I feel the need to post this concerning my ADHD and what it is doing to my life good and also very bad. I am 53 years old and found out I was ADHD when I was 49 due to my own research. Then my therapist give me the orders to be tested. I had to find the dr who tested adults myself but i did. I have been misdiagnosed my entire life. I knew something was wrong with my from my early years in elementary school all the way until dropped out in Twelfth grade. Of course my home life was not the best anyone could want. I am sure that had a lot to do with my mental state of mind. I have also been diagnosed with PTSD, Bi-Polar, Anxiety. I started researching because I have never been able to pronounce big words or spell them. I have a hard time spelling still today. That was what made me start researching ADHD. I found out it was hereditary and my son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was four years old. I was also seeing the same doctor for my mental state because I couldn't figure out why I was feeling way I was and he didn't even tell me ADHD was hereditary or that I might have it. I couldn't focus on anything productive and I was just not feeling myself so I was put on Cymbalta and xanax which I didn't like the xanax because it made me tired. I am very hyper and this is causing me a lot of major problems with being able to work and health problems.
I am always stressed out and I screw things up all day long because my mind goes so fast that my body and mouth can't keep up sometimes. I interrupt people all the time and answer questions before they are even finished say it. I can't sit still. I get board with projects quite quickly, I start ten different tasks and don't finish any of them usually. I am late to everything and I can get up and ready five hours before I have to be somewhere but still rushing to get out the door to be on time. It makes no since to me. I can't sleep. It has gotten a lot worse in the past two years I have not been being treated for it. I have been trying to get into a doctor to help me but they all say they aren't accepting new adhd patients. I was seeing my primary physician and he was writing me 30 mg of adderall every month but he retired. . Which help me so much getting through college.I have a new primary doctor who is an internist but acts scared to do anything for me. She has not helped me with one problem since I started going there over two years ago. She said she is not that kind of doctor no matter what it is I am there for. She sends in a referral everytime and they never find a place that works. Yes, I went back to college after finding out I was ADHD. I always wanted to go but I figured since I sucked in high school that I was to stupid. My therapist back then talked me into it. I was scared as hell going back to college after 20 years of not even looking at a school. Plus we didn' t have computers back then either. Luckley, I worked in administration so I was familiar with computers. It took me almost four years to get my associates degree in business. and marketing because I could only take two or three classes at the most and the college screwed me over so it took me longer. If I would have went full time I would have failed all five classes. I gave them my diagnosis paperwork but that didn't stop them from treating terrible and making it extremely hard for me to get my degree. I have two classes and I will have my degree with honors. I went through the entire course to get my associates with all A's and B's except one C which wasn't my fault because i didn't have a book for the first week of school. No one has even acknowledged my good grades.
That's another mess in my life but I almost got it whipped. What is so bad is I called the college to sign up for a course the Governor put out for free and ended up getting taken advantage of because they knew I knew absolutely nothing about how college works and they took advantage of that. I never had a counselor or an advisor the first two years but no one in the beginning and after the first couple of classes I started asking when i was going to start training to get a job. That was when I found out I was enrolled in a associates degree program. I had to hurry up and pick what major i wanted. Never got to talk to anyone about my options because I had taken some college classes before 20 years ago. They told me they didn't need any transcript from any other colleges. This is just the beginning of my four years of hell. Long story short they charged me more than out-of -state students for my couple classes. I walked in debt free and walking out 50000 dollars in debt. They charged me so much that I had to get the loans to live off of. I explained to them my husband just passed away during covid and I was on my own. I had to pay rent so that is where all of my money went. They also promised me I would be working and no one has showed me anything concerning a job. I may know about administration but marketing and business is new to me so I have never worked in those fields. I have had no real world experience whatsoever. I only have two classes left and they took so much of my pell grant I don't have enough to get my bachelor's if I wanted to. I had almost my entire 50,000 dollar grant when I started there. They cleaned me out.
There is so much they done wrong to me like having to withdraw from two classes that was not my fault either time but I had to sign an appeal because I wouldn't get accepted for financial aid to finish my degree. I had to many credits because they were picking my classes the entire time. I just got my certificates and I had over 65 credits. I should have had my certificates at 30 credits but the way they picked my classes it caused me to have to wait until the very end. I have been struggling the entire four years because I can't work and take classes. It gets me to stressed out and I will fail. I did work but my living arrangements are not that great either. I just need to give you a slight example of what I have been going through the entire time since I found out is had ADHD. I try to better myself than I was 9 years ago when I was homeless and without anyone to turn to. I brought myself up from that on my own but it seems like I keep getting kicked back by everyone. All I wanted to do was learn a career and go to work and it turned into a 4year expensive stress ball that eventually caused me heart disease. I was spending more time fighting with the college on stuff they were either denying me of or I had teacher that were giving out F's to students for an assignment that she never even submitted or us to do. Then calling me a liar. I don't know if they get away with that because those kids are scared to say anything but i am not. I work hard for those grades and when your wrong your wrong. These are just a few examples of the stuff i deal with on a daily basis. This is where the ADHD comes in. I feel like they were discriminating against me because i was old and I asked for hard copy books with all of my classes. I do not comprehend doing all of my reading on a computer plus it gives me a headache. That was all that i asked for in my accommodations. Extra time because when I read a sentence it might take me 10 times to read it to comprehend what is asking on test. It takes me probably 5 x longer to finish my assignment than a normal student without ADHD does. I feel like because of my age and because I made such good grades that they think I am lying about having ADHD and suffer from severe symptoms every day. I surprised myself making such good grades. I guess I am so scared of going backwards and living on the street I keep trying to hard to make sure than doesn't happen but it is killing me without any medication to help. I see a therapist for talking and doing exercises but she can't prescribe any narcotics so she is out of the question.
I have tried online doctors I have tried every ADHD doctor on my insurance and none of them are taking anymore adhd patients and my insurance doesn't cover out of my network. I just want to be able to finish school with my good GPA but I am scared it I don't have any meds to take I am going to get off focus and fail these classes and I am so close. I just want to be balanced once in my life before I die and at the rate I am gong it wont be long if I don't get some help soon. IF anyone has any suggestions please let me know. I am so desperate to find a doctor that will care about my issues.
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