emotional regulation - thoughts, ideas, suggestions?

[Amiwrong]

hi everyone. I know by searching this topic I will find older posts, and I will do that but I’m struggling to focus and was finding it a bit overwhelming for now.

I used to internalize my emotions but as I get older I’m finding my voice. The problem is that that voice is out of control lol. Not with everyone, mostly my partner. I think I’ve gone from suppressing to barking lol. It’s not like me. I can get heated by even just a couple of words he says and get in his face like a mad woman. I later retreat and hide and regret lol. I get in this emotional state and can’t snap out of it. I’m sure it’s triggers but still, I just spew out words that may not even make sense, and may be hurtful and aggressive. Which is all not me, not my personality. It’s like I’m a mad dog unleashed.

I know there’s mindfulness, and walking away, but I don’t want to walk away to calm myself because that could take days for me! I just want to learn to not let the dog out in the first place, or be able to stop mid sentence and get my mind in a different direction. Even if what I’m responding to happens to be something legit upsetting, like rude or insulting. I want to learn to have more control over my reactions.

I know there’s no easy answer or a fix or else so many others wouldn’t be struggling with the same thing, but I want to learn and try to make it better.

Does anyone have insight on immediate things to do?

[wtfadhd]

hello,

rather we internalize our emotions n bury them or puke our emotions everywhere…. its still emotional dis regulation. . it just looks different on the outside. both are maladaptive n have their consequences. 😱

For me, emotional regulation has been the absolute most challenging part of learning to manage my own ADHD. it has been an intense journey for me. ugh. so i feel ya on this one.

our emotions n feelings are directly linked to our thoughts. so my strategy was to learn to manage my thoughts….. and when i can put my thoughts into perspective… my emotions tend to be more appropriate for the given situation.

thats is essentially the premise of CBT. i didnt make all that up myself😂. but it works! trying to regulate your emotions without regulating your thoughts is just not effective for the long run. its not sustainable. gotta get our thoughts in check first. ❤️

[Amiwrong in reply to wtfadhd]

Ah yes, well that’s going to be quite the exploration lol. Knowing what you’re thinking or getting to the relevant thoughts through all the excess random baggage of thoughts, I would imagine to be quite tricky. I would assume it has to start with reflection after the fact rather than knowing your thoughts on the spot lol because at the time of the situation I don’t think I have one fully put together thought 😂

[Mamamichl]

thank you for sharing! May I ask how old you are, and if you could be going through menopause/premenopause? I’m learning at 41 that because our hormones are changing, that our adhd symptoms are changing as well. Something that is helping me is DBT (dialectical behavior therapy). It helps me regulate emotions and manipulate conversations better. There is also an adhd group on FB which has a plethora of private messaging groups, one including womens issues (we talk a lot about periods and menopause there, and how it changes with medications). I do believe that there is a medication that may help too, but I forget it (I want to say it’s the one for regulating hormones during menopause). Hope this helps! Zen hugs 🫂

[Amiwrong in reply to Mamamichl]

Hi Mamamichi. Oh yes, I’ve hit menopause and boy did all my symptoms ever get worse. I’m taking hrt but that can only do so much. I actually hit menopause over the first year of COVID. That was fun! The perimenopause started worsening the symptoms, but wham what a crazy time. How do you find DBT different from CBT? I’ve read a bit about it but I forget (yeah, memory has deteriorated) and would like to hear personal experience if you’re willing

[Mamamichl in reply to Amiwrong]

I would love to hear your personal experience! Cat is usually one on one sessions and they help with some skills and problem solving. DBT is a bit more intensive. You get weekly meetings with your counselor, who gives you coping skills and some others. You also get 24/7 calling capabilities with your counselor. After a month or two, you also have group sessions. I’m not there yet, so I’m not sure what those are like. I have attached a link to the book we work with, but it’s real good to have the therapy too, so that I can explain a situation, they can give me a skill to work for that situation and we can practice it. Oh, and daily diary is helpful ok. They give an electronic one for you to do so the counselor can go over your week. It’s hard for me to discuss the feelings in writing, but the scale they use is pretty good. LMK if you have any further questions.

[Amiwrong in reply to Mamamichl]

My experience with menopause you mean?

[LittleOl-Lady]

I have experienced exactly what you're describing. It got worse when a psychiatrist took me off Effexor. I thought I was going mad. I wish I had a good answer. Yes, Mindfulness is supposed be very helpful but I am not consistent enough for it to be beneficial - is that an adhd thing? My therapist says to keep doing the healing work. My psychiatrist put me on a different antidepressant that is supposed to be be tolerated by people with anger issues-which apparently I recently acquired at 72. Really? He also suggested keeping a journal which IS helpful. The best treatment I have found is physical activity- swimming, yard work, house work. Caffeine of course makes things worse.

[Amiwrong in reply to LittleOl-Lady]

I hope they took you have Effexor slowly and not cold turkey.

If anger becomes an issue, and suddenly at 72, that tells me something’s up. What changed would be my question.