I’m not going to hide what happened, not here at least. I have been working in the film industry since 2007. I had worked my way up, knowing I had adhd, but never taking the opportunity to learn about it. I had a ridiculously lax perception of the severity of my disorder. I wasn’t hyperactive, so I brushed it off as a minor inconvenience. For years I had worked my way up, thanks to the medication (a recent revelation), but during the first years of use I wasn’t aware of its massive contribution to my life. I eventually established that I was addicted to it. I had an alcohol addiction, and I decided to quit the Ritalin when I quit drinking. This was a huge mistake. The drinking returned
Anyway, my nightmare was on a tv show called, “The #$%^.” I had worked my ass off on commercials (hundreds) with my boss. All I wanted to do was work on a feature or a show. So, eventually those days came, but they were short visits from shows based elsewhere. When this show arrived, I was excited. Prior to this period, and due to my adhd (although I didn’t know this caused it), I felt drained following the many jobs my boss took. She would often take multiple jobs at once, to my dismay. I had told her, an expressed with as much passion as I could how much this stressed me out. She didn’t care. Yes, we seriously once worked m 6 tv commercials, and a small movie, all at the same time. Over time the stress built. On the #$%^ she had participated in a blatant nepotism. She hired her brother and nephew (her brother’s son). To be honest, simply hiring them wasn’t the issue. It was the massive difference in treatment her nephew received. He had a higher position, and was in charge of our PA’s which are basically entry-level positions. There were multiple days of him arriving to work late , as late as 2pm, when the others had to arrive at 4am or 5. This upset me. But it’s when she put her brother to help me on a location where things really stressed me out. I had told her work on one location for filming, as I was suppose to some how leave the set (I couldn’t) and prep everything for the next location, which was 2 days away. He had nothing to do for 2 whole weeks, but did nothing to help me. When I had one of our pa’s pick up parking tickets for the crew, the pa picks up the wrong ones. Since I couldn’t leave where I was, and since I was doing multiple locations at a time, I didn’t have time to check. The day of in the morning, the validations wouldn’t work. I had a meltdown. I was mad and I kept screaming, “she did this on purpose.” I was in a bit of rage, kicking the air and screaming. She had purposely stressed me out for years (tough love training?). She had me manages commercials without telling me. I scouted so many locations, telling our coordinator at one time that it’s the manager’s responsibility. To which she replied, “you are the manager.” I was livid. Screaming. Rage. Anger. These are things people I grew up with never saw. They couldn’t even believe it. When I went to complain to my union, the union head told me, “this isn’t something we normally take care. Have you looked into Disney Human Resources (Disney/FX) produced the show. Then he went on to say, “you know your producer is a very powerful man. It took me a few days to figure out what that meant: he was implying that our producer interviewed so the union wouldn’t help me.
After finding out that what had occurred was due to my ADHD (or so I told myself), I proceeded to write a letter to my boss to explain what happened. This took me months to do. Not because I was lazy, but because I had written something like 10 letters, before finally sending it. After I sent it, I realized they were working on, “The Bear,” again. It dawned on me. She’s going to think I’m only writing this letter to get back on. I use to drive her around for non work related things, taking her to do laundry, helping her with her dad after his stroke, getting to know her family. I knew her personality, and I didn’t realize how well I did (likely an observation of her predictable pattern. I felt I knew how she received the letter. She likely said to herself, “he doesn’t have adhd, I know so and so, and they have adhd. They don’t lose their temper. The whole letter situation itself drained me, later turning me back into months of depression. I can’t explain how awful it is to have a bad experience on a tv show. Billboards everywhere. I couldn’t turn on the tv without seeing ads for it. I just wanted to tell people how bad it was, but I was scared to. The film industry is ugly. I couldn’t turn on have been blacklisted by Disney, FX, or Hulu. Or even all of them. It irks me so much how she framed my behavior. She frequently accused me (a person who not only hates lying, but has zero energy to pull it off). I wrote a letter to her once, with the help of my entire family, written with the utmost care, avoiding any element of aggression. She thought it was threatening. I’m so sick of people like this. I’m tired of apologizing for my normal reaction, under the spell of my disorder, as a response to injustice. I don’t think I was wrong. I don’t think I needed to apologize. I reacted to injustice.
She tried to justify her treatment of our PA’s, “this is how this industry is.” She said. I told her, “the Transpo union wouldn’t allow women for decades, and did you think that was right at the time?” She said no. “But you think this ok?” I asked. She said, “yes.”
I was disgusted. I didn’t care that I was yelling. I didn’t think it was right. My dream is fading. I don’t want to work in film anymore. It’s hurt my marriage. My self-esteem. My reputation. I’ve been afraid to talk about this online. I’m afraid of being blacklisted, or with them framing what occurred incorrectly. This experience is still making waves in my mind, taking my confidence, my financial stability, and my dream job.
Is Neuropsychological testing in an ADHD Evaluation Important?
How do I accept diagnosis? No one in my circle to discuss things with.
Why do I hate my wife one moment and then love her the next. Is it ADHD or something else?
Too many responsibilities 
Forgetfulness and impulsive thoughts
