh.

businessballs.com/amusement...

Family Fortunes is the UK version of Family Feud.

[Carlosbach in reply to MrG68]

Thanks Mr G (or is it Ali G?)

I can't top these. Thanks for sharing them