Absolutely Out of Place

[littledipper]

I'm 23 Male and in light of recent (and past) events i think i might have ADHD or EFD (i think thats the right term). I've always felt like i missed an instrunctional lecture or manual on how to be a properly functioning human, that every other person was at, going way back to some of my earliest memories if i can call them memories.

THis became more apparent when we hit puberty and the others seemed to fit in perfectly. I kept telling myself i was just unique in my own way and i'd either find my group or self. I havent. I have never sat behind my notes or textbooks to study for exams but i have enjoyed countless novels and random pieces of literature unrelated to my classes or anything else because it just felt good. I have trouble focusing and stopping tasks or activities i am currently focused on. I've been labeled as lazy and unserious my whole life by parents, family, tutors and peers to the point where i began labelling myself as such and this has affected me gravely. I don't have fun when postponing or avoiding tasks, conversations, people and taking care of myself.

Being in an environment where nobody, but myself, seems to think i need help is extremely overwhelming. I used to have weird moments where i'd either break down and cry or feel so overwhelmed i crash, i thought everyone did and they were good at hiding it. My mates witnessed this once and labelled them as panic/anxiety attacks and i have been reading on them since. I think i'm broken and i need help. I discovered CHADD a couple weeks ago but didn't have the strength or certainty to engage but i'm tired.

I am currently reaching out to almost anyone and everone i come accross online who seems to have a shred of advice or help for me. I don't want to overshare but i feel like this is just a piece of it so i think i'll stop writing now. Okay done now also i'm crying and typing is becoming more difficult. thats why i'm actually stopping and not the oversharing thing, i don't know why i lied about that - i didn't want to seem whinny or doing too much and its ironic i don't knoow any of you, neither do you me. Okay thank you.

[Izopan]

Hey how you doing today? Dont be worried about speaking up on here it’s a safe place to open up and everyone on here understands your struggles. I’m a mum of a 23 year old male so I can relate. I would strongly advise you to go to your doctor as there’s help out there and even being acknowledged about your condition is helpful. There are many different options of medications that you could try and they just might make the world of difference to you. I have been on this journey with my son now for a few years and he’s tried a few different medications. He hasn’t stuck with any of them but everyone is different and that doesn’t mean one of them won’t work for you. We have had endless problems with my son. His issues are hyperactivity and impulsivity mainly. This has constantly affected his work and home life. He bounces from one drama to another and we are constantly having to “fix things” and support him. It’s a constant worry.

Go see your doctor because at the very least carrying this on your own will be causing you a lot of stress. They will be able to help. Good luck I hope things improve for you.

[littledipper in reply to Izopan]

Thank you for your words, i'm glad your son is getting help. I would like to too, my only issue is i don't know who and where to go to. For context, I am in West Africa and have made efforts to find the right or next best specialist all leading me to unresponsive proffesionals or a really expensive paywall (consultation fees) just to speak to a proffesional. Also my famiy isn't big on believing in (if thats the right phrase) mental health as they just attribute most things to the supernatural or just lack of efforts from myself and it's just too much.

I have since decided to personally take charge in seeing specialists and it would be really helpful if you enlightened me on the type of proffesionals i'm supposed to be talking to for my possible diagnis and treatment.

Thank you.

[Mamamichl]

Thank you so much for sharing! You do seem like you math have ADHD, but definitely start by talking to your doctor about it and ask for a neuro psych evaluation. It is usually about 6 hours and will take 6 months to get into, but its worth it. If you get diagnosed and decide the med route (I recommend it), start by taking a gene sight test to tell you which meds you will have adverse side effects on so you know which ones to try first.

As the others have said, this is a place of safety. There is no judgement here. You can start learning about ADHD with these you tube groups and their books: The holderness family (Book called ADHD is awesome), How to ADHD (book by same name), and ADHD_love (book called dirty laundry). You could also read the book “unf*** your brain. Those are fun and relatable.

I feel overwhelm mostly when I am judged, and during teen years I was spending hours on assignments but others were like “I did that in 30 minutes”, then they got a better grade than me. It always seemed to be a struggle. I was always told I was emotional, a cry baby and lazy/didnt try hard enough. I have burned myself out so many times. I am 40 and have had 25 different jobs now, and looking yet again because so many people only see my weaknesses that come with my disabilities, instead of my superpowers (gaining rapport with students, genuinely concerned for others, honest, etc).

School was my sanctuary from home though, and a year ago I had to go no/low contact with both of my parents (who are divorced). My parents always said things like “I have PSTD too” (yes, he said the letters in that order), and my mother said “IDGAF about your ABC Disorders”. This is why I know what it’s like to be treated poorly by your family. Not saying you need to go no contact, but it has helped me immensely for my mental health and allowing me to move forward. Another thing that is helping is to do DBT. It is helping with communication and emotion regulation. I do hope your mates are actually helping you rather than judging you with this. If so, you really have good friends.

[littledipper]

Hi, i totally relate to the overwhelming reaction to being judged and critiqued and being labelled as too emotional. I struggle to see the good in myself as i've only recieved feedback on only my weaknesses, most of which i have no control over. I realize my internal voice is mostly judgemental on myself and the negative effects but i can only stop myself a handful of those moments and i just shut myself in. I have had fantasies of going no contact with my family and i mostly feel at peace but i am also mostly in a routine in those fantasies so i can't really trust them.

I feel mostly overwhelmed with my mates because a part of me knows they can see through my mask and are secretly having conversations about my inability to properly function and i can't help but deconstructing every reaction, facial and body when i'm around and never getg to actually spend and enjoy time with them.

Thanbk you for the book recommendations, I'm currently checking them out and hope i get some form of grasp on my situation and how to cope with or get bettter.

It's nice to know i'm not alone and that you've made huge improvements in your life to secure your health.

[Izopan]

hi again I concur with what mamamichl said. Being in the U.K. I have no idea how the system works in West Africa but investigating a psychiatrist is the way to go. How it works here is we go to our local doctor and they refer onto a specialist in the field (ie psychiatrist) at a hospital. It can be a lengthy process from waiting to see a psych to getting through the assessments but it’s definitely worth it. I feel for you not having the support of your family but please stick with it and don’t lose hope. Keep in touch and let us know how you’re getting on and any progress you have made getting a diagnosis and hopefully treatment . All the best