Vicious cycle of chaos & clutter

[RoseZen]

Hey everyone,

I’m feeling really overwhelmed and dealing with some serious ADHD paralysis right now. My space is in total chaos and clutter, and it just feels like I can’t get it under control. The mess keeps piling up, and every time I try to make progress, I get stuck. It’s a frustrating cycle, and I’m honestly feeling a lot of shame over it.

I feel like I’ve tried everything to make a dent in it, but the biggest hurdle for me seems to be letting go of things – especially clothes. I hold onto so much “just in case,” and it’s exhausting. I know that there are tons of videos and tips out there, but they just add to the overwhelm.

Has anyone worked with a good coach or someone who understands the ADHD struggle with clutter and can help simplify the process? I just want life to feel less heavy and more manageable. Any advice or recommendations would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening.

[Spud-u-Like1982]

Hi RoseZen,

I'm with you on the clutter front. I hoard and it was initially put down to OCD, but my ADHD diagnosis and the fact I display 'autistic quirks', means I develop an intense emotional attachment to my stuff and I really struggle to let it go. My life has been overwhelmed with depression the last few years and I'm at a point where I no longer have the energy to have interests in anything, so I'm using this coming week to tackle the hoard.

I took have tried self help books for clutter, but now they add to the clutter. I'd appreciate hearing any advice that can be provided.

[Cat00]

Possessions hold me prisoner I find. I'm dreading the inevitable tonnes of crap I have to buy my kids for Christmas 😭

[WeAreAllOK in reply to Cat00]

Well. May you have a little epiphany.

Get tired of a bit of stuff, see you don't need it, get rid of it, before you realise it.

Then enjoy the peace.

Release the prisoners!! 💪💪

[Hidden]

hey Rose Zen,

my daughter and i both have ADHD but it presents itself a bit different. I throw everything away if i haven’t used it within 2 weeks, lol, and she keeps absolutely everything which made her teenage bedroom chaotic!!! after many fights n etc this is what we did. i gave her maybe 2 very large totes- those big rectangle black ones with yellow lids, and i asked her to put all the things she knew she prob didn't need but couldn't tolerate parting with. into the tote, and having two very large totes to fill, she was very mindful about it n i let her decide on her own. that really calmed her down internally. and obvi this wasnt a one time ordeal. those totes got re visited n sometimes she discarded stuff n sometimes she added stuff.

and we lived happily ever after, lol.

good luck🍀

[WeAreAllOK in reply to Hidden]

Hidden this is a great post. We need a sense of humour!

[emiL1234]

I team with another adhd friend, I go to her place and do shitty things she can't do, and she does the same for me.

[WeAreAllOK]

I have created the banana and orange box method. I've painted one side so they look OK. I store stuff in them stacked up in the garage. I have boxes labeled with printed card labels.

Others just say Pile File with some detail.

I have my weaknesses. Books. Technology. Extra supplies.

1. This helps with overwhelm.

2. I regularly actually get rid of boxes. Open 5 boxes with the same theme. Just do it.

I'm with emiL1234 you need a friend to help. This will help you with the "get stuck" as you say. Friends have helped me.

3. Plus. The guilt and shame. This needs attention.

Hang in there.

[ShariIsBlessed1 in reply to WeAreAllOK]

I am new to an ADHD diagnosis at 68 years old! My room is chaos, so I am very interested in the answers to this question.

I don't know what the banana and orange box method, so I did an internet search. I didn't find anything. Then I did a search using "banana and orange box method for ADHD". I didn't find anything. Can you clarify it for me, or is this the name you've given to the steps you listed???

When you open those 5 boxes with the same theme, do you go through them and get rid of a certain percentage that you've pre-established? I have found that gifting items on Buy Nothing has helped me let go a little bit, but then if someone doesn't want my "treasures", it can be disappointing.

[WeAreAllOK in reply to ShariIsBlessed1]

ShariIsBlessed1 sorry! The banana box name is my own system. Yes, my own name. 1. They are a good size. I tried bigger containers, but they get heavy, and hold too much.

2. Case study. Science gear, 8 boxes, decide to reduce to 4. Hydrate, focus, embrace the hard. Get 4 more nice labeled boxes, and fill them slowly or quick. Then dump/deal with the rest.

This is important. I find if I try to fiddle with sorting mixed stuff in one box I fail.

Summary: Boxes 1 to 8 open. Harvest stuff to keep into empty boxes.

3. We need to be on the groove. Buddhist or Christian detachment helps! If you are an atheist, just borrow this temporarily.

As M Scott Peck says.

Embrace the hard. Paraphrase of course.

4. General comment. Good labels help.

*Bits to go with things.

*Things to return.

*BBQ items

*Cooking gear

*Electronics.

I get this far and realize it is totally context, time of life, interest dependent.

5. It's partly put of sight, put of mind.

6. I Need help with this. Regularly.

This is the biggest lack I think in the ADHD Community. Not access to meds or therapy or coaching. It's buddies.

Maybe more later if I have relevant thoughts. Today is a public holiday and I gave a lot to avoid doing.

[ShariIsBlessed1 in reply to WeAreAllOK]

Thank you so much! Your explanation of your system is very helpful.

[Mamamichl]

I would put those clothes in a box and date it. If it hasn’t been touched in 9-12 months, let it go without even opening it.

[NotAChevy]

i understand your pain. Lets schedule a quick

Zoom call to talk about this: calendly.com/fordsconsultin...

You can just schedule it for whenever’s the best for you.

[EFCoaching4U]

Hi RoseZen -

In case this is helpful…

What you’re feeling and experiencing makes a lot of sense. Your “descriptions” ( chaos and clutter, overwhelmed, heavy, frustrating cycle) all perfectly describe the experiencing so many others have had or are having. And as many have shared with me, it can feel like an “uphill battle” at times too.

The responses to your posting have some great advice and suggestions. There’s a wealth of information on here (in this forum) so I would definitely recommend continuing to peruse around.

Should you be interested in learning more about “coaching” (as you mentioned) here is a little information just in case…

I’m a Certified ADHD Executive Function Coach and work with clients ranging from children to adults.

All sessions are online (via zoom) and run 45 minutes typically once a week.

I work with clients on a variety of executive function skills including organization, planning, self control, time management, flexibility, task initiation and others.

Sessions are always tailored to meet the needs of each individual client.

I have space right now for a few clients so should this be something you would like to learn more about, I’m happy to chat.

No pressure. Just fyi.

Thank you!

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