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Diagnosis or Dream

Steak101 profile image
11 Replies

Recently diagnosed - after the divorce I began to pursue scuba diving as I am really drawn to marine mammals, conservation and the water. I spent the last 3 years pursuing volunteer diving as it is an expensive sport and that helped aid costs. I was also teaching full time special education and had finally hit my wall.

I tried to get into a graduate program for marine biology that was a one year in the field program - perfect for my brain. I am 35 and have a background in teaching - long story short wasn’t accepted.

I am beginning to wonder if this was all just a pipe dream and who am I kidding - I have to work so hard for everything and have so many breakdowns along the way (in private).

Do I just go back into teaching and focus on keeping my calm, have chickens and forget this? 😔 I am single, living back at home and feel a little bit of a lost cause.

I can’t put the steps together.

I am fine to face my truth if that is what this is.

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Steak101 profile image
Steak101
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11 Replies
BLC89 profile image
BLC89

Hello Steak101,If you are drawn toward marine animals and that feeds your soul I would encourage you to keep pushing on it.

Can you get a debrief as to why you didn't get into the graduate program? Maybe there are some gaps that need to be filled.

I have found it is common for ADHDers to set their sights on something and if the first attempt doesn't work they take it as a sign from the universe they are headed in the wrong direction and let go of the dream.

May I suggest you take it as a sign that the particular program was not right for you, not that you are chasing the wrong dream.

When something makes you feel as good as diving does I personally believe that means it has s place in your life. Keep exploring options and see what else is out there.

I promise you are not a lost cause, you deserve all the happiness life has to offer.

Being back home is extremely common in this economy so don't let that be a sign something is off track.

I hope you keep pursuing your dream and feel lucky and grateful you found something that lights you up.

Good luck,

BLC89

Steak101 profile image
Steak101 in reply toBLC89

Thank you so much for your understanding; I can see where the Rsd kicks in after reading your response,

I also appreciate you reminding me - I am not a lost cause!! It sounds so crazy how deeply we can feel these ways, having support like yours is exactly the medicine needed to get is out of our heads.

So grateful.

Cat00 profile image
Cat00

Bizarrely I was thinking in a similar direction. I was thinking about getting requalified in marine biology. But my health deteriorates so rapidly when in formal education I know that is a pipedream, I was about 77lbs by the time I graduated from my art degree in my 20s.So instead I've made it the subject of all my artwork, so despite living in a landlocked city in UK all my work is about scuba diving and tropical oceans. It makes me feel closer to it and I get solace from that.

Is there maybe a slightly different but related course you could do instead?

I totally agree with Steak101 that if it goes wrong I collapse and take it as a sign from the universe that I shouldn't be doing it. Despite knowing logically that that is almost certainly not the case...

Steak101 profile image
Steak101 in reply toCat00

Thank you Cat00 - this flip in mindset is exactly the advice I needed to hear. I can get my eyes so set on something and when it doesn’t work out exactly the way I thought… done, failed. But that is so not the case, thank you for taking the time to help me out here.

Steak101 profile image
Steak101 in reply toCat00

I love how your resiliency found artwork to be your medium. That is very self aware and powerful. ❤️🌊. I feel… this is what the Ocean would truly want… her Beauty to be about self expression… a way to protect her through Art. Truly motivating. And you are listening to your Body. Another incredible awareness. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

Cat00 profile image
Cat00 in reply toSteak101

The only problem is that it costs a lot of money to produce them and I'm not really emotionally robust enough to go through the selling, or rather not selling, process. But it does make me feel closer to diving and I do learn a lot printing, I get gradually better each year. So maybe one day I could make some money from it rather than loosing money, then I wouldn't feel so guilty about it all.

scuba dicer hovering above a reef, semi abstract screenprint.
Mamamichl profile image
Mamamichl

I work in education too! Just got licensed and working in special education. I know the burnout.

May I ask why you weren’t accepted into the program? It sounds like if you learn about it, you would be a great teacher for those classes in the future.

Steak101 profile image
Steak101 in reply toMamamichl

You are amazing Mamamichl! How are you liking SPED??

I actually don’t know and didn’t think to ask - great call.

❤️

Mamamichl profile image
Mamamichl in reply toSteak101

I’m so glad I could bounce ideas with you 😊. I love working in sped because I go from a curiosity standpoint instead of a judgmental one. I also can hyper focus on less number of kids, even though it’s more extreme behaviors. I don’t mind the behaviors, as long as I have a good support. I haven’t found the right school yet though. Most supervisors are ableist, which is frustrating.

My first position as a teacher started in January. Before than I was a paraprofessional/teachers aid in sped for 15 years. My supervisor kept judging my conditions and they told me if I didn’t quit, they were going to fire me for next school year. I’m looking for a better fit for next year. The things that keep me going is that I had students love me this year, and one even praised me helping them for also having ADHD and he gained confidence and knows it’s not always a detriment.

You could explain to the program that you want to eventually teach marine biology in college or public classes with your background.

STEM_Dad profile image
STEM_Dad

First of all, you should not give up on doing something that you love.

Being rejected is difficult to deal with, but don't give up.

I didn't know what I wanted to do for a career, until I stumbled into it. While I don't have a degree or one of the more recognized career certifications, I've been able to grow in my career with just tenacity and building on my experience.

In hindsight, I could have been farther along if I'd been in the right degree program. (I chose Computer Engineering, instead of Information Systems...I regret it now, but at the time it seemed more promising. It was just too difficult, it relied too much on software programming, which is my weakest tech skill.)

• Numerous online training courses have made me realize that I was in the wrong type of program. The standard scheduled on-campus class program was great for me in K-12 school, but didn't work for me in college. What works for me is self-paced classes. (I figured this out by taking courses on LinkedIn Learning and other online platforms.)

So, knowing the type of learning that really works for you is a tremendously good thing.

...you just have to convince the school that you're the right student for their program.

1. Believe in yourself. You're worth it!

2. Don't give up. (When I'm doubt, see point #1)

3. Talk to whoever you can at the school

• Especially talk with someone in admissions and an advisor in the program that you want to be in, to express your interest and to

• Reach out to the department that degree program is in

• When you feel like you're not making any progress, see #1

4. Don't let one rejection keep you from trying again.

• Have you seen the movie "Rudy"?* Rudy Ruettiger attempted multiple times to transfer into the University of Notre Dame, and got in on his last allowable attempt.

• When I was in college, I passed the "weed out" class for my program on my third or fourth attempt.

• When you feel like you can't go on, see #1! You're worth it!

*("Rudy" is a great Sean Aston movie! I'm a little partial to the school and that movie, because my dad is a Notre Dame alum, and I first watched the movie with him. I was accepted there, too, but I couldn't afford to attend...my dad had GI Bill, while I tried ROTC, but didn't get in.)

While I didn't finish college before, I am planning to try again next near. I just need to figure out the finances, but I've found one online self-paced program. As a backup, I found a local online program that moves at a little faster pace than the on-campus program.. it's specifically a degree-completion program (and in my career, I've already done almost everything that is taught in the program).

Steak101 profile image
Steak101

thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I continue to go back and reference this a lot. I might even print it….

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